taryntan Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I have been with many guys that are mean towards women and put me down. (They can never take the same treatment back whatsoever though). I've had 6 boyfriends and 4 out of 6 of them did this and it was a main factor of breaking up. They tried to morph me into a woman that will roll over and take being put down but they get pissed off, either overtly or internalize it, when I say anything back. They usually started showing it after several months of dating, not in the beginning or "courting phase" I am worried my new bf, with whom we became official a week ago, is already showing signs. We have been dating 2 months. He works with construction workers, was one for 7 years and is a manager, which makes me nervous because they tend to be chauvinistic and degrading towards women. I find it hard to believe their ways haven't rubbed off on him at all and I get the impression he hasn't had many girlfriends. He told me many of his co workers are like this and have big egos but hes not like that. Last night when we watched TV for 2 hours, there were a lot of funny commercials. The only one he laughed at was one where a guy was being an ******* towards a woman for no reason and telling her off. He took me shooting for the first time a week ago. I have never shot a gun before or been around guns and was shaking a little because I was nervous. When we watched an action TV show last night with shooting I saw the main character was shaking a bit while doing it and pointed it out. He immediately said "Yeah, you are just trying to justify how you were" On our second date, we went to a convention where I got approached by a modeling agency. I told him about this yesterday and his immediate reaction was "oh they approach everyone Ive seen their ads and the girls aren't even attractive" I don't think he was jealous he went on for about 5 minutes about it and how they approach every single young woman there. Don't get me wrong...he acts nice pretty much most of the time but he does seem to think being nice to women is just holding open doors and buying things for them. I am just worried these are red flags that he is going to become degrading. Am I crazy? If I am please tell me so.
mammasita Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Soooooooo, what's the common denominator in your relationships???? YOU What is it that draws you to these men and what is it that keeps you around? If it were me and he liked to put me down about the modeling thing and being nervous about the shooting, because he is absolutely, very subtly putting you down, I'd have looked at him and said "You don't have to be such a prick, you *******". 1
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 This isn't a Q of if he's going to become degrading. He already is. The Q is why do you let people treat you like this & when are you going to stop? When he criticized you for shaking while you were shooting, you should have come back at him with something along the lines of if he were a better teacher. When he made comments about how the modeling agency approaches everyone, you should have told him that was a mean thing to say & that you assumed he thought you were attractive because he was dating you. You have to stick up for yourself. 3
Zahara Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Don't get me wrong...he acts nice pretty much most of the time but he does seem to think being nice to women is just holding open doors and buying things for them. I am just worried these are red flags that he is going to become degrading. Am I crazy? If I am please tell me so. I'm sure the other 4 were pretty nice most of the time until their true colors started showing. What you have with him is probably still in the early stages but I can only think that at some point when the relationship is settled, there is no holding back when he wants to say what he wants to say. He's rude and unkind.
Author taryntan Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 I'm sure the other 4 were pretty nice most of the time until their true colors started showing. What you have with him is probably still in the early stages but I can only think that at some point when the relationship is settled, there is no holding back when he wants to say what he wants to say. He's rude and unkind. Should I break up with him now?
Author taryntan Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 He also said he prefers skinny girls and thinks Kate Upton is fat and not curvy. Which worries me because while Im a thinner version of her now, I anticipate I will look more like her in 5 years because my metabolism is slowing down.
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 If you can stand up to him, you don't have to break up with him. If you are going to let him walk all over you & continue to say mean things, how is that a relationship?
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