tommy_tgz Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 LShackers, How are you guys all hanging in during the holidays? I know its tough, there's tough moments for me as well with my recent break up, but seasons change and times will pass so stay strong. Got a question for everyone out there, I really need feedback on what to do.. My ex and I have been broken up for 6 weeks after a 1 year relationship. I live in a great condo by the beach at a great price with a pretty good roommate so I love my living situation. My ex however, lives only about 10 minutes away. Many roads I take during my commute to work or to go eat remind me of when her and I were together. The chance of her and I running into each other is there, but so far it hasn't happened. Sometimes the memories as I drive by certain places are nostalgic and painful but I try to remind myself it could fade over time. My ex was for sure a Borderline Personality Disorder girl who hurt me a lot towards the end of our break up. As much as I know she's not good for me and we had a dysfunctional relationship, she reeled me in real good by idealizing me and making me feel on top of the world some times. I'm still in the sadness stage but I've already accepted that we will never get back together and I don't want her back. I just feel the holiday loneliness this time of year which is making it harder for me to get over this. Do you guys think I should give up my ideal living situation and move to another city to get myself away from old haunts and memories or stay where I'm at and eventually things will get better? Thanks again LoveShackers you guys are all worthy people and we'll make it out of the tunnel eventually.
Ducktape Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 "Wherever you are, there you are." Moving away from a place you like won't solve your problem and heal your heart. You'll find other things to remind yourself of her wherever you are. I would stay there if I was you!
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Don't move. Especially not right now. You aren't in your right frame of mind. You are grieving. You aren't thinking straight. Rearrange your living space & try to take a different route when you drive but let the ocean heal you.
Zahara Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I used to live a block down from my ex. Changed my routes and routines. Bumped into him once in awhile. Kick in the gut but I got over it everytime. In 6 months I was able to go back to my old routes and routines. Six weeks is still very raw. You shouldn't make a decision to move based on how you are feeling because months from now you may feel differently. Plus, you can't run away just because of a failed relationship. If the holidays are going to make you blue knowing she's in close proximity -- make plans, travel, go for a short vacation, go spend it with family/friends.
JChristie Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 i am someone who moved away from ex-boyfriends. in some ways, you end up meeting new people you may never have met. on the other hand, it can be challenging to make new friends. usually i didn't have as ideal a living situation as you.... I think in this situation, even me, an experienced 'runner', would try to stay, and find ways to move on.
Firestarter1069 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I found myself in the same situation recently. I have an open job offer to move about 6 hours away. When I was in my relationship I talked about taking the job with her. We decided against it because if we were going to move anywhere we didn't want to go north. This job has crossed my mind recently and I decided that I wasn't going to move. Yes the memory of her hurts me a little here and there yet, especially since we work at the same place, but I have too many friends here that I don't want to leave. I would stay put if I were you no matter how much it hurts. There are places we used to go to that I wouldn't even think about going to anymore. I even take a different route to the bar I frequent which is about 5 minutes from my house, it now takes me almost 20 minutes to get there. So if you need to change routines, do it, but again stay put if you like living there so much.
BC1980 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I was given the advice to wait a year before making any major decisions/changes. This time last year, I wanted to move, but, now, I'm glad I didn't. My perspective changed with time, and yours likely will too. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I did move. And it was the best decision I ever made. But I hated where I was living even before the BU, so it just made sense. The pieces fit together nicely!!! Actually just went back to that town to visit the few friends I had there for T-Day. And I was looking around thinking how glad I was to have the balls to pack up and move to a new town where I knew nothing and no one. I dunno, worked out well for me. And, it was about a year after my BU that I finally moved. Had a job I needed to stick around for. But lost that and said 'peace out'!!! 1
Author tommy_tgz Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Thanks for all the helpful insight guys, I'm just going to stay put for now. 1
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Yeah, normally I would encourage you to move. But, a Condo on a beach?!?!?! Dude, you need to stay put! 1
Author tommy_tgz Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 Yeah, normally I would encourage you to move. But, a Condo on a beach?!?!?! Dude, you need to stay put! Haha thanks guys, you really helped my decision. I'm doing much better already staying NC and working on my own goals.
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