7 months

[Jewels7]

It has been almost 7 months since I left my ex. You can read my back story under Abuse & Violence > "was he abusive and why do I want to go back"

 

I've been doing better. I don't really cry anymore but I do still miss him everyday. I'm having a tough time tonight thanks to FB. I have him blocked but we have a mutual friend who wrote a status about one of our favorite tv shows.She cried during the season finale and I saw where she tagged him in response to a comment he made. He obviously cried during the show too (which he used to do during movies and tv shows when we were together). I just don't get it. How can this person who cries over tv shows say some of the things he did that scared me. I start to think well maybe he really wouldn't do anything because that just shows he has a big heart.

 

Argh I miss him so much and I'm scared I will never get over him. I'm scared that he is already over me while I'm still stuck on him. I'm so tempted to unblock him and talk to him. I feel sick.I just want him. Why do I still want him?!?

[Reels]

You may not feel about her as much when you will achieve and accomplish something new time to time.

 

Although whenever you will think about good moments, it is possible that you will surely think about him as well.

[me85]

As much as I hate to say it, maybe the only way we can truly get over them is by falling in love with someone else. /=

 

How long has it been since you talked to your ex? Mine out of the blue was like "take care" 2 weeks ago. Haven't heard from him since.

[Jewels7]

I haven't talked to him since this summer. In August I think he pretended to be someone else so I would talk to him. Although I'm not 100% it definitely sounded like him. This person got mean when I wouldn't give him my number. I know it is good that I haven't heard from him because it allows me to heal. At the same time it makes me feel like crap because I think he must be over me.

[ballycastle]

Same for me, texted me before my birthday and I didn't reply because he didn't ask to see me. So I left it and he never enquired how I was. That was in June. I'm not quite the 7 months, and I have not tried to make contact as there would be no point.

There was never any 'goodbye' conversation but a slow fade of texting/calling/seeing me less, wasn't over his ex, blah blah blah.

 

 

The worst thing for me is I know that another year of my life will be wasted trying to get these guys to actually stay with me. After 12 years of broken relationships there is defo something wrong with me for them to decide to not think I am worth investing in. Who knows perhaps I show too much of my self that makes them run, perhaps as many put it I'm just too deep.

 

 

And the worst thing as you get older (I'm mid 40's) that with each time hope simply fades. I mean, don't you think that you can never trust what anyone says again? I know I can't. I am simply way way way too sensitive and insecure to ever try again. And that in itself is so tragic. Being alone and sad is safer than to risk even trying again. I just wouldn't be able to risk being hurt again.

Edited December 2, 2014 by ballycastle
added extra on

[me85]

Well you guys are doing awesome! round of applause! I'm actually surprised my ex has gone this long without contacting me. He's never gone this long before. I'm assuming I won't ever hear from him again.

[Jewels7]

Me85 - maybe you should block his number. That way you will never know if he tries or not. Plus it makes it harder to reach out in a weak moment.

 

Bally - I don't know how I will trust again either. I'm 27 and have only ever dated guys that have been so bad for me. After my ex fiance cheated on me about 4 years ago I said I would never trust again. Then my most recent ex swept me off my feet only 3 months later. (First red flag). He used to be friends with my ex fiance and reached out to me the night my engagement ended. I really thought he was different. I'm scared ill never get over him until I do fall in love again like Me85 said. I also don't foresee me ever falling in love again

[ballycastle]

Me85 - maybe you should block his number. That way you will never know if he tries or not. Plus it makes it harder to reach out in a weak moment.

 

Bally - I don't know how I will trust again either. I'm 27 and have only ever dated guys that have been so bad for me. After my ex fiance cheated on me about 4 years ago I said I would never trust again. Then my most recent ex swept me off my feet only 3 months later. (First red flag). He used to be friends with my ex fiance and reached out to me the night my engagement ended. I really thought he was different. I'm scared ill never get over him until I do fall in love again like Me85 said. I also don't foresee me ever falling in love again

 

So now we know, when they sweep us off our feet it isn't real. I wonder why they do this?? Do they know they will dump us or hope it will work? Mine promised the earth and was so convincing. Both my exes were as we were friends before. But I hear you about Trust. For you it is about maybe recognising flags. They give themselves away we just mute them out. My first said none of his relationships latest, the second used to comically tell me about how his partners had walked out on him or how he had mercilessly dumped them. I thought he would treat me differently or hoped I'd be special enough.

