soconfused72 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) Ok, been through BS and back. Had a gut feeling my wife was wanting to creep. Created a fake email from a BF of hers from high school (knew this wasn't a good idea). Anyway, after talking to her for a few weeks now (as him), she is ready to take the next step and cheat... What do I do?? Let the marriage go? I do love her but now all of this.... We have 4 kids together... Smh............... Edited December 1, 2014 by soconfused72
NateGrey Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) This sounds like an episode from a sitcom, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you. Well, dude..if you created a fake email and she took the bait it means you have all the proof you need that she would cheat on you. This also means she might of cheated in the past as well. I mean hell it only took a few weeks for an old boyfriend to convince her to cheat? Wow. You have 4 kids and that makes the situation tricky, but the question is do you want to stay with this woman? I don't see why you would other then for your kids, but if you do that you need to make a few changes with her either way. One thing to be careful though, I would not tell her that you are the fake boyfriend when you confront her(if you confront her). Reason being: she might pull a "I did it because I knew it was you!". So, just act like you found out because you got into her email account somehow or something. For me, she'd be out the door already, but then I don't have children. I think you should divorce her, like I said..it only took a few weeks to get her to want to meet up with this guy, that means it's not exactly hard to get her to cheat, which makes you wonder if she has cheated in the past as well. I hate to ask, but do you know the 4 kids are all yours? I just ask because you have 4 kids which tells me you have probably been married a decent amount of time, and if with all that history it is this easy to get her to cheat maybe she has done it before? I don't know. Edited December 1, 2014 by NateGrey
Clay Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Colorado is a great place to start over. There is so much to do and there are lots of jobs. I would send her packing. I would show her the messages along with a copy of the divorce papers. There is no way I would even give her a second to explain herself. You knew something was up and your gut was right. Now its time to step up and just be a good dad to your kids. I divorced and won custody of my four kids. It was difficult but worth every cent. I hope you are able to move on from your situation. Clay
Author soconfused72 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 Yeah man in fact she has cheated in the past (14 years ago) and so have I. I think I am a product of my own guilty conscience. She is aware of my recent dabblings which I regret to the fullest but that is all neither here nor there now. I agree to get her to do it just after a few weeks sux, kinda tells me a lot. Yes I love her and yes we have been together a long time. Just knew when I was making that email it wasn't the best thing and now its proven....
Author soconfused72 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 Thanks Clay, I appreciate it Bro!
lolablue17 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Well, it's a problem because what you did (The fake account) is also a huge violation of vows. It's not fair, you know, and in court if an under cover cop is seducing someone to buy drugs, the judge will drop all charges against this guy. BUT!! If you've already done that, and i'm not going to judge you for that, you have now two intriguing options. 1. Make this virtual fake connection to fade out, and to try to get close to your wife and reconcile without any actual cheating took place. (and without telling her anything). If she cooperates you might get your wife back into you because she'll need your support. 2. continue with the fake account for ever, and of course there will be never any "next step". That's how you fulfill her needs for some thrills, and on the other hand make 100% sure that she isn't cheating because you're he OM. So you let your wife some fantasies, but not actual cheating. If you think of it, you're in a great position. As long as you don't tell her about the fake account. If I were you I would choose the first option. Good luck.
NateGrey Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Well, it's a problem because what you did (The fake account) is also a huge violation of vows. It's not fair, you know, and in court if an under cover cop is seducing someone to buy drugs, the judge will drop all charges against this guy. If it's a huge violation of vows it is still but a mere drop of water in the ocean compared to cheating, but it seems they both cheated, but that the wife is eager to do it again. It sure is entrapment, but the problem is she fell for it. 1. Make this virtual fake connection to fade out, and to try to get close to your wife and reconcile without any actual cheating took place. (and without telling her anything). If she cooperates you might get your wife back into you because she'll need your support. She is willing to cheat on him again, why should he not say anything? As far as I am concerned, this woman has cheated already. She emotionally cheated with this "fake bf". She obviously has to have some left over feelings to jump back into the sack so quickly. 2. continue with the fake account for ever, and of course there will be never any "next step". That's how you fulfill her needs for some thrills, and on the other hand make 100% sure that she isn't cheating because you're he OM. So you let your wife some fantasies, but not actual cheating. This option makes no sense. She doesn't get to fulfill her cheating thrills. If she wants to roleplay then the husband needs to be in on that. If she gets a thrill via cheating on her spouse she is sick and has a problem, so why would you encourage this man to feed her problems? If you think of it, you're in a great position. As long as you don't tell her about the fake account. If I were you I would choose the first option. Good luck. His wife is willing to cheat on him again. He is only in a great position in that he now KNOWS about it.
Author soconfused72 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Still not sure what exactly to do. Feels good though to get outside advice from people who aren't anywhere close to the situation so thank you all! Would love to get a woman's take on it though...... Once I figure it out I'll surely post to let you all know where I stand.
sm2281 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Ok, been through BS and back. Had a gut feeling my wife was wanting to creep. Created a fake email from a BF of hers from high school (knew this wasn't a good idea). Anyway, after talking to her for a few weeks now (as him), she is ready to take the next step and cheat... What do I do?? Let the marriage go? I do love her but now all of this.... We have 4 kids together... Smh............... If it were me and I wanted to save the marriage, I would make a romantic appointment at a nice hotel, and have an affair You can talk later - keep it romantic. Remind her why she loves you. Sometimes that is what it takes. When she arrives, and sees it's you, just put your finger over her mouth and tell her not to talk, and let go of all reason and just fall in love again for the night. Then, the next morning, take her to breakfast and have that heartfelt talk about why she wanted to cheat and work on the big stuff afterward. Maybe you can save it. If you don't want to save it, call her out on her crap and leave. 1
sm2281 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Let her know WHY you took such measures -- because you had to know, and now that you know what is going on and were so sneaky about it -- make sure and let her know it was because you didn't want her to cheat, and now she doesn't have to. You guys can have an affair together. I was married for 10 years and when I was with my husband I thought about cheating. Never did. Took romantic weekends. It helped until his addiction overtook our life causing divorce. But when I did think about cheating, it wasnt because of lack of love -- it was that i needed something mysterious and new. A change for once.
