Vanjul Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Me and my girlfriend were in a 3 year old long distance relationship. She was the one who proposed and i was the happiest person on this earth then. She lived in a different city but i used to visit her twice or thrice a month,we both were happy. But after two years things were not going good for us,i always thought i was the problem because she always kept on saying, "you are not the same anymore" ,"you are always a negative person" things like that and as i was in love with her so much i really thought i was the problem here and i did everything in my power o make her feel happy and loved. But even then i felt she was drifting apart, i tried talking to her and she always said you are the problem here , you are always paranoid and worried about things.Then one day she called me up and said she needs a break and space for herself,just like that out of the blue.I told her we being in a long distance relationship already get so much space and why she needed a break when am trying everything to make you feel happy but she was adamant on taking a break. I somehow agreed thinking that would make things better between us. She used to go out with her friends and she also made a lot of new friends while on the break.But then she said she missed me and wanted to be with me. Things became normal but were never the same as before. Few months back in August,her sister called me and told me she wanted to talk to me about her.She said she liked us two together so i deserved to know this and she told me My girlfriend has been cheating on me since a long time and only yesterday she came to know about this. At first i couldn't believe her but then she gave me numerous proofs and even called her sister i.e. my Girlfriend and made her say everything with me listening quietly. I was devastated and very angry , i tried to give everything i could offer to this girl and still she cheated on me for a whole year. I always blamed myself for things not going good when the real reason was her cheating on me. I called her up and said i want to meet you tomorrow and told her i know that you cheated on me so better be ready to explain. I went and first thing i asked her because i loved her was that, "Choose me or him right now". She said she couldn't. We talked she said she just never had the courage to tell me that she want out and she doesn't feel the same as " i was giving her so much love and care and i was trying so hard to make things right." One thing i didn't know until she confessed was she used to flirt with guys since past one year and met this guy 3 months back who she is with right now and she sleeps with him, That's when it became unbearable and i slapped her(Sorry i never imagined myself doing that but it just happened). She confessed to me about everything she was up to since past one year, i told her i don't want to see her face again. The thing is she NEVER said sorry or apologized for anything she did and didn't ask me to take her back or anything.She started dating the same guy she cheated on me with from the next day. But here i am after 4 months thinking i still love her and miss her sometimes and want to be back together again even though i know she never apologized and has just text me once on my birthday to which i just said thank you. I don't know whats wrong me with even after what she did to me and hurt me so much i still feel like i love her. I just want to stop missing her and forget about what happened but i just couldn't forge the fact that i gave her everything and even after trying everything she did that to me and for a whole year and always blamed me for it. I cant move on and i just cant forget that i got cheated on after loving someone so much.It hurts like hell and my self esteem has touched a new low.She was my first love and getting **** in return is just unbearable.
Zahara Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I cant move on and i just cant forget that i got cheated on after loving someone so much.It hurts like hell and my self esteem has touched a new low.She was my first love and getting **** in return is just unbearable. Betrayal is a difficult hurdle to overcome. I understand how you feel because I have been cheated on as well, and not only do you have to deal with the pain of an ending, but you have to deal with the trauma of betrayal. Four months is still a very fresh journey into your healing. It's going to take time and what you do with that time to get through this. It doesn't help that she placed the blame on you to justify her cheating and it was an awful thing to do to someone. Granted you still love her, and it is understandable but it doesn't justify reaching out to someone that is clearly unhealthy and toxic for you. Unfortunately, we have all been there where we've given someone our very best only for them to stomp all over it and walk away. But just as many of us have felt the pain and hurt or rejection and betrayal, we've all moved on and come out stronger from it. You will too, but you have to give yourself time to heal, be gentle on yourself and even when in pain, you must trust that in the long term this is the best decision for yourself. You deserve better. Believe in that. 1
Author Vanjul Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 I agree with you. I am into NO CONTACT now and it helps.I try and then suddenly i remember something and the whole memories come crashing down on me. And then i start feeling the same as if i broke up yesterday. It really is affecting my life now. I go into deep thinking mode and try to justify somehow why i am facing all this but in the end i find nothing which makes me more miserable.
Zahara Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I agree with you. I am into NO CONTACT now and it helps.I try and then suddenly i remember something and the whole memories come crashing down on me. And then i start feeling the same as if i broke up yesterday. It really is affecting my life now. I go into deep thinking mode and try to justify somehow why i am facing all this but in the end i find nothing which makes me more miserable. And it's normal for you to rehash memories in your brain but you cannot dwell. Dwelling is where you enable yourself to crash. Deep thinking mode = dwelling. The next time a thought about her, the cheating, etc. pops up in your brain, you have to thought stop and try to divert yourself into thinking about other things. It's fine to think about what was, what happened, how it hurts, etc. but you cannot stay there. When you stay there, you dig yourself a hole. Train your brain to follow a different path. The moment you feel yourself staying too long on a negative thought, start to focus on the positive and that you are now on a new journey and no more thinking about her and what was -- distract yourself with what's ahead of you.
Author Vanjul Posted December 5, 2014 Author Posted December 5, 2014 I will try to now. After reading this i have been avoiding thoughts by simply not stop thinking about them and focus on anything. I really want to come out of this. I hope i do. Thanks Zahara.
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