 

He didn't. So now we know.

[willpower321]

I cannot believe it has been 7 months and he messaged you!!!

I feel so sorry for you because I know that sick feeling you have...

And the wonder why we still care for them even after all the crap they do?

 

I left our home in Aug, didn't talk for one month then we were hanging out again, he had an accident and I was nursing him back to health. One month ago I changed my number and just left him without saying anything. Since we had a few messages over fb where he said ill always love you but nothing is good enough for u etc.. Basically all the crap he did to me he dismisses and blames me for fighting with him...

 

Anyway we haven't talked now in a week over messages. Haven't seen him in a month and today has been extremely hard. For some reason I just want to tell him how much I love him but I know it will be useless..

 

Are you okay though?... Have you answered him?

[Jewels7]

Willpower... it's been a month. I remember how I felt after a month and it was terrible. You're doing fantastic... don't tell him you love him because the cycle will repeat.

 

Like an idiot I responded to him. I had been doing so good with NC and now I broke it. He told me how sorry he was and that I didn't do anything wrong etc etc etc. He told me I would always be the one who got away and he will always love me. But because I responded he started asking me if I would give him another chance. I said no several times and he told me to have faith in him and I told him I didn't. I used to have so much faith in him but not anymore. He responded with "so you're saying I'm worthless." I was floored because I never said anything like that. Then he told me he was going to find someone else who would fight for him (he said I didn't love him because I ran)and that she would be nothing like me.that hurt of course. He told me to go ahead and block him that he knows where to find me if he needed me for anything. I'm not even sure what that meant.

 

But here it is. After all his apologies he turned around and became a jerk once again. Maybe I needed this because I had built him up so much in my head after NC for a while. I told one of my friends I still loved him and was scared I would never get over him and she rolled her eyes and said she didn't understand how I could "love" a psycho. I was embarrassed and wish I never said anything to her.

 

I'm doing okay right now though. I realize once again my ex will never change and that he is just so so so WRONG for me.

[me85]

Me85 - maybe you should block his number. That way you will never know if he tries or not. Plus it makes it harder to reach out in a weak moment.

 

Bally - I don't know how I will trust again either. I'm 27 and have only ever dated guys that have been so bad for me. After my ex fiance cheated on me about 4 years ago I said I would never trust again. Then my most recent ex swept me off my feet only 3 months later. (First red flag). He used to be friends with my ex fiance and reached out to me the night my engagement ended. I really thought he was different. I'm scared ill never get over him until I do fall in love again like Me85 said. I also don't foresee me ever falling in love again

 

Oh he's been blocked on my phone for a long time. Can't block him on my email though. At this point, I fully trust myself not to respond if I ever hear from him in the future.

[me85]

Willpower... it's been a month. I remember how I felt after a month and it was terrible. You're doing fantastic... don't tell him you love him because the cycle will repeat.

 

Like an idiot I responded to him. I had been doing so good with NC and now I broke it. He told me how sorry he was and that I didn't do anything wrong etc etc etc. He told me I would always be the one who got away and he will always love me. But because I responded he started asking me if I would give him another chance. I said no several times and he told me to have faith in him and I told him I didn't. I used to have so much faith in him but not anymore. He responded with "so you're saying I'm worthless." I was floored because I never said anything like that. Then he told me he was going to find someone else who would fight for him (he said I didn't love him because I ran)and that she would be nothing like me.that hurt of course. He told me to go ahead and block him that he knows where to find me if he needed me for anything. I'm not even sure what that meant.

