FaithInTheDark Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I met a guy online and we went out to a lounge type place for drinks and food on Friday night.We seemed to get along great. We talked until closing; so we were there for several hours. We did have several drinks but neither of us were sloppy,we were just having fun. The bill came and he paid for it all which I thought was nice since it was like $170 and he wouldn't let me chip in. He said I could buy him dinner next time. ... He mentioned me coming over to his place to hang out but I decided it was best to go home and end on a good note. He walked me home and we had a hot make out season before departing. I was pretty impressed with the date as you never know with meeting someone online. The next day I texted him thanking him for the awesome night. He responded " haha no problem, I can't believe how drunk I got. Haha I had fun too!" I sent him a funny picture about a musician we were talking bout on Friday but no response. Anyways, it's Monday evening and I haven't really heard from him. I know it's only been three days but I'm kinda confused. We had a great date , he brought up me getting him back next time for dinner, and stuff. Am I jumping the gun here? I'm wondering if I should text him this week to see how he is doing or just start coming to terms maybe he's not into me ? Any advice?
beach Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 You need to plan a dinner date - the one where you pay the bill. That was the agreement now do your part in it.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 I have no problem taking him out for dinner. I just wasn't sure since I haven't heard much from him since the first date
beach Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I have no problem taking him out for dinner. I just wasn't sure since I haven't heard much from him since the first date So just call and ask him out to dinner - your treat. His answer should tell you if he's interested or not.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I would pick up the phone & call him. Use the voice feature. Point blank say would you like to join me for dinner at ________ {fill in restaurant} on _________ {fill in date}, my treat?
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Okay I'll take your advice 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 YOU thought the date went great. He obviously didn't, or else he would have texted you the night of or the day after the date - when a guy is really interested, he will follow up a date with a text. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you BOTH had a great time - let a guys ACTIONS tell you whether or not he enjoyed himself immensely.] Sounds like he had a fun night bit you were nothing special in his view, since he clearly has a phone and could have texted you any time after the date, if he DID want to tell you what a great time he had.... Please stop getting carried away. I only assume a guy is into me if he initiates texts after a date. No texts and no follow up from the guy = low interest. 2
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Yeah I guess that's what I thought and learned in the past. If a guy is interested there's no guessing. Ouch, oh well I'll look at it as a good night and move forward. Thanks
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 I'm not sure what you mean " stop getting carried away" ??? Ummm I was simply asking people's thoughts on this
greenman77 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Yeah I guess that's what I thought and learned in the past. If a guy is interested there's no guessing. Ouch, oh well I'll look at it as a good night and move forward. Thanks If YOU had a good time and want to see him again simply text him or call him. That's the only way you'll find out. Good luck!
Ruby Slippers Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) I agree that when he's interested there will be no question. I went on a first date a couple of weeks ago that I thought was great. I wasn't 100% sure about the guy, but I liked him enough to go on a second date. But he never followed up, so obviously wasn't interested. Disappointing, but just part of dating. Better to know right away he's not interested than on down the line. Like you, I found it strange that my date hinted at another date, even said he would text and call, but didn't. I don't suggest or hint at further communication if I'm not feeling it. I went on another good first date this past weekend and the guy texted me shortly after we parted ways to give glowing feedback, later in the day suggested another date soon, and has texted me a bit today, too. No question he's interested. Edited December 2, 2014 by Ruby Slippers 2
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I'd have to agree with others that say he just wasn't that into you. I've never known a man to slack off on communication when he was truly interested. 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 I texted him to see how he was doing... We've been texting for the past hour. I asked if he was into going for sushi sometime , my treat and he said sure. I think I'll see if he initiates contact ... If he's not reaching out ... I'll just forget him 2
beach Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I texted him to see how he was doing... We've been texting for the past hour. I asked if he was into going for sushi sometime , my treat and he said sure. I think I'll see if he initiates contact ... If he's not reaching out ... I'll just forget him You said you would make a voice call to invite him. Text isn't voice call - you missed your opportunity. And you've lowered the bar for him calling you too. And of course you don't have a firm day and time for dinner... You texted. Text is not personal - that's why phoning him was suggested. Now you've got no real date set with an hour of stupid texting.
