Kelly9514 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years gone November. When we first started going out he had a casual job at a call centre, where you had to ring up for shifts. He decided he wasn't going to go back and instead of quitting like everyone said, he decided to leave it three months until they decided to sack him due to him not bothering about getting shifts. Since then he will not get a job which is a real issue for me as to get through university myself I have had to get a part time job. He seemed to have this idea that we would get a flat together in our second years. I told him straight that I would not be moving in with him unless he got a job as I am not prepared to be paying for everything because I'm the one who works. Well now we are both half way through our second years and there is still no sign of any job. He is just too lazy to look! We have both sat down together and found vacancies but he just doesn't bother to apply. It's hard because he's a lovely guy and he's got no male role model when it comes to the work department as his father has never worked a day in his life just lives off his wives wages. I love him to bits and I know he loves me but I don't know how to get it through to him that we have no future together unless he gets off his backside and gets a job.
PegNosePete Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I love him to bits and I know he loves me but I don't know how to get it through to him that we have no future together unless he gets off his backside and gets a job. Well why not simply tell him, "I love you to bits and I know you love me but I don't know how to get it through to you that we have no future together unless you get off your backside and get a job. :(" 3
venusishername Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years gone November. When we first started going out he had a casual job at a call centre, where you had to ring up for shifts. He decided he wasn't going to go back and instead of quitting like everyone said, he decided to leave it three months until they decided to sack him due to him not bothering about getting shifts. Since then he will not get a job which is a real issue for me as to get through university myself I have had to get a part time job. He seemed to have this idea that we would get a flat together in our second years. I told him straight that I would not be moving in with him unless he got a job as I am not prepared to be paying for everything because I'm the one who works. Well now we are both half way through our second years and there is still no sign of any job. He is just too lazy to look! We have both sat down together and found vacancies but he just doesn't bother to apply. It's hard because he's a lovely guy and he's got no male role model when it comes to the work department as his father has never worked a day in his life just lives off his wives wages. I love him to bits and I know he loves me but I don't know how to get it through to him that we have no future together unless he gets off his backside and gets a job. You can't make excuses for him (like he had no male role model to teach him the importance of work). Some people JUST DON'T CARE. This is my biggest pet peeve and a deal breaker for me. You already know you have no future together if he doesn't stop being lazy. Think about it: in a few years, I assume the thought of marriage and children MAY be in the back of your mind. What's he going to do when you get pregnant, or want to? Don't you want to be with a man who wants to provide for you, if that's what you choose? TRUST ME, there are SOOOO many men out there who are innately programmed to be that way and will do that. If he's too lazy to get a job, he's going to be lazy in other areas too. I dumped my ex because he became a lazy drunk. When I met him, he had a great job and then over the years his true colors came out: lazy, arrogant, and entitled. After 4 years, and while I was at school finishing my degrees, I saw there were lots of other men out there who were motivated like me. I kicked my ex to the curb. I do not tolerate laziness from anyone, particularly my partner. My best advice to you is to end this relationship and find someone on your level. How about at your school? He's not going to change if you allow yourself to be associated with something less than what you deserve. 2
Million.to.1 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 He is lazy. I agree with other posters that this is a major red flag. Tell him he has 1 month to find a job or you are leaving and then do it. Life is hard enough with BOTH partners working hard. You'll never get ahead while he is having an extended holiday because it suits him. People with no work ethic or a desire to make their place in the world are reliant on others. If you can't support him, don't. 4
smackie9 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 3 years and this is all he has accomplished? Sorry hun but you got a dud there and you can't fix him. If you want someone strong, motivated and responsible you need to find yourself another BF....a man this time not a boy. 1
venusishername Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 If you want someone strong, motivated and responsible you need to find yourself another BF....a man this time not a boy. Smackie is right: that is the difference. We all have to learn the hard way sometimes. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Give him a deadline. It worked for me in a similar situation. Tell him I love you to bits but I can't stand your continued unemployment. You have until ____ to get a job or I'm outta here. I think I gave my guy a month but you probably should factor in the holidays. 1
kaylan Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 2nd year of school? How old are you both? If you are both under 21, then its actually pretty common from students living at home to not have part time jobs while in university. Some kids have jobs, some dont. Sometimes their course load doesnt allow for it. Sometimes people just wanna have the time for school and play. I didnt work every single semester I was in college, but I worked most of them. So depending on his age, I would cut him slack. However I will say his father is a huge red flag with regard to setting a bad impression. 1
Omei Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 If this guy has no motivation to work for himself, having you give him a deadline will likely just be a quick fix cuz if he cant work for himself why would he work for you? He might out of fear for a little while dont be shocked when he drops the ball tho and you're back in the same spot with renewed patience he will take advantage of.
