He wants no contact for a few days.

[Ara-bella]

My boyfriend of a year and I got into a fight over some miscommunication, after trying to work it out and him just acting like a douche I ended the relationship, deleted him from social media (I got kind of nutty, added him back though.) After that he said, why don't we just not talk for a couple of days and see how you feel after that? I agreed.

 

I texted him maybe 10 minutes later saying I'm so sorry and I was impulsive and I know a break up isn't what I want and the ball is in his court.

He said "As far as I know, we're still together. I didn't say we broke up. I think that idea about not talking for a few days should be considered though."

 

And so we started. I have no problem giving him space. The result is what I'm afraid of. Last time we took a break (April) we ended completely and he came back to me 2 months later. Any tips on how I can deal with this break? Just don't try to reach out to him at all or what? I'm afraid that I messed things up for good

[Jules Dash]

Honor his wish. You admit that you screwed up so at least give him this. Don't overdo it with the apologies; It can become pathetic at a certain point. Don't put pressure on the situation by saying things like "the ball is your court." He knows what is in his court. No one is ever confused about where the ball is.

[Ara-bella]

Thanks. Do breaks typically end up driving a couple apart or bringing them back together?

[kaylan]

Thanks. Do breaks typically end up driving a couple apart or bringing them back together?

Personally I dont do breaks. If I or a girl desire one, I know we just wont work. Id like to think we could work things out together without breaks if the relationship were meant to be.

 

Thats just me though. I dont have good experiences with breaks..so i dont believe in them. And tbh, Ive seen them hurt more relationships than help. But maybe yours can be ok. You need to have open and honest communication from now on though. And not be in such a rush to break up when stuff gets rough.

[Molly Hooper]

Personally I dont do breaks.

 

You need to have open and honest communication from now on though. And not be in such a rush to break up when stuff gets rough.

 

This. If you take a break every time things get hard, then the relationship is probably not meant to last. The point is to work through the issues and become stronger as a couple. You'll never strengthen your relationship if one or both people want to break up for a few days whenever something becomes challenging.

[Els]

You break up and then 10 minutes later want to get back together??? You need to work on your impulsiveness. If you're angry, take a deep breath, say you want a bit of time to gather your thoughts. Of course your bf is having second thoughts about your R if you're breaking up with him on a whim whenever there is an argument.

 

Give him the time and work on yourself IMO.

[Ara-bella]

I know I made a mistake Should I just mentally prepare myself for the worst in terms of what his decision will end up being?

[Molly Hooper]

I know I made a mistake Should I just mentally prepare myself for the worst in terms of what his decision will end up being?

 

Not necessarily. He may very well want to continue on in the relationship with you. As you said, he still considers you two together.

 

What you SHOULD do is prepare to discuss the actual future you both see with one another. And you should be honest with yourself. If you both want to continue on, I'd suggest you decide together to stop doing breaks every time something gets rough, and instead, choose to ride it out together - to work it out as a team - or you should call it quits for good. Otherwise, you're both wasting each other's time and preventing yourselves from finding someone that you DO feel that way about.

[Frank2thepoint]

I know I made a mistake Should I just mentally prepare myself for the worst in terms of what his decision will end up being?

 

You should mentally prepare yourself to not be so impulsive. If you get upset during an argument, the least you can do is convey you need some time to calm down and think.

[preraph]

He wants a break, so you have to give it to him. You got back together once before after one, so against all odds, you may get back together again.

 

I have to say it seems odd to me that a temporary few-day break will solve anything but that if he feels he needs space, he probably needs it on a daily basis, just less communication daily so he has room to breathe. I would suggest you come back at him now with that suggestion, that instead of a 100 percent break, you vow from this day forward to just not require as much daily back and forth.

[me85]

Panicking will only make matters worse. Be cool. Take a few days off. Use it as an opportunity to have girl time with friends/family. People tend to neglect their friends/family when they're in RSs so take this opportunity to catch up with friends you haven't talked to in a while. This is totally the time to either A. gather your thoughts about your RS with your boyfriend. Or B. just let it be about giving each other space (nothing detrimental) and carry on in life like normal.

 

You'll be fine.

[Ara-bella]

Thanks for the input everyone. It made me feel better.

I don't know about him needing space everyday, we live an hour away from each other and he works 10 hours per day. Shouldn't that be enough space from me? I'll still consider it though. For now I'll let him have his time away, as me85 said, I'll be fine

 

Hopefully he realizes/thinks I belong in his life, I'm distraught over this break.. if not it wasn't meant to be

[Redhead14]

Thanks for the input everyone. It made me feel better.

I don't know about him needing space everyday, we live an hour away from each other and he works 10 hours per day. Shouldn't that be enough space from me? I'll still consider it though. For now I'll let him have his time away, as me85 said, I'll be fine

 

Hopefully he realizes/thinks I belong in his life, I'm distraught over this break.. if not it wasn't meant to be

 

When men are overwhelmed, they pull back in order to process things. If he's still all in, he will be back. If not, you need to let him go gracefully and with respect for what you did have. I'd let things run it's course. Don't contact him until he contacts you. Be prepared for him to either not contact you again or go for some time before he does. In the meantime, go out and live your life fully.