 

But here it is. After all his apologies he turned around and became a jerk once again. Maybe I needed this because I had built him up so much in my head after NC for a while. I told one of my friends I still loved him and was scared I would never get over him and she rolled her eyes and said she didn't understand how I could "love" a psycho. I was embarrassed and wish I never said anything to her.

 

I'm doing okay right now though. I realize once again my ex will never change and that he is just so so so WRONG for me.

 

I'm sorry. He's a nasty person. Good riddance! You'll be ok in time. And then one day, you'll be great. (=

 

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming swimming!!!

[Jet Lag]

After 12 years of broken relationships...

 

Hey Ballycastle,

 

What exactly do you mean by this? How many broken relationships in that 12 years?

 

Please tell me you weren't heartbroken each time. This is my first relationship that involved heartbreak and it is a feeling you could never imagine or understand if you hadn't felt it.

[ballycastle]

Hey Ballycastle,

 

What exactly do you mean by this? How many broken relationships in that 12 years?

 

Please tell me you weren't heartbroken each time. This is my first relationship that involved heartbreak and it is a feeling you could never imagine or understand if you hadn't felt it.

 

Yes every single time, hence why I will never put myself 'out there' because I know the ending. I have to just put it down to the fact that a/There is something about me that simply repels men b/I have a low opinion of myself and unhealthy boundaries and c/I am way too sensitive to be in a relationship despite yearning one.

 

 

I can't remember the numbers, about 5 perhaps? All of them chased me. At the beginning of the 12 year stretch I had finished a 7 year relationship so wasn't really interested, had a child so concentrated raising them.

 

 

I think what attracts these men is my outgoing, fun, original look on life. I have a lot of friends. But maybe after a few weeks of me, perhaps, challenging their behaviour, having another viewpoint other than their own, they just leave. Or maybe they see a side of me that they cannot stand.

 

 

I am probably the deepest person I know. I am a writer, I love art, film, drama, theatre, so I think deeply about these things to draw parallels with my work. Perhaps I am just too much for them and they run.

 

 

The last 2 chased me endlessly. I gave in and both of them broke my heart. The last one told me that the first one was a 'fool to not realise how cultural/intelligent/attractive I am. But went and did it anyway. I no longer believe anything anyone says any more.

 

I can honestly say, the reason I am have not committed suicide with grief-stricken heartbreak is down to my child. I have to stay alive for them. I fully resonate with anyone in pain right now that wants to end it. My feelings have been totally stamped on for years and years and years and it just destroys you in the end.

[Justm3x]

Bally...... i dont know how we will ever trust anyone again. Like you i was promised the earth and the other day i read the old messages from him from when we first started dating. He wanted to marry me, even called my Mrs Scott said that i'd saved his life and that he would die without me.

 

Seems stupid now, and how foolish do i feel, gave him everything i had, all my love, i cherished him and ended up with nothing but a broken heart and memories that i wish i could forget.

 

I ask myself the question, what did i do that was so wrong, will this happen with the next man i meet, do i give him everything i have to give only to be let down again... i dont know the answer to that.

 

I dont live day to day, i live hour to hour and many times i've just wanted to end it all, but i think of my girls, my amazing girls, who nearly lost me 8 years ago and i couldnt do that to them again.

 

I just hope and pray that oner day i will get through this heartache and look back and say, wtf was i thinking but until that day we have to muddle along doing the things we do, i remember hearing in a movie " will i ever laugh again"... yes when something is funny, I do laugh and then i remember the last time i really laughed and it was with him and then i cry.

 

We will get there one day......... when that day will be is anyones guess

[ballycastle]

 

I ask myself the question, what did i do that was so wrong, will this happen with the next man i meet, do i give him everything i have to give only to be let down again... i dont know the answer to that.

 

 

We will get there one day......... when that day will be is anyones guess

 

 

So do I ask myself that question. I have been accused of 'over thinking' things but that is the creative part of me, trying to make sense of my loss.

 

 

I was abandoned as a child so I guess that plays a part.

 

 

Yes hour by hour is the only way. Weekends are hard and Xmas coming up will compound feelings too.

 

 

Good luck on your journey. At least we have Loveshack...

