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Potential Affair but not sure

Stoutage

By Stoutage
in Infidelity

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oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted

This affair has been so long term and so developed, I kind of wonder how incriminating anything on the phone will be. After a couple years much of the txting will be what carpeting will look good in the new office and what chairs to get for the living room. By this time they probably txt like any other married couple.

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spanz1 Established Member

spanz1

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Posted

so a voice activated recorder costs all of $65. did you buy one and leave it where she skypes and leave the house for a couple of hours? What did you hear. If you can get her talking to him...that will almost certainly tell you if she is doing the nasty, or just talking shop to the guy! You need to know, and stop guessing, about it.

jm2013 Established Member

jm2013

Posted
Posted

I think OP has left the building. I know his feeling right now. His chest is probably extremely tight and his head is so fogged up he is probably beginning the denial phase of this all. He is probably listening to the words of his "faithful" spouse re-assuring him she's kept her fidelity and her true love is with him and nobody else. We have drawn out a picture that is on the wall for OP to take a step back and see without his alleged wayward wife distorting. Perhaps he can come here and re-read the information in this thread for a couple weeks to let it sink in. The unbelievable should now be believable and it is time to collect yourself and get to the bottom of this. I think Oldshirt is right. This has probably been going on for years behind your back. If you were to analyze her texts it would probably be general things - "Hey, honey I'll be there soon. Please remember to pickup the groceries before I get there. Love ya!" and stuff along those lines. Sorry OP.

 

I think you need to figure out how far down that rabbit hole you want to go and if it is worth it to you. At some point your AWW will probably be apologizing and begging you for forgiveness after you uncover what she has done. Then it will be up to you if you think you can forgive your AWW or let her go.

jackslife Established Member

jackslife

Posted
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^^^^^^

 

I think some people hope that they'll get a "nothing to worry about" response, because that's what they want to believe. Thing is with so many people who have experience and knowledge of affairs on here, those wishful thinking thoughts are quickly blown out of the water.

 

Ultimately, this man loves his wife and doesn't want her cheating on him. Sadly, she is not only cheating on him, she has a whole second life and partner. That must come as a huge shock.

 

The advice on here focuses on how to discover the truth. But for the BS that's only the beginning. Some WS's on discovery confess all and beg forgiveness, allowing the BS to decide if they want to R or stay married. However, sometimes the discovery causes the WS to leave and we have all read threads on here where this has happened.

 

In this instance the OP, not only has to investigate a WW he wants to believe but more importantly decide what he wants to do next. Does he kick her out, seek R... or will his WW decide that she is happy to stay with her chap and move on.

 

Buying VAR's and checking texts are the tip of the iceberg, the really tough times come after.

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NateGrey Established Member

NateGrey

Posted
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I would guess the phone is now squeaky clean, so what does he do then?

 

But will it be squeaky clean forever? Just wait until she is mid conversation on her phone with the guy and ask, then. Don't give her any time to erase.

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Stoutage New Member

Stoutage

Posted
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Alright... So WOW! You guys are awesome. Lots of good advice here. I am doing my best to play the dumb route. Acting like everything is okay and then investigating on the sly. I priced out VARs and that is going to be my next move I think. From the PI perspective I may try this route as well. I have a website with a PI groups number in the state. Will call them tomorrow when I am out running some errands. Man, this whole thing blows. I wish I didn't have to worry about this crap. Any tips on some good VAR's? Again I appreciate all of the advice. If an affair is really what is going on... I am going to divorce her. We don't have any kids which is good. So if she is lying... To the curb!

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Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

Posted
Posted
Alright... So WOW! You guys are awesome. Lots of good advice here. I am doing my best to play the dumb route. Acting like everything is okay and then investigating on the sly. I priced out VARs and that is going to be my next move I think. From the PI perspective I may try this route as well. I have a website with a PI groups number in the state. Will call them tomorrow when I am out running some errands. Man, this whole thing blows. I wish I didn't have to worry about this crap. Any tips on some good VAR's? Again I appreciate all of the advice. If an affair is really what is going on... I am going to divorce her. We don't have any kids which is good. So if she is lying... To the curb!

 

You don't need to go broadcast quality, just something that works. I would second the velcro rec, so it can be placed without notice.

HereNorThere Established Member

HereNorThere

Posted
Posted
Alright... So WOW! You guys are awesome. Lots of good advice here. I am doing my best to play the dumb route. Acting like everything is okay and then investigating on the sly. I priced out VARs and that is going to be my next move I think. From the PI perspective I may try this route as well. I have a website with a PI groups number in the state. Will call them tomorrow when I am out running some errands. Man, this whole thing blows. I wish I didn't have to worry about this crap. Any tips on some good VAR's? Again I appreciate all of the advice. If an affair is really what is going on... I am going to divorce her. We don't have any kids which is good. So if she is lying... To the curb!

 

Working in the internets business, I suggest using the things around you. iPads, iPhones, androids, etc are all trackable or useable as spy devices. If you really want know where she went, drop your phone on silent in her car and watch/track it from the computer. Find a nice VAR app for one of your devices and leave it around. The possibilities are limitless if you put your mind too it, just ask the NSA.