lucy_in_disguise Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Is he a full-time student? How does he make ends meet... do his parents support him or does he have scholarships/ loans? His father's work history could be a sign of issues to come, but depending on his courseload and financial situation, I don't necessarily think it's a red flag that he's not employed while still in school. It may serve him better to focus on his education, if he can afford to. However I would avoid moving in together until you are both financially independent. 1
kaylan Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Is he a full-time student? How does he make ends meet... do his parents support him or does he have scholarships/ loans? His father's work history could be a sign of issues to come, but depending on his courseload and financial situation, I don't necessarily think it's a red flag that he's not employed while still in school. It may serve him better to focus on his education, if he can afford to. However I would avoid moving in together until you are both financially independent. This. I was amazed how many people missed that they are in their second year of university. That means they are like 18 to 20 years old...and most likely 19. Most people Ive met that age, be they Americans, Asians, or Europeans...didnt work much (if at all) while in their first 2 years of school. If you are still indeed teenagers, I see nothing wrong with a guy taking a break away from work in order to focus on schooling. 2
Million.to.1 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I missed that they may be very young and studying full time, which does change things... With his weird exit from his last job, I just assumed he was older for some reason. There are still some issues though...
PogoStick Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Women lived off of men for Centuries. Can't we get a little break now? 3
FitChick Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 What sort of a degree will he get when he graduates? Anything useful? 1
Gold Pile Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Slacking is ingrained in his character, the father is a bum and so is the son. He won't change, DUMP HIM. Do you want him to give you a bum son? He will try to get you pregnant as a means to tie you to him. He will also get a job to trick you but he will quickly get fired or quit. Dump Him now 1
smackie9 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Women lived off of men for Centuries. Can't we get a little break now? Only when women get higher wages than men.
Emilia Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Slacking is ingrained in his character, the father is a bum and so is the son. He won't change, DUMP HIM. Do you want him to give you a bum son? He will try to get you pregnant as a means to tie you to him. He will also get a job to trick you but he will quickly get fired or quit. Dump Him now Agreed. 3 years are enough to get to know a person inside out, this is who he is OP. You should dump him if you have ambitions yourself. 1
Toodaloo Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Women lived off of men for Centuries. Can't we get a little break now? One word. No
Redhead14 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years gone November. When we first started going out he had a casual job at a call centre, where you had to ring up for shifts. He decided he wasn't going to go back and instead of quitting like everyone said, he decided to leave it three months until they decided to sack him due to him not bothering about getting shifts. Since then he will not get a job which is a real issue for me as to get through university myself I have had to get a part time job. He seemed to have this idea that we would get a flat together in our second years. I told him straight that I would not be moving in with him unless he got a job as I am not prepared to be paying for everything because I'm the one who works. Well now we are both half way through our second years and there is still no sign of any job. He is just too lazy to look! We have both sat down together and found vacancies but he just doesn't bother to apply. It's hard because he's a lovely guy and he's got no male role model when it comes to the work department as his father has never worked a day in his life just lives off his wives wages. I love him to bits and I know he loves me but I don't know how to get it through to him that we have no future together unless he gets off his backside and gets a job. He needs to have this all put into perspective in a big way. You must set a deadline and there must be interim goals with deadlines as well that need to be set and met along the way. In other words, he needs to apply to jobs, he needs to sign up with a temporary agency, like Manpower or Kelly (these jobs often lead to full time positions). If he doesn't meet the interim goals, there needs to be repercussions for not doing those things. I.E. if you are paying for anything for him, you stop that, even if its feeding him. If he doesn't meet the end goal at all, you leave him PERIOD.
Lokin4AReason Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 sounds like that you are trying to make it work and pushing him ( to realize ) its time to get off your bum .... if he cares for you and the relationship, he would have a job YESTERDAY ( IMO ). because if i had a supporting individual beside me, i would put in 110 % in locating a job ... sit down w/ him again .... and if you dont see any change, well i dislike to say, he is out to use and abuse you ( emotionally, as in guilt trip and financial, at where you pay for everything ) in my opinion i am a person that looks for solution(s) and not excuses. if WE came up w/ excuses in this world, where would WE be in this day in age, no where ... or show him the door ( no matter at how much its going to hurt now but it ll be better later on ) im sorry if i am a bit harsh, but i tell it at how it is. i do not sugar coat things to aviod hurting someone, because the truth will come out sooner or later =0/
smackie9 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Women lived off of men for Centuries. Can't we get a little break now? Women took care of men for centuries, doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, bathing and feeding and picking up after the children.....when do we get a break??
umirano Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Slacking is ingrained in his character, the father is a bum and so is the son. He won't change, DUMP HIM. Do you want him to give you a bum son? He will try to get you pregnant as a means to tie you to him. He will also get a job to trick you but he will quickly get fired or quit. Dump Him now I agree with that. OP, you said he has no male role model? Actually he does. It's just that it taught him to live as a parasite.
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