Augustus64 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 My cousin is 24, and extremely overweight. Not that i have anything against people that are over weight but in his case its reached a point thats simply not healthy. Our family has a history of strokes, diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol and he's showing no sense of urgency or concern for his well being. He doesn't work, isn't really hustling to look for employment either; he spends his days playing video games like they are his JOB. So much so that he stays up until 9 AM and wakes up at 4 pm- Rinse, Repeat. He doesn't seem depressed he's always been calm. He talks about getting laid, but i have never seen him with a woman or even on the phone talking to one, texting one, nada. His mom is an amazing patient woman. She is disabled and can't work so she gets help from the state. When i came by last month to visit them he is very curt and down right mean in his tone when talking to his mom, yet she's still kind, patient. God bless that woman. I try talking to him and he has a rational response for why he stays up late (insomnia) although I mentioned he should get help for that from a DR and he scoffs as if its not needed. The whole family is worried. Im close to taking an axe to his playstation.He's 2 years away from graduating with a bachelors degree in comm and he's doing well in school so he says anyway. Any advice on how to talk to him? get him motivated? its hard on his mom, like real hard. She's deep in her walk with God and thats where she gets her strength from- I want to help them both. 1
Dontfindme Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 First and foremost, how nice of you to consider them. You sound like a great relative. I'd suggest some tough love. Clearly being nice - as his mom has been - hasn't done him any good, and doesn't get him motivated. A stern, serious, and honest talk with him may be the way to go. Maybe you can even hijack the PS2 for a month or 2 until he gets his act together - if you are close to him, where doing so, ultimately, wouldn't cause problems between you two. Perhaps, you two can also participate in activities together - you could come along to help him write his resume, or go to the gym together, etc. 1
Ebelskiver Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 You get one opportunity to make a difference, tell him how he needs to grow up, lose weight, respect his mom. But after that, it's between him and his mother. You have to let people live their lives, even if it's killing them. That said, do make the effort, and make it a good one. Maybe it will shock him out of his apathy.
CC12 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Any advice on how to talk to him? get him motivated? Well, you already tried talking to him and he justified some of his behavior and he didn't think he needed help. You can't really help someone who doesn't want to change. You're very limited in what you can do. I think the only thing you can do is be there for his mother and help her with anything that she needs, and maybe you can frequently invite your cousin to go with you to play sports, or to go hiking, or for a walk. Anything that gets him out of the house, really. I want to caution you against getting too heavily invested in his well-being. It's very cool that you want to help, but you're not really in a position to take an axe to his Playstation or to demand changes from him. Be careful with giving him unsolicited advice, because that can sometimes drive people away quickly. Basically, just accept him how he is. But you can be a good influence and subtly encourage him to live a healthy, active lifestyle.
todreaminblue Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I have the same problem with my son.....stays up all night .....x box till he drops.....wakes up again and repeats...wont even shower without me asking him too...he has a mental impairment though......my ex used to have him on time limits.........it worked well...the x box would go away ....and my ex didnt have to worry about back lashes from him enforcing a time limit.......i however do....chucked a knife at me once ....god is with me though....and it just missed me ricocheted back and hit him........i have tried everything and i give up th efight....its draining......he goes into rages and its not easy to handle....he can be a really sweet young man......i dont even want to talk about it depresses me.....i got him into respite care where they take him out once a week.........i have been praying about this for a very long time....it is, as of, today an unanswered prayer......i have to deal with this myself....i would like to get him into a sheltered workshop so he could socialize and be a little productive.....that would be my goal for next year..i do know he did listen to my ex with a curfew and time limit and it worked well for a long time....maybe you could suggest that..though god always is a great comfort...i understand her prayers....its when nothing else can work or does work....what else is there to do .....but pray for an answer or a guide ....or a little hope to make it through the week.......deb...
Dontfindme Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I have the same problem with my son.....stays up all night .....x box till he drops.....wakes up again and repeats...wont even shower without me asking him too...he has a mental impairment though......my ex used to have him on time limits.........it worked well...the x box would go away ....and my ex didnt have to worry about back lashes from him enforcing a time limit.......i however do....chucked a knife at me once ....god is with me though....and it just missed me ricocheted back and hit him........i have tried everything and i give up th efight....its draining......he goes into rages and its not easy to handle....he can be a really sweet young man......i dont even want to talk about it depresses me.....i got him into respite care where they take him out once a week.........i have been praying about this for a very long time....it is, as of, today an unanswered prayer......i have to deal with this myself....i would like to get him into a sheltered workshop so he could socialize and be a little productive.....that would be my goal for next year..i do know he did listen to my ex with a curfew and time limit and it worked well for a long time....maybe you could suggest that..though god always is a great comfort...i understand her prayers....its when nothing else can work or does work....what else is there to do .....but pray for an answer or a guide ....or a little hope to make it through the week.......deb... I'm so sorry to hear about this Deb. I wish I had wise words to say, to help you and the OP, but I will just be sending good vibes your way so that this stressful situation can be corrected. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I'm so sorry to hear about this Deb. I wish I had wise words to say, to help you and the OP, but I will just be sending good vibes your way so that this stressful situation can be corrected. thanks i appreciate your good vibes......it is hard and i think the op is a really thoughtful and caring person for wanting to help.....not that anything might come of it...but it is often good for the mum of this boy to know she has support with the thoughtful op in trying something new that just might work...i wish them well...and my prayers also....thanks dontfind me..you are a thoughtful soul too..hugs....deb 1
Davey L Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I would hesitate to get involved unless his mother initiates a conversation about it with you. If it were my daughter I would have simply stopped providing and making life easy for him. Cut off the supply of money, computer gamesetc and he'll be forced to get off his oversized posterior and do something. Fortunately our daughter has never been like that - but maybe that's because we never pandered to her as a kid.
Author Augustus64 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Todreaminblue Im really sorry to hear about what you're going through- I hope for both of these young men that the light bulb goes off and they can help themselves. To everyone here thank you I appreciate the advice. I had a chat w him last night and a heart to heart with his mom today- She told me she wishes she could sit and have a chat with her son like she had with me, i felt her pain when she said that. Im happy to support her and I wont give up no him. 2
todreaminblue Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I would hesitate to get involved unless his mother initiates a conversation about it with you. If it were my daughter I would have simply stopped providing and making life easy for him. Cut off the supply of money, computer gamesetc and he'll be forced to get off his oversized posterior and do something. Fortunately our daughter has never been like that - but maybe that's because we never pandered to her as a kid. that's a pretty judgmental statement for you to make.....on someone you dont know......to basically say she pandered to him....how do you know that ......and how does that comment in anyway directly help a situation that is now...other than to make yourself feel superior........deb
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