DirtyHairy Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Well I recently was seeing someone sort of and then we talked and it wasn't going to work. She let me down easy (it still hurt me like all hell tho). I've been told now that most girls at university don't really know the direction they want to take in life and where they want to go. This puts me in a really tough spot because I'm graduating in 5 months and still don't have a girlfriend (opportunities are hard to come by but I've dated a bit) I'm pretty sure that I won't get to meet anyone in university because of how soon I'm going to be graduating. Anyways I was wondering how hard will it be for me after university to meet someone to date and hopefully end up spending my life with? Keep in mind I'll most likely be living in a small city of 60 000 and my workplace will be filled with 20 or so middle aged people. Online dating here is terrible its like either 18-19 year olds who just like to drink and party or 20-24 year olds with 2 kids (soooo many single parents). I'm just a little worried because I thought I'd marry my high school sweetheart (that lasted through college but ended unfortunately) then I wanted to meet someone at university which almost happened but didn't. Now its like my options are online dating (which I've tried but its bad in my city) and meeting someone randomly which is so much harder. "excuse me can you help me pick out a melon? Thanks...oh by the way want to get coffee" ya not gunna happen lol Anyone on here have experience with meeting their significant other outside of university not online? I'm a little scared because I want to get married and have a family soon but I just can't seem to be dealt the right cards
PegNosePete Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 University is generally the place you'll be around the most single, available women in your life. In the "real world" it is harder to meet women. Having said that, yes what you said is right, after university people tend to move on and scatter around the world. Those you meet now may not be as good long term prospects as you'll meet in the real world. Very few people end up long-term with their high school or university partners. It happens of course and those people tend to be quite vocal about the fact, but most people take a few tries before finding the right one.
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I found it easier to have a relationship in the real world. In college there were too many parties, too many other things to do, too many new people. I never wanted to settle down. IRL, it's harder to meet people because people have more responsibilities, work, etc. but many are looking to settle down. It's also hard to carry a college relationship into the real world especially if your new jobs are taking you to different places.
oberkeat Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 OP, I've got some bad news. In my experience, it is MUCH harder to find a girlfriend after college. Almost impossible, actually. First, I work 40 hours a week at the office, which greatly inhibits the number of women I encounter. It would be easy to go a whole month without meeting someone new. Second, I'm at the age (28) where the majority of women I do encounter are married or have a long-term bf or have kids. You will never be around more single attractive women than during college. You will rarely encounter them after graduation. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. 1
Author DirtyHairy Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 That's what I'm fearing right now. I'm definitely worried about it because I'm going to be working 40hrs a week so like you guys said it will be hard to meet someone outside of work because I won't have a lot of extra time. The thing is I'm pretty set financially, I'll own a house and I'll still have my car so the one thing that's missing is a person to share it with. I'm a pretty good catch (so I've been told) I'm sweet, funny, generous and pretty honest with my feelings and I'm attractive. All those things help but if I'm not able to actually meet someone then its hard to show them that lol I think it will be easier to actually have a relationship after school since life will be more serious and less drama....but the trouble is actually finding someone. I just would like to be married around 26 or so but I've been told that that is an unrealistic goal in today's society
oberkeat Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I just would like to be married around 26 or so but I've been told that that is an unrealistic goal in today's society My father didn't get married until he was 40. You can't put a deadline on this type of thing.
Author DirtyHairy Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 My father didn't get married until he was 40. You can't put a deadline on this type of thing. That's what everyone's been telling me. If I was single until 40 I'd be pretty upset about that tho, I've got plans so really hope I can execute them. Problem is having those plans to get married is hard because its reliant on meeting someone and you have no control over their feelings
Phoe Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I was single the entire way through college and for 2 years after. I could not for the life of me get a relationship during that time. I'd say it's easier after college. More people are interested in being in relationships. College has a lot of people in "I just wanna have fun" time.
Author DirtyHairy Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 I was single the entire way through college and for 2 years after. I could not for the life of me get a relationship during that time. I'd say it's easier after college. More people are interested in being in relationships. College has a lot of people in "I just wanna have fun" time. So how do you find people to date now? Whybdid it take you 2 years after college to get a relationship? I agree that most people in college "just want to have fun" and not get attached which sucks for me lol
GoodOnPaper Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I'm just a little worried because I thought I'd marry my high school sweetheart (that lasted through college but ended unfortunately) then I wanted to meet someone at university which almost happened but didn't. I was also LTR-minded from a very young age and it made being single a very frustrating experience. For girls, the teens and early 20s is a kid-in-a candy-store phase when it comes to dating and there is nothing you can do about it. I take it your new city is not a college town? In spite of your experience -- and what I just said above -- you could have some success dating the right college girls. Some will be mature enough to appreciate LTRs but they don't necessarily want to settle down with fellow students. As a peer, you wouldn't be considered good enough to settle down with. However, you're not in that category anymore -- you are more established with your degree and starting your career track. I teach at a small university in a city of 30,000 and a lot of girls practically run to the altar right after graduation.
