Septemberblue Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I've posted about this before and I was told it was too long so I made it shorter... I've been seeing a man for a little over 3 months now and he told me that he would be in grad school for the next year and a half. Because I liked him so much and we hit it off so well in the beginning I was willing to continue dating him, even though I knew we would not spend a lot of time together. I've made a lot of mistake along the way in this "relationship". I had sex with him on our second date and we continuously has sex every time we saw each other since. Now 3 months later and I am feeling myself fall in love with him and I don't know what to do. 2 weeks ago I got a call from him and he told me about some legal trouble he got in when he was younger in his teens that was coming back to haunt him in his job search. When I went to his place to comfort him he asked me "do you like me?" I told him "yes" and as asked him if he liked me (I didn't know what to expect at this point). He says to me, "yeah and I'm being so stupid." I didn't know what that meant so I said "why?" He says, "because I keep ****ing you." Since all of that, he really opened up to me about his life. He tells me about is family, his job and what he's doing to get rid him his old police record. He's started calling me pet names (Darling, boo, baby, babe). A few days ago I was getting ready to hang out at his place for a while. He ended up blowing me off and I didn't go.I texted him back a few hours later (still pissed off) and said, "do you only see use as a causal relationship?" He texted back 10 minutes later with "I guess I do feel like that. I like you as a person but I'm extremely busy right now. I thought you were looking at it the same way." At that point I'm hysterical and I told him that all I want to do now is give him back his stuff. He kept saying that he was sorry and says, “I understand if you don't want have sex any more but does this mean we can't talk? I still want us to be friends," I asked him if I could give him back the few items I have of his during his lunch break at work (we work in the same building) and he was very adamant about him coming by my place to get them. I asked him twice and he said he wanted to come by my house to pick up a book (that he didn't even want) and a USB stick drive (that cost $10). I could have carried them back to him in my purse, no need to waste gas over this. Still he was insistent. The next day I felt bad about putting him on the spot like that so I decided (right or wrong) to apologize. He was insistent that I didn't have to say sorry and that it was so big deal at that we we're both stressed out. He told me we would get together soon most likely after finals and we can talk then. What I'm asking is, do you think I should just back out now? I feel like he didn't say he was never going to feel anything for me, only that he was too busy right now, am I grasping at anything?
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 This is pretty simple. He's told you that he's not interested in anything more than what you already have. At this point, you're in WAY deeper than he is which means you're going to end up getting hurt in the end. Unless you KNOW for certain you can navigate this "relationship" as a FWB/NSA scenario then I'd encourage you to back away sooner rather than later. Save your dignity. You're in for a world of pain if you think hanging around long enough while secretly hoping he will feel the same way will happen any time soon. It won't. Why put your life on hold for someone who isn't invested in you in the same way? Move on. 1
Author Septemberblue Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) This is pretty simple. He's told you that he's not interested in anything more than what you already have. At this point, you're in WAY deeper than he is which means you're going to end up getting hurt in the end. Unless you KNOW for certain you can navigate this "relationship" as a FWB/NSA scenario then I'd encourage you to back away sooner rather than later. Save your dignity. You're in for a world of pain if you think hanging around long enough while secretly hoping he will feel the same way will happen any time soon. It won't. Why put your life on hold for someone who isn't invested in you in the same way? Move on. How are you so sure it won't work out? I'm always curious when people are very quick to say it won't work out and that someone should leave the relationship ASAP. I don't just mean with this situation but with a lot of other relationship questions that people have. He didn't hit me, he didn't put his hands on me. He only said that he wasn't ready for a relationship right now. That's enough to run for the hills? If that were true then nobody would be in a relationship. Why is it so cut and dry? P.S. I don't plan on secretly do anything. He knows how I feel about and him and he knows what I want. Edited December 1, 2014 by Septemberblue
Mascara Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 How are you so sure it won't work out? I'm always curious when people are very quick to say it won't work out and that someone should leave the relationship ASAP. I don't just mean with this situation but with a lot of other relationship questions that people have. He didn't hit me, he didn't put his hands on me. He only said that he wasn't ready for a relationship right now. That's enough to run for the hills? If that were true then nobody would be in a relationship. Why is it so cut and dry? Because when people say they're too busy or not ready.... they mean with YOU. You could hang around this man and accept the little he is willing to give, or you can move on and find what you want, with someone who wants to give it. You're making excuses for why you should hang on, when in reality the only way to deal with someone like this is to leave their life. 2
Poppygoodwill Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Honestly, he's being very clear wiht you when he says he only saw your relationship as something casual. His actions support those words. He's telling you exactly what is true for him - though obviousky it's not really what you wanted to hear. STill, this reminds of something Maya Angelou said, "when people tell you who they are, believe them." He's answered your question. It sucks, but if you want more than he is willing to give, then it's time to move on and put him in the friendzone if you can. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 How are you so sure it won't work out? I'm always curious when people are very quick to say it won't work out and that someone should leave the relationship ASAP. I don't just mean with this situation but with a lot of other relationship questions that people have. He didn't hit me, he didn't put his hands on me. He only said that he wasn't ready for a relationship right now. That's enough to run for the hills? If that were true then nobody would be in a relationship. Why is it so cut and dry? P.S. I don't plan on secretly do anything. He knows how I feel about and him and he knows what I want. I'm not sure it won't work out BUT according to your post and by your own admission, you want more than he does. Are you planning to date other people while you're in this holding period? How would you feel if you found out he was dating other women? If you're fine with just being his f*ck buddy whenever it fits into HIS schedule, go for it. More power to you! It's one thing to carry on with your life as per usual while keeping him on the side the same way he is with you and it's a whole other thing to put your life on hold and WAIT for him to be the man you want him to. THAT is just nonsensical. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.
Author Septemberblue Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 I'm not sure it won't work out BUT according to your post and by your own admission, you want more than he does. Are you planning to date other people while you're in this holding period? How would you feel if you found out he was dating other women? If you're fine with just being his f*ck buddy whenever it fits into HIS schedule, go for it. More power to you! It's one thing to carry on with your life as per usual while keeping him on the side the same way he is with you and it's a whole other thing to put your life on hold and WAIT for him to be the man you want him to. THAT is just nonsensical. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. I do feel that I can wait a little while (while carrying on with my life) and see if he's ready to at least try and have something with me. Like I said, I put him on the spot with my question and I forced him to make a decision too quickly. He told me that we I asked him that he was literally in the middle of late homework that was due. Right up to that point he was coming around. My plan is to ease him into this and not rush him. "Bridge the gap" as this article would say... How To Turn A Fling Into A Relationship - AskMen He's not with any one else. that I know for sure. Actually I'm more focused on what he meant by this statement... "yeah [i like you] and I'm being so stupid [because] I keep ****ing you."
Divasu Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 "What's a good way to deal with this?" Go the opposite route, make him a steak sandwich. Touch his hand gently and then go clean the dishes.
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