littleblackheart Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 My friend has just registered on Tinder. She's also a colleague, and has discovered that half of our male colleagues (the majority of them not single) have got an account on there. One of our mutual friends is married to a colleague who has an account: my friend has a good mind to tell her straight up but I'm trying to advertise caution for the sake of all involved, mainly because it's none of her business. I'm not versed in OLD at all, and don't really get the use of Tinder so I can't really help her on this front anyway but thought the good people at LS could come to the rescue: would there be any reason for someone to have an account (professional networking, for instance) other than finding a date? It just seems very unlikely to me that this amount of attached guys would have that kind of thing?
sillyanswer Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 would there be any reason for someone to have an account (professional networking, for instance) other than finding a date? It just seems very unlikely to me that this amount of attached guys would have that kind of thing? I do see a few accounts that are very clearly (in the text, and sometimes also the pictures) advertising something. One I saw recently was advertising an independent musician. Others I've seen advertising photography services, with links to their portfolios. There was no doubt that the "person" (or, well, "advert") was there for promoting a thing rather than dating. In the cases you describe it doesn't sound like that, though.
Author littleblackheart Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 I do see a few accounts that are very clearly (in the text, and sometimes also the pictures) advertising something. One I saw recently was advertising an independent musician. Others I've seen advertising photography services, with links to their portfolios. There was no doubt that the "person" (or, well, "advert") was there for promoting a thing rather than dating. In the cases you describe it doesn't sound like that, though. Right... I can't access Tinder myself without opening an account, which is out of the question, otherwise I would have checked and no-one in my close social circle uses OLD; if they are, they're not saying anyway. Doesn't sound good, though...
mammasita Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 There's HUNDREDS of other ways to advertise. I don't see why people who have SOs need to access dating sites to do so. It makes NO sense to me. Personally, I would find some sort of anonymous way to let this woman know her husband is on there. Yeah I know, seems a bit childish but UGH, I have low tolerance for snakes.
salparadise Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Tinder isn't online dating- it's for finding hookups. There's little or no info; you just say yes or no based on the pic and if it's mutual you can message. There is no good reason a married or attached person would be on there other than intent to hookup or pure amusement. There's no way to know if any of these men actually intend to cheat other than to offer them an opportunity and see if they bite. Personally, I think your friend should stay out of other people's business. It's not likely that the friend's friend is going to be appreciative regardless of outcomes. Nobody can presume to know what's going on with the couple––looking for a threesome, open relationship, don't ask-don't tell. Even if the guy is a scumbag, it's not a given that the woman wants to know, or would be better off knowing. Therefore, minding one's own business best, imho. I know the moralists will be on this like white on rice, but it's a can of worms that probably shouldn't be opened.
sillyanswer Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Tinder isn't online dating- it's for finding hookups. Only if that's how you use it. I see lots of profiles explicitly stating that they are not looking for a hookup or that they are looking for a relationship etc.
Author littleblackheart Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) Tinder isn't online dating- it's for finding hookups. There's little or no info; you just say yes or no based on the pic and if it's mutual you can message. There is no good reason a married or attached person would be on there other than intent to hookup or pure amusement. There's no way to know if any of these men actually intend to cheat other than to offer them an opportunity and see if they bite. Ah okay, thanks for this - that's way out of my comfort zone... I just thought this kind of behaviour would be better served in real life, but what do I know. Personally, I think your friend should stay out of other people's business. It's not likely that the friend's friend is going to be appreciative regardless of outcomes. Nobody can presume to know what's going on with the couple––looking for a threesome, open relationship, don't ask-don't tell. Even if the guy is a scumbag, it's not a given that the woman wants to know, or would be better off knowing. Therefore, minding one's own business best, imho. I know the moralists will be on this like white on rice, but it's a can of worms that probably shouldn't be opened. Agreed. I found out my ex was unfaithful without anyone's help, and to be honest I would have hated being told by a third party. Edited December 1, 2014 by littleblackheart
Author littleblackheart Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 Only if that's how you use it. I see lots of profiles explicitly stating that they are not looking for a hookup or that they are looking for a relationship etc. Could it be a decoy? I'm only playing devil's advocate... I don't know, I just find it very odd that so many attached people would have an account on there.
sillyanswer Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Could it be a decoy? I'm only playing devil's advocate... I don't know, No idea. I've met people from Tinder who didn't want to hookup but did want relationships, but it's a small sample size. I just find it very odd that so many attached people would have an account on there. Me too. Unless it's clearly, for example, an artist advertising his music then I can't think why an attached person would have an account there. Even Tinder themselves aren't averse to the idea of people using it for assorted 'networking' reasons... see: Tinder reveals paid-for 'Undo' feature on its dating app - BBC Newsbeat (towards the end of the article, subheading "Tinder hacks").
Author littleblackheart Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 Unless it's clearly, for example, an artist advertising his music then I can't think why an attached person would have an account there. Even Tinder themselves aren't averse to the idea of people using it for assorted 'networking' reasons... see: Tinder reveals paid-for 'Undo' feature on its dating app - BBC Newsbeat (towards the end of the article, subheading "Tinder hacks"). Thank you. I've just had a look at the article - aside from the alien vocabulary (swiping left ????) it does look like you can use that thing for other stuff. I'm not sure it applies in this case but you never know...
Ebelskiver Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I would stay out of it. Lots of couples these days practice some form of non-monogomy that is agreed upon by both parties. And it really is none of your, or anyone else's business. That changes if you are a close friend of the assumed wronged party, then I would tell, or arrange for her to find out on her own.
Author littleblackheart Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 I would stay out of it. Lots of couples these days practice some form of non-monogomy that is agreed upon by both parties. And it really is none of your, or anyone else's business. That changes if you are a close friend of the assumed wronged party, then I would tell, or arrange for her to find out on her own. I agree, too many grey areas and it's really not my battle to fight (or hers, for that matter). Still, she'll decide what she wants to do and seems she's already made her mind up... I was just trying to find another explanation as to why half of the teaching campus was on there.
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