 

Just make sure you test things out beforehand. Make sure it's on silent, no notifications, etc.

 

Umm and make sure it's legal to do such a thing in your neck of the woods or whatever

Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

Posted
Posted
Umm and make sure it's legal to do such a thing in your neck of the woods or whatever

 

If it is in HIS house or in his car, that is of no concern. Tapping the phone, yes, but not in this case. He won't be taking this evidence to trial.

JS84 Established Member

JS84

Posted
Posted
Alright... So WOW! You guys are awesome. Lots of good advice here. I am doing my best to play the dumb route. Acting like everything is okay and then investigating on the sly. I priced out VARs and that is going to be my next move I think. From the PI perspective I may try this route as well. I have a website with a PI groups number in the state. Will call them tomorrow when I am out running some errands. Man, this whole thing blows. I wish I didn't have to worry about this crap. Any tips on some good VAR's? Again I appreciate all of the advice. If an affair is really what is going on... I am going to divorce her. We don't have any kids which is good. So if she is lying... To the curb!

 

With the VARs make sure they are WELL HIDDEN and do not break free of whatever holding device (duct tape, straps, etc) you are using to keep them in place. I've seen a couple of guys completely blow it when their VARs are discovered because they weren't careful enough with the placement.

drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

Posted
Posted

You can't depend on the VAR alone. If she discovers it before saying anything incriminating all will seem well and you will never know the truth. Start with the VAR and if it busts her then so be it. But if the VAR doesn't yield anything you still need to follow up with a PI a few weeks later.

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Stoutage New Member

Stoutage

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That is my plan. If I can sneak the phone I will too. Damn code changes all the time.

jm2013 Established Member

jm2013

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Posted
That is my plan. If I can sneak the phone I will too. Damn code changes all the time.

 

Why don't you just grab her phone one night when she's sleeping and comb through it? You said this is going to end in divorce when you discover her affair so why blow through all the cash on a PI when the info you need is probably right in front of your face? If she's cycling codes that fast on the phone there is still incriminating things on it. Try and get the new code.

Buckeye2 Established Member

Buckeye2

Posted
Posted

 

She went back to one of the states she grew up in.

 

She started to team up with a friend of hers from back in the day who is a guy.

 

She started crashing at his place.

 

She seemingly started to get really involved in his personal life.

 

He has an ex. (He’s single)

 

This has been going on for at least a couple of years.

 

This guy is her business partner.

 

The two of them working together doing something she loves. Being creative and becoming better at her art with his help.

 

It’s almost and bad as a wife living with her personal trainer for days at a time hundreds of miles from her husband. I can’t think of a better setup for an affair.

 

If a woman was capable of having an affair this would do it. She basically has two husbands and two lives.

Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

Posted
Posted

OR you could just put your foot down and tell her you are no longer comfortable with the situation.

spanz1 Established Member

spanz1

Posted
Posted

take some windex, and wipe the face of the phone clean. Then feed her some buttery pop corn while watching tv. After she sleeps, you can hold the phone up to the light and see which numbers she was typing to gain access. You just have to figure out the sequence then.

 

 

Once you are in, I would install some spy software to dump the messages/pictures/emails to your own email account.

inpeices Member

inpeices

Posted
Posted (edited)

Lots of good advice, but let's rein in a little...

 

The phone may or may not be any good.. So you hack the phone when she is sleeping and read for example " see you at 12 x" then "great seeing you" then " night night gorgeous" then " morning sexy"

 

What you going to do about that other than be seriously pissed off and angry and then.. Confrontational..

 

Nope..this needs an approach, as recommended by certain posters who have seen this stuff go down over and over again..

 

Get your situation nailed to the wall, irrefutable, undeniable evidence lined up.. Do your serious angry fuming raging devastated stuff well away from her knowledge.. Then you get your finances and other stuff sorted.. And then...

 

You hit her with the lot..

 

I did!

I got "don't know what your talking about"

I said " x please don't sit there and treat me like an idiot, tell me what is going on"

Twinkle eyes goes " nothing"

I said "don't make me present to you what I know"

She says "like what?" Que red faced, black eyed, defensive animal..

 

Like this.. (Presents 46 pages of phone call and text data)

 

Coughs the lot, OW ringing her phone off the wall, the rest is history..

 

Nail it before you confront.. Took me 7months all told after the phonecalls/texts data as she denied it was anything other than 'emotional'

I had invisible spy on our laptop well before the phonecalls stuff so I already KNEW.. Her denials were unbelievable..

It told me where they were going/which hotels, her bank account log-ins, facebook, hotmail, the money she had lent OW, etc etc.. I knew EVERYTHING, I had their emails aswell which made pretty harsh reading & not recommended, I didn't need to know my xWayward liked a thumb up her ass whilst having her breasts fondled...but as my granny used to say, listeners hear no good of themselves and that equates to 'snooping' may not bring you the news you want to hear or see.. So make sure you are emotionally equipped to deal with what you might find.. I wasn't.. It still hurts 3yrs out..

 

 

Was ok legally to do the spyware thing though because it was our laptop in our home and I could do what I liked..the law differs so be careful..

 

Good luck!

Edited by inpeices
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