[Justm3x]

My mental health nurse tells me the same thing... I over think everything, i know its the wrong thing to do but sometimes we cant help it.....

 

The weekends are the worst, ive just sat here crying my eyes out wondering when this will all stop, i want to hate him so much for what he's done, how can someone do this to another person... he says he thinks about me all the time, does he? i find that hard to believe.

 

Sometime i just want to die and be with my dad and all this will go away.

[willpower321]

Does anyone here have any tips on how to not be so angry?

For the past 8 days straight I am just so pissed off I am beside myself...

I am mad at him, myself everything that happened.

 

I don't know. The worst thing is that I know he just doesn't care. He will just find some new sucker to do everything for him again.

 

I am going to the gym tonight in hopes that I will shake this a bit but I really am not sure...I was so happy for 3-4 weeks and all of a sudden everything went sour.

[Justaguy30]

I still miss my abusive ex sometimes 10 months on. Love is tough. Be strong because I doubt if talking would go anywhere unless you hope to get back together.

[Arient]

Does anyone here have any tips on how to not be so angry?

For the past 8 days straight I am just so pissed off I am beside myself...

I am mad at him, myself everything that happened.

 

I don't know. The worst thing is that I know he just doesn't care. He will just find some new sucker to do everything for him again.

 

I am going to the gym tonight in hopes that I will shake this a bit but I really am not sure...I was so happy for 3-4 weeks and all of a sudden everything went sour.

 

Sorry, but I do not have any answers for you. Just want to tell you that the angry phrase sometimes resurfaced, like in my case, I had 2-3 days with utter anger towards him and towards myself. But I just let it naturally passed. Otherwise, just think logically, they were our exes, so they were our former lovers, we loved them at some points so they must have done some nice things for us. With that, I changed my anger to something more forgiving towards my ex, even though I really think he did nothing wrong (when I'm in my right mind ) For the anger towards yourself and everything, I can relate to it big way I think maybe you should set aside sometime to release such anger, and then choose to stop it, focus on the plans you have for the next week, next month, if you don't have them, make them then. It can play as a distraction to free our mind somewhat from the anger.

 

The grieving cycle will still run for a while, so do not worry too much if you found yourself totally okay for a month and then have a sudden 'down' phase. I'm at 9 month mark and I actually felt so damn bad and sad and even cried a lot around 2 weeks ago, but now, it's fine again

[Jewels7]

It has been about a week since my ex contacted me last and he begged for me back and when I told him no I already gave him chance after chance. He got mad and told me that if he ever decided to try again he would find someone new who would be nothing like me.

 

I got a message from him last night saying he found someone new and that he "found someone to fill the emptiness of me leaving" He said he's going to give it a shot and that me pushing him away pushed him to someone else and that he's going to be happy and that he hopes I can find that too one day.

 

WTH? A week and a half ago he was telling me how much he loved me and that I would be the one who got away, etc. now he says he's found someone new?!? I wish I could not care but I do.

[Arient]

It has been about a week since my ex contacted me last and he begged for me back and when I told him no I already gave him chance after chance. He got mad and told me that if he ever decided to try again he would find someone new who would be nothing like me.

 

I got a message from him last night saying he found someone new and that he "found someone to fill the emptiness of me leaving" He said he's going to give it a shot and that me pushing him away pushed him to someone else and that he's going to be happy and that he hopes I can find that too one day.

 

WTH? A week and a half ago he was telling me how much he loved me and that I would be the one who got away, etc. now he says he's found someone new?!? I wish I could not care but I do.

 

Hahahahaha, sorry for laughing, but seriously, your ex is such a childish person, and more than ever, he REALLY PROVED that he still loved and cared about you a lot. To me, it looks like a child who wants to be friend with another child (B), after being rejected, that child gets cranky and make friend with child (let's call C) and then try to come back to shove it to child B's face that "see, I'm so good that I can find another friend, I do not need you to be my friend". If this situation happens to me, it would somewhat hurt me, but I think I would feel like I somehow has his back. If he's really over you or do not love you anymore, then he would not give a damn about you knowing about the new love or not, because you mean nothing to him now. And if he really still loves you and knows how to love a woman decently, then he would definitely should not do this, as this would harm the person whom he loves/cares about. Either way, if you can, please cut him off, and change the number so he can't disturb you anymore. For some reasons, I really think that your ex will keep coming back with similar things in the future.