Phoe Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 So how do you find people to date now? Whybdid it take you 2 years after college to get a relationship? I agree that most people in college "just want to have fun" and not get attached which sucks for me lol Because I didn't give in and try OLD until 2 years after. I was still trying to get dates IRL before that
nofeelings22 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 It's just as easy. Who do you think will be in your department at the new company you are working at after graduation? Yep... other people your age. And, you'll be spending 40+ hours a week with them, going out to lunch, after work parties, etc. It is harder to get a good relationship in college because it's more a hookup culture. When I got my second job out of college, I had the second best girl of my entire life from there. Was with her for 2 years.
slizl Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 EVERYTHING is harder after college, including dating. It reminds me of this meme that has a picture of all these kids throwing their graduation hats in the air and the caption says, "congratulations, you just completed the easiest part of your life." Unfortunately, from my experience, this is true. Good luck!
mortensorchid Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I am turning 40 in a few weeks, and after college it was/is VERY hard to do much of anything. Then again, the world was a different place. We all had jobs and futures and hopes that we would not be in the economic position we are today. Once you graduate, you will all scatter out into the world. And the world, quite honestly, is a harsh place which you thought you knew but actually didn't. In terms of dating, it's rough. Now we have the internet and other means of communications. I think at some point we are all hoping that we could get a good job which has a lot of young, recent college graduates in it, but wherever those companies are I never worked at. Plus, I think a majority of people out there have very traditional values whether they like to think so or not, and if you are one of those who are fairly odd to begin with (like me) you might have a lot of trouble to begin with. Whatever you do, however, DON'T be one of those people who are in that Senior Scramble kind of mentality of grabbing onto the first available man / woman who comes along and be with them. I saw a lot of girls do that who grabbed a weak or apathetic man in the last few months of university life and demanded the commitment out of them. They are no longer married to or with that guy anymore.
PogoStick Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 It would be easy to go a whole month without meeting someone new. You will rarely encounter them after graduation. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. Now say the exact opposite and I'll agree with you. Here are some stats: 50% of women marry by age 25 70% by age 30 Of course, that means at age 25 half of all women are potentially available. And yet the average age of divorce is also 30, which will affect half of all married women; add in the 30% that never married in the first place and that leaves plenty of unmarried women.
jcrew11 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 you could always move to a city or a college town and hit on college girls. Boston has a lot of college girls and so does NYC
KatZee Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) Way harder dating after college. In college I had THRONGS of men. Literally. There was not one moment all through college that I didn't have a man chasing me, dating me, in a relationship with me. After college? Forget it. I wasted 3 years with a guy in a relationship that was never going to go anywhere. I found myself at 28 heartbroken, uninterested in dating, unwilling to date, needing to heal. I've seen guys casually here and there but I don't come across guys I'm into very often at all. I'm now 30. Still single. Between working 40+ hours a week in the office, being exhausted, going out and having zero prospects out, or seeing guys who are out with their girlfriends/wives, having crappy online dates... It's literally awful. At my age? Majority of decent men are already locked down. Married, engaged, or in long term relationships. What's left over is just crap. The damaged, the broken, the emotionally unavailable, the perpetual players/playboys, those refusing to settle down. I'm so over it. Edited December 1, 2014 by KatZee 1
jcrew11 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Way harder dating after college. In college I had THRONGS of men. Literally. There was not one moment all through college that I didn't have a man chasing me, dating me, in a relationship with me. After college? Forget it. I wasted 3 years with a guy in a relationship that was never going to go anywhere. I found myself at 28 heartbroken, uninterested in dating, unwilling to date, needing to heal. I've seen guys casually here and there but I don't come across guys I'm into very often at all. I'm now 30. Still single. Between working 40+ hours a week in the office, being exhausted, going out and having zero prospects out, or seeing guys who are out with their girlfriends/wives, having crappy online dates... It's literally awful. At my age? Majority of decent men are already locked down. Married, engaged, or in long term relationships. What's left over is just crap. The damaged, the broken, the emotionally unavailable, the perpetual players/playboys, those refusing to settle down. I'm so over it. go to grad school if you want to meet college guys
GravityMan Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Most college students are constantly surrounded by single, available prospects...in class, in the dorm, at your apt complex (if living off campus), via your friends, etc. It's kinda hard not to encounter at least a few of them. Very little effort is needed. Some are looking for something casual while others are open to something more serious. After college (but before mid 30s), there are still plenty of good single men and women out there, even though it's true that the majority of them are either coupled up in LTRs or will be very soon. However, odds are you will no longer be surrounded by them. They are more scattered; less concentrated. Maybe there's some at work...but that has risks. Anyway, this means you will need to put forth MORE effort to get out there and encounter them...but without giving off a try-hard vibe. Your windows of opportunity are far smaller as many recent grads are spending much of their time working and getting their careers started...meaning they're spending less time with friends and on dates. Less "play" time in general. Furthermore, they're more likely to know what they want in a partner (especially once they get into their mid and late 20s) AND generally speaking they tend to be a little more discerning about who they associate with. IMO, the recent grads that have few or no friends...and have difficulty making new friends or acquaintances (IOW, they aren't easily likable)...are the ones that are probably going to be in a tough situation dating-wise. Many dating opportunities originate from personal connections.
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