jm2013 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) So her infidelity 14 years ago still stuck with you through all those years? Would you have still had an affair if she had been faithful your entire marriage? Sorry, I'm just curious. You're in a tricky situation. From what it sounds like is there was never a true reconciliation that happened. IT sound like there was still resentment carried through all those years. Did you originally reconcile for the kids? Edited December 2, 2014 by jm2013
aliveagain Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Book the date than show up after her, sit down beside her and tell her that it's an amazing coincidence that your both in the same place, have some fun with her. See if she squirms than start asking her what she's doing there, who's got the kids. She'll be expecting O/M to walk in anytime. Than take the time to explain to her that if her ex boyfriend really had shown up your marriage would be over and this is her last chance to get help because your taking yourself out of infidelity, one way or another. You both need independent counselling. 7
TrustedthenBusted Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Yeah man in fact she has cheated in the past (14 years ago) and so have I. I think I am a product of my own guilty conscience. She is aware of my recent dabblings which I regret to the fullest but that is all neither here nor there now. . why is it all neither here nor there? revenge affairs are SUPER common as betrayed spouses ( even FWS ) are usually still reeling from the betrayal. The fact that you two don't trust eachother or respect eachother ( right now ) is your only REAL problem, and that is not neither here nor there good buddy.
sm2281 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Monogamy is rare in nature. That is what commitment is for. 1
Wondering33 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 The saying is, curiosity killed the cat. It sounds like to me that you picked specificly someone from her past that she had a real connection with to do this. You set her up for failure & as a husband you ought to be ashamed of yourself. It be different if you would have pretended to be some random guy she never met & she wanted to meet up. What you did was create a problem for yourself when at the moment there wasn't one & now want to play the victim. So what should you do? Tell her what an idiot you are & get to the bottom of why your relationship isn't stronger. As of right now you're not trying to make you two a stronger unit for your kids,as a man & the head of your family, you're playing teenage boy games with way too much to lose. 2
Mr. Lucky Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Yeah man in fact she has cheated in the past (14 years ago) and so have I. I think I am a product of my own guilty conscience. She is aware of my recent dabblings which I regret to the fullest but that is all neither here nor there now. I wonder how strong - or gentle - a push it would take to get you to fall again? When she arrives, and sees it's you, just put your finger over her mouth and tell her not to talk, and let go of all reason and just fall in love again for the night. Does she like Pina Coladas? Or getting caught in the rain? Mr. Lucky 1
Realist3 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Ok, been through BS and back. Had a gut feeling my wife was wanting to creep. Created a fake email from a BF of hers from high school (knew this wasn't a good idea). Anyway, after talking to her for a few weeks now (as him), she is ready to take the next step and cheat... What do I do?? Let the marriage go? I do love her but now all of this.... We have 4 kids together... Smh............... A few weeks now. No pictures, just talking. No friending each other on FB, just banter over email. There is either one of two scenarios going on here and neither of them are very good.
NateGrey Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 The saying is, curiosity killed the cat. It sounds like to me that you picked specificly someone from her past that she had a real connection with to do this. You set her up for failure & as a husband you ought to be ashamed of yourself. It be different if you would have pretended to be some random guy she never met & she wanted to meet up. What you did was create a problem for yourself when at the moment there wasn't one & now want to play the victim. So what should you do? Tell her what an idiot you are & get to the bottom of why your relationship isn't stronger. As of right now you're not trying to make you two a stronger unit for your kids,as a man & the head of your family, you're playing teenage boy games with way too much to lose. Curiosity killed the cat, and being willing to sleep with an ex after only a few weeks killed the marriage. 3
spanz1 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 well, you have an interesting op here! ask her "what types of kinky sex do you want to try, but are too afraid to ask your husband?" and be sure to write down every last one of them. 1
dichotomy Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 This sounds like an episode from a sitcom, . Actually wasn't there a TV show were married women would send some hot undercover woman to flirt with their husband (at a bar or something) and see if he would take the bait? Some of cheating is as simple as opportunity and situation..
badkarma2013 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 The saying is, curiosity killed the cat. It sounds like to me that you picked specificly someone from her past that she had a real connection with to do this. You set her up for failure & as a husband you ought to be ashamed of yourself. It be different if you would have pretended to be some random guy she never met & she wanted to meet up. What you did was create a problem for yourself when at the moment there wasn't one & now want to play the victim. So what should you do? Tell her what an idiot you are & get to the bottom of why your relationship isn't stronger. As of right now you're not trying to make you two a stronger unit for your kids,as a man & the head of your family, you're playing teenage boy games with way too much to lose. You are totally INCORRECT...he created a scenario and SHE MADE A CHOICE...NOT A MISTAKE...Many BHS have hired DECOY to test their WS...sadly for alot of us here MOST FAIL......
TrustedthenBusted Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I'm a pretty loyal guy so far, and have been through a lot already. But if someone sent a hot enough decoy on the right day, after just the right number of Gin & Tonics, at a business dinner in another state.... I dunno. That's all I'm saying.
NateGrey Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I'm a pretty loyal guy so far, and have been through a lot already. But if someone sent a hot enough decoy on the right day, after just the right number of Gin & Tonics, at a business dinner in another state.... I dunno. That's all I'm saying. All you've really said is under the right circumstances, like being drunk and in another state, you will cheat.
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