Jules Dash Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 He's on the fence simply because you are #2 behind an exceptional #1. Just continue to play it cool and don't smother him with communication. Sometimes it is a good idea to plan on winning someone over in the long run with a slow, very steady build. Play it cool for as long as you can tolerate it. His communication may be sporadic initially. When it becomes more regular, absolutelty do not assume that you have him at that point. Still be cool and nonoverwhelming. 2
PogoStick Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I asked if he was into going for sushi sometime , my treat and he said sure. So when is the date? (those are the sarcastic eyes if you don't get it) The guys here are right in busting you. Most guys will not initiate and ask for a date where you are going to be paying. That's totally weird. Is he supposed to call you up and say "Hey I want you to take me out and pay for sushi this Saturday, are you free?" He drops $170 on the first date and the girls here are already dissing him, "play it cool" "he should be texting you". WTF girls?! Step up or go home. 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Nah. If a man meets a girl who knocks his socks off, you can bet that he will remain in steady contact providing she doesn't play games, and that she is into it too.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 I didn't confirm a Time because I'm getting the vibe he's not into me. I respect not smothering him with communication and giving him space. I like the guy and I think I've shown that by asking if he wants to get together again. I've chased guys in the past and I'm still single. If he hits me up on getting together in my sushi offer great. But this guessing game makes me feel small. One person said "don't fall in a trap of thinking he had a great date too" Well if you weren't into a girl why would you stay 4hours on the date with her? Why would you drop $170 on the bill? Why would you go for a kiss a few diffrent time during the date? I'm NOT trying to read into this too much but my dating history has been awful and extremely painful in the past. I'm just trying to prevent the same mistakes
Jules Dash Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Well if you weren't into a girl why would you stay 4hours on the date with her? Why would you drop $170 on the bill? Why would you go for a kiss a few diffrent time during the date? I'm NOT trying to read into this too much but my dating history has been awful and extremely painful in the past. I'm just trying to prevent the same mistakes Experienced daters knows how to treat their dates well and have a good time even when they are not very interested. They also know how to let you down easy and make a smooth exit. Don't screw up his smooth exit. It can be very annoying. Play it cool.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Well if you weren't into a girl why would you stay 4hours on the date with her? Why would you drop $170 on the bill? Why would you go for a kiss a few diffrent time during the date? The date I mentioned, the guy who hasn't followed up since, made several moves to prolong our date to about 5 hours, even inviting me to a second location. He spent at least $100 on a very nice lunch. I didn't get why he would do either of those things if he wasn't interested. Who knows? With the guy this weekend who seems very interested, I just had a one-hour lunch and he spent half as much. So I don't think the duration or cost of the date necessarily tells you anything. But followup (or lack of it) says it all. As for the kissing, given that he asked you back to his place, he was hoping for some action that night. And him not asking you out again suggests he doesn't like you enough to make any more effort than that. 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Actions say it all. I met a guy a week or so ago and he texted me right after our meeting, he texted my excitedly during the week and he couldn't wait to see me. Then we met and although he texts daily, he doesn't make plans to see me because he has kids and lives 4 hours away. The truth of the matter is: he just isn't that into me. If he was, he would be excitedly planning our next outing - doesn't matter how much a guy spends, or how much the guy carries on about how attractive and awesome you are (this guy carried on about how attracted he was to me, all of me) - it means NOTHING if the guy doesn't follow up with future dates! If a guy doesn't initiate or at least SUGGEST a second date, and he is happy to go two weeks or more without seeing you again - he is NOT into you for more than just sex and a good time. If this guy felt like he had the "wow" factor with you, he would want to minimize the risk of another guy getting to you! I have had guys carry on and on about how into me they were! Only to have sex with me and disappear... because they thought I was attractive enough to have sex with and fun enough to chat with via text all day - but that IS ALL! Paying for expensive meals, when a guy compliments you incessantly, when a guy tells you how excited he felt upon first meeting you and ANY form of flattery and him paying for expensive meals - it all means NOTHING until he follows up dates and eagerly plans next ones......
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I didn't confirm a Time because I'm getting the vibe he's not into me. I respect not smothering him with communication and giving him space. I like the guy and I think I've shown that by asking if he wants to get together again. I've chased guys in the past and I'm still single. If he hits me up on getting together in my sushi offer great. But this guessing game makes me feel small. One person said "don't fall in a trap of thinking he had a great date too" Well if you weren't into a girl why would you stay 4hours on the date with her? Why would you drop $170 on the bill? Why would you go for a kiss a few diffrent time during the date? I'm NOT trying to read into this too much but my dating history has been awful and extremely painful in the past. I'm just trying to prevent the same mistakes Here are the things guy have said to me, even though they were not that into me: - omg I had a wow factor when I met you Leigh 87, instant fire works type of thing, I have not felt this before/ in a while - you are soooo awesonme, so pretty and yet such an awesome girl omg this is amazing that we met - they would text me daily and initiate texts and even care if I didn't initiate texts often enough (they were worried I wasn't that into them) - they paid for everything - they couldn't keep their hands off me and they acted like they were very attracted to me and that they felt "lucky" to have me - one guy even said that he was falling in love with me These guys turned out to be not that into me. Words are cheap. Actions mean everything.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Give it a day or two . . . in that sense play it cool. When you reach out again, CALL. I can't emphasize that enough. Do not text. When you call, nail down a date & time. It's the only way to move forward
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