[preraph]

Thanks for the input everyone. It made me feel better.

I don't know about him needing space everyday, we live an hour away from each other and he works 10 hours per day. Shouldn't that be enough space from me?

 

No. That's time he's under someone else's control and on their timeline. That leaves no time for him to be on his own without someone pulling or pecking at him. Most people need a little alone time they can depend on or at least not to be having their phone ring all day for no reason.

[Ara-bella]

He ended up contacting me and we've had conversations, he deliberately ignores my texts sometimes (I try not to complain at all), he's very short and distant. Is this normal after a fight? He's stated that he is still mad. I just feel awkward because our conversations seem forced and one-worded.. Plz help

[Redhead14]

He ended up contacting me and we've had conversations, he deliberately ignores my texts sometimes (I try not to complain at all), he's very short and distant. Is this normal after a fight? He's stated that he is still mad. I just feel awkward because our conversations seem forced and one-worded.. Plz help

 

He's still mad. Yes, shortness and distance are to be expected. I would go to no contact again. Without knowing the details of the original fight, I still say that the fact that his anger still lingers, that this will not go away even if you repair the relationship at this point. Harboring anger for an extended period of time like this is an indicator of a significant issue which will rear it's head going forward again and again.

 

Do not engage in texting about this at all. If he wants to talk, you tell him you must meet in person in a public place and have a calm, mature full conversation.

[Ara-bella]

Thanks Redhead14. Interesting you say that this won't go away even if we fix things. I'm wondering if there's any hope at all..

[Redhead14]

Thanks Redhead14. Interesting you say that this won't go away even if we fix things. I'm wondering if there's any hope at all..

 

You won't really know until you've had a mature, frank, honest conversation. Listen carefully and be prepared to walk.

[GemmaUK]

If he is still angry then this could be an issue that has built up over time.

Has he asked for space before?

 

 

If he has then it's a serious issue for him.

 

 

I only know as I have felt the same way with a couple of guys I dated for a few months. They were massive on texts and I could not keep up . It was exhausting trying to.

 

 

What kind of texts does he ignore?

 

 

I got fed up with texts all day with no actual reason for them really.

Many people say that a text only take a second but actually they don't. It takes longer than that to pick up your phone, go to texts, open them, read them and then think about what to reply, type and send.

It can soak up time in a day if there's more than just a few texts.

[Redhead14]

Texting as part of resolving an argument or any serious discussion does more harm than good. It should never be used for that purpose ever.

[Ara-bella]

Gemma, he has before - and then we broke up because I felt there was no fixing things. He came back three months later asking for a second chance.

 

Redhead, it's not so easy for us to meet up to talk about this because he lives an hour away and works so he can't come. If he truly wanted to talk to me and resolve this, he could call me. Hell, I even asked if I could call him so we could talk this out and he said "I'm too tired to talk." All he's offering me now are awful and dull text conversations. It's exhausting trying to get some effort out of him, to the point I'd rather not talk to him until he is normal again. But I don't know if he will ever even be normal again? Should I ask him if he is still mad at me and to take his time without me until he is fine or is that too much?

[GemmaUK]

Gemma, he has before - and then we broke up because I felt there was no fixing things. He came back three months later asking for a second chance.

 

Redhead, it's not so easy for us to meet up to talk about this because he lives an hour away and works so he can't come. If he truly wanted to talk to me and resolve this, he could call me. Hell, I even asked if I could call him so we could talk this out and he said "I'm too tired to talk." All he's offering me now are awful and dull text conversations. It's exhausting trying to get some effort out of him, to the point I'd rather not talk to him until he is normal again. But I don't know if he will ever even be normal again? Should I ask him if he is still mad at me and to take his time without me until he is fine or is that too much?

 

 

Ara-bella,

Walk.

 

 

He can't cope with the communication levels you need and never will.

 

 

He is also past wanting to try at this point.

 

 

An hour away is nothing.

 

 

Sorry to say but I would advise getting out of this - call it quits.

[Poppygoodwill]

tbh I think he's on his way out. I suspect he's tired of all the drama.

 

I have been on the receiving end of someone who was quick to break up over conflict and ultimately you realise that there's no point in trying if someone always seems to have their finger on the trigger. It makes you lose faith in the relationship.

 

I fear this will end up as a painful lesson for you that you've got to deal with your anger in a less destructive way to your partners.

[Ara-bella]

I understand poppy. It's just that I decided to end it because he called me an ass and said if I want to be an ass it's fine, just to not ruin his days with it. So I thought it would be beneficial for both of us to end it. I realized, however, that it really wasn't what I wanted. Sorry about your experience, I know I did make a mistake, but I feel like he did push me by being disrespectful..

Thanks for the advice everyone.

[Ara-bella]

He brought up what happened and made me feel guilty about everything. I asked him how long we were going to dwell on it, he said "I'm not sure." Bad sign?? I just want us to move on from this..