kgal Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 I posted something similar to this b4.. but oh what the heck, here's a new post. Heehee. I've spent alot of time w/my bf over the past two months. The most time we spent apart was one day in between hanging out at times. Well, I can see how a few days apart would be good for our 'ship (both of us could have some time w/our family&friends, etc..) but he took a few days w/out even showing interest (not calling/not texting).. I saw him briefly today, and we didn't talk about "it" but he didn't act too into me either.. no kiss or hug goodbye. I feel like something is going on.. but he didnt wanna talk today cuz he was real busy. What's weird, when I first met him.. I wasnt attracted physically.. but thought I'd give it a chance...afterall, I've grown to be the "Can't judge a book by it's cover type of girl." Now.. I want this to work out.. and I want our 'ship to grow and maybe even get serious. I'm just stumped by his sudden behaivor. I'm just wondering.. if I give him space *as well as take some for myself* will things just get right back on track? I can't help but keep thinking about this.. I need something else to do to get my mind off this!
curiousnycgirl Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 Sounds like you know what you have to do - you are right, do something to keep your mind off of this. I'm not sure how long you two have been together - but I'm going to assume its the two months you reference below. If that is the case then perhaps you two started out too quickly. IMHO the beginning of a relationship should be slow/intermittent. Typically those relationships that have us all gaga over eachother right from the start fizzle out just as quickly. Having said that - it does not mean its over. I suggest you just go with the flow, give him his space and take space for yourself. I'm willing to bet he'll be back, possibly trying to go right back to how it was before. At that point it will be your option on how to handle it - back to seeing eachother everyday, or more moderately - seeing him regularly while continuing to pursue your interests and have your own life. Of course if things do not get back on course - I assure you it wasn't worth it! You deserve better!
Author kgal Posted March 20, 2005 Author Posted March 20, 2005 Curious, Thanks for your reply. I do think we started quickly.. I think things were rushed BIG TIME! I still want to pursue something w/this guy.. b'cuz I really like him and his family. I don't have tons of family here and his was so welcoming, I just felt right at home when I was around his folks. Anyways,, I am going to just give him space.. as well as keep myself pre-occupied w/stuff. I don't want to seem too available when he calls and wants to do something.. I just have in the past cuz I really enjoyed his company. I do hope things get back on course.. I'd hate to see it end after a few months.. I don't even think he's seen the "real" me yet.. It just feels like one day he's all crazy and digs me.. and the next he wants his space. Haha. I guess thats the way it goes, though!
shamen Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 Just because one does not talk to their SO every day doesn't mean that it's time to waste the relationship. I can't imagine after two months expecting a call, an email, or an actually seeing of the other person every day... That would be a little stifling to me personally and I'm a woman. Do give him some space. Don't play games by not appearing too available. Just live your life. Hang out with your friends, do your own thing, see him when you do. Answer the phone and respond to his emails when he contacts you. Contact him when you want to, but I certainly wouldn't call him every day. Enjoy the time that you have together. Don't worry about the daily phone call stuff. Not worth it, IMHO.
blue_eyes18 Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 I had a guy not long ago that was wanting to slow down, and that would have been good. I ended up getting ill cause I thought he was trying to screw with me. And he was the one who came on all strong and all to begin with. I think I might have ended it for good though, cause I don't even think he is interested like that in me anymore. I dont' know, but just act like you don't give a crap if he doesn't call you. It has to work better than doing like I did and getting all upset and calling all the time. ...... NOT good! lol
prisoner Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 if you are in a relationship with someone then the space between you will be un noticeable. there is a japanese word: 'ma'. it means the beauty in the space between two things. your time apart should be easy to handle. it should be natural. for both of you. not announced. or scheduled per se. it should not hurt. look you would break up with someone if the time together was terrible. the inverse is true. you should break up with someone if the time apart is terrible too. time apart is inevitable. when you are a couple so is time together. look when you are a couple it is normal to be with that person alot to all of the time. you are meant to be sharing time with one another and interacting with each other in alot of situations so that you know the other person. it is how we develop trust. we are territorial. time is something we perceive as ours and we share it or do not. you shouldn't feel as though the time you spent together was abnormal and the time apart makes more sense. you should not have to ask to cross a boundary after the fact. find someone it is all natural with. the time apart. the time together.
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