OpE Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Like the title says my ex recently called out of the blue. We were together for about 2 years we fell pretty hard and fast. It was as if we had known each other or were old friends. She suffered from anxiety that most times she managed. There were pretty tough times when she got in a rut and it was tough. Her parents had moved out of state about a year before I met her and she was planning to go back with them before we met. She is in her late 30s and sometimes has problems with social situations. Anyhow, I'm here because of the way she called after about 10 months. She called and said "hey baby how are you?" I said fine in shock. She then said "where are you going?" I sounded kind of disgusted or angry and said home. There was a silence and she hung up. When I got home I sent her a text saying if she had misdialed me no worries and to take care. It was pretty cold but I really thought she may have been calling someone else, realized it then hung up. I wanted to get to the bottom of it.. She didn't respond that night so the following morning I sent her a final text asking her to delete my number so she would have any accidents. I also said she broke my heart when she called me up and called me "baby". She did respond saying she did want to talk and apologized. She went on to say had skin cancer and it had been successfully treated. She also is being treated for her anxiety although she still has problems. While we were together she basically refused to seek treatment so that one of the reasons I decided on NC. For her and my mental sanity. We sent a few messages back and forth and that was that.
EgoJoe Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 What was the general content of the rest of the conversation? How do you feel right now? Did you feel okay enough to communicate with her like that?
Author OpE Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 There wasn't really more to it they were texts which suck :/ I feel good that she is alright and seems happy. She is still nervous and suffers from pretty bad anxiety. So if she wanted to call it took a lot of guts for her to do so. I feel kinda jipped because If she said or texted what she had to say, I didn't. Would it be dumb of me to email her a message saying how I feel about her calling and the whole situation? If prefer an email not text or phone be use I don't know If I can.
EgoJoe Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I think that you ought to physically write down what you want to say and hold on to it for a week. Read it then and post how you feel about it after some space between the catalyst and the response. If after 10 months just hearing the word baby can hurt you than you are not ready to speak to her let alone about deep feelings. 2
Author OpE Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Tomorrow it will be a week. I've already written it. It hurt me when she said it because I really thought she had the wrong number. It was pretty weird it was as if we talked the other day. I think that you ought to physically write down what you want to say and hold on to it for a week. Read it then and post how you feel about it after some space between the catalyst and the response. If after 10 months just hearing the word baby can hurt you than you are not ready to speak to her let alone about deep feelings.
BC1980 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Tomorrow it will be a week. I've already written it. It hurt me when she said it because I really thought she had the wrong number. It was pretty weird it was as if we talked the other day. I understand where you are coming from when you say it felt like the other day when you last talked. I had to talk to my ex on the phone at work, and it felt like no time had passed. That was the first time we had spoken in a year, and all the memories came back. It was like no time had passed, and it shook me up for a few minutes afterwards. It just brought back all these memories of when we enjoyed working together, and we used to talk about our work day at home. Just hearing his voice made me emotional, so I would not recommend talking to your ex again. I don't think you can every underestimate the power direct contact can have on you.
Author OpE Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Thanks so much BC1980! I do feel better after posting on this forum also. With work and a busy schedule it's hard to get out and there but I should. I need to make time for that. I'm happier after talking about it and am at peace with everything. I won't ever contact her again and wish I wouldn't have picked up her call, but whatever. What you explained in your experience was very similar to mine. Thank you for your insight. I understand where you are coming from when you say it felt like the other day when you last talked. I had to talk to my ex on the phone at work, and it felt like no time had passed. That was the first time we had spoken in a year, and all the memories came back. It was like no time had passed, and it shook me up for a few minutes afterwards. It just brought back all these memories of when we enjoyed working together, and we used to talk about our work day at home. Just hearing his voice made me emotional, so I would not recommend talking to your ex again. I don't think you can every underestimate the power direct contact can have on you.
Author OpE Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 BC1980 - do you think I should not send the email I have written? It's not asking her back at all just getting what I have to say off my chest. I mean what can it hurt it over. There is nothing mean or angry in it because I'm not either. I just feel I should convey my feelings.
BC1980 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 BC1980 - do you think I should not send the email I have written? It's not asking her back at all just getting what I have to say off my chest. I mean what can it hurt it over. There is nothing mean or angry in it because I'm not either. I just feel I should convey my feelings. I would not send the email. Mainly, she doesn't care all that much what you have to say. I don't think it's because she is callous; she's just not invested anymore. It could definitely hurt you worse because her response would probably humiliate you. I remember writing my ex this long email after we broke up, and his response was "Thank you for these thoughts." Literally, that was all he said, and it just made me feel so degraded. Like I didn't matter at all. I had just poured my heart out to him, and he probably skimmed the email at best. I'm all about getting your feelings out after a breakup because you need a way to validate what you are feeling. You need someone to hear what you have to say because it makes it real. But your ex isn't the person to open your heart to. Talk to a therapist. Talk to family and friends. Post here. But don't seek out your ex for any type of emotional validation. Feeling the need to "convey your feelings" is normal and healthy, but many people have the misguided notion that their exes are the ones to whom they should share their feelings. You definitely have a right to feel the way you feel, but you need to share your feelings with people who will nurture and respect your feelings. Your ex can't do that for you anymore. 1
Author OpE Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 BC1980 - Thanks again for the advice. I've had enough time to move on bit did feel weird for about a week after her call. Anyhow I sent her the email and didn't ask for a response. I feel ALOT better after I sent it even if she doesn't read it or respond. I know there is a lot better out there for me. I think I was more concerned for her well being so when she called I was like great she didn't go off the deep end. I thanked her for the learning experience, told her how I took her call out if the blue the. Told her I still care etc. What feels good is I care but am not hung up.. Said my piece and whatever I would not send the email. Mainly, she doesn't care all that much what you have to say. I don't think it's because she is callous; she's just not invested anymore. It could definitely hurt you worse because her response would probably humiliate you. I remember writing my ex this long email after we broke up, and his response was "Thank you for these thoughts." Literally, that was all he said, and it just made me feel so degraded. Like I didn't matter at all. I had just poured my heart out to him, and he probably skimmed the email at best. I'm all about getting your feelings out after a breakup because you need a way to validate what you are feeling. You need someone to hear what you have to say because it makes it real. But your ex isn't the person to open your heart to. Talk to a therapist. Talk to family and friends. Post here. But don't seek out your ex for any type of emotional validation. Feeling the need to "convey your feelings" is normal and healthy, but many people have the misguided notion that their exes are the ones to whom they should share their feelings. You definitely have a right to feel the way you feel, but you need to share your feelings with people who will nurture and respect your feelings. Your ex can't do that for you anymore.
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