[Jewels7]

Thank you Arient. I really should not have responded to it but I got mad and told him what a mean and vicious person he was that I don't think I love him anymore, etc. I should never ever have responded but I did and things got really ugly after that. He told me I wasn't his last anything and he asked if I thought he was going to wait around like a puppy which I said I knew he wasnt. No one has ever made me crazy the way he does. He told me he couldn't be with someone else because he said it would feel like cheating and then I pointed this out after he said he was with someone else and he called me a liar. Maybe this is gaslighting? I just don't know what to think I just wish it wouldn't bother me though. And I've changed my number and blocked him on FB. The problem is he makes up new accounts and even pretended to be his cousin at one point. I don't want to delete my FB even though I should. I just don't want him to have power over me.

[willpower321]

Oh I totally understand that whole not wanting him to have the power over you thing... Honestly - I am the kind of person who really could care less about social media. And I do not want to delete my account for the same reason because it would feel as though he is winning... I totallly get that.

 

But what I have done is not looked at my fb. It is the only way he can get in touch with me besides calling my friends or showing up at my home.. Which he has not done... So the last conversation we had was through facebook and I just have not signed into it since last week Tuesday. Out of sight out of mind. Delete the app off your phone and really push yourself not to look at it for a while. That is what I have been doing... realistically why should you let him anger you and throw you off track right now? He doesn't deserve that power over your life so eliminate it... We can't think clearly if they are influencing our lives... I also found myself checking it obsessively at a point and then when he didn't respond right away I became sad - but the communication was about our mutual dog which he has for various reasons. I just became so angry and sad. I realized from being on here that if a man wants you back sincerely I would be the first to know. So unless this guy changes his life in a big way and comes crawling back with proof and a lot of apologies - there is not any need for me to talk to him. The dog situation is out of my hands now, which I deal with on a daily basis.

 

 

You seem to be very similar to me in that when he sends a message like he did you let it get you all worked up and respond right away... The next time he sends something or your are communicating with him type out what you want to say. Then read it a few times and come back to it but don't send it.

IF you do not let yourself get emotional when you respond - the message will change drastically. I get all worked up and he knows exactly how to tie me right into a knot.. which sounds like your situation too. I believe he is telling you there is someone else to get you worked up for attention - and also so you will respond to him.

 

I am not sure what else to say to you besides maybe you should think about what you really want here.... Do you want him back? Do you not? Or are you just having a rough time right now? Because you should act accordingly to what you want... There is not any sense in going back and forth in messages with him giving him that satisfaction of knowing he still has you all wrapped up about another woman. I get where you are coming from you are not alone. Try to remember why you left him - remember a fight or something he did to you that just totally burns you, it helps me when I feel weak...

[Athens58]

It's been a month since my estranged wife and I last talked... I see her from time to time when she drops off the kids at my house or my parent's place. So far we have split custody to the kids alternate weeks at her place and mine. I found out about her new person a month ago and cut everything off... I couldn't look at her it hurt so much. She's asked to meet to discuss the kids/custody/and holidays but I would rather keep it through e mail and through my attorney. When I have seen her she wishes me happy holidays or asks how I'm doing, why? My kids tell me that she asks them not to talk about me because she misses me, when my daughter tells her that she misses me, she tells her that she does too. My son tells me that she cries for me but that she takes them on play dates with other guys and their kids. I change the subject when the kids start talking about their mother and I've had to have a serious talk with my son when he tells me he hates his mom for having someone else, he wants me to get a girlfriend. I tell him that I can't do that because I'm still married to his mother and I don't need a girlfriend. There are good days and bad, sometimes I wish that I could make the pain go away but I can't.