How do I ask/find out about a woman's sex drive?

[stillmind]

I don't think there's any sure way of finding out but time, sadly. My husband and I had the sex frequency talk before we had sex and we both agreed that 3 times per week was optimal (that sounded like a lot to me, in a good way). Once we started having sex we realized we REALLY LIKE sex with each other, and our actual frequency is closer to 10-14 times per week! Neither one of us had that much interest in prior partners. No matter what sex drive someone claims to have, I think it's very much influenced by compatibility.

[isisisweeping]

I have an above average libido, and I’m wondering how to find out if a girl I’m interested in also likes regular/frequent sex (before we actually start). My last gf wanted it like monthly, but it took years to find out the truth. She said she’d always been that way – it wasn’t a problem with us. So is there any way to ask what a girl really wants in that department when you’ve just started dating? Any way to tell otherwise? I want to avoid dating someone for 6+ months just to find out that they don’t really like sex very often, but were trying to hook me into a long term relationship. I’ve had a couple gf’s even admit that they did just that in the past. I don’t dig casual sex much and get easily attached, so it’s a bit of a conundrum for me. I’ve learned that girls purposely cater to a guy’s desires in the beginning then slow down when the relationship gets serious. I’d rather avoid that whole situation and not even get serious with a girl if she doesn’t truly like regular sex.

Any ideas?

 

You can have a conversation but if they're purposefully trying to hook you and it's not "natural" decrease over time, they won't exactly be honest.

 

I wish there was a way. I prefer daily sex even years in and even though it was never an issue at the front, the guys I've been with have all fallen off and acted then like there was something wrong with me to have a drive that high.

F that noise.

 

I did have a conversation with the guy I'm seeing now before we ever had sex, and I knew he was not the type to lose respect or think that meant sex was imminent. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[GoodOnPaper]

But sometimes sexual incompatibility kills some women's libido, I mean if it's not a very good experience she can kind of shut down that way but possibly remain attached and want to stay with the guy - while with the right guy she could be a sex fiend!

 

So it's always the guy's fault if a woman isn't great in bed? I don't know about that. Assuming that she's planning to remain faithful, why would she want to stay with that guy?

 

I don’t dig casual sex much and get easily attached, so it’s a bit of a conundrum for me. I’ve learned that girls purposely cater to a guy’s desires in the beginning then slow down when the relationship gets serious. I’d rather avoid that whole situation and not even get serious with a girl if she doesn’t truly like regular sex.

Any ideas?

 

You'll have to take your cues from her style and the sense of openness you feel between you when having sex or being intimate in general. It's then when we can't completely cover up our insecurities and other issues. Even in my limited experience, I've seen differences in women's personas in and out of the bedroom. I had a GF in college who was really flirtatious with an incredibly magnetic personality but noticeably more reserved in bed. My wife has always been very overweight and on the outside, you'd think she has no hangups about it whatsoever, but in the bedroom she's never been able to completely let go of her inhibitions, even after 20+ years.

 

If you are worried about intentional manipulation, I would think that you could see hints of that quality in how she interacts with you and others in general.

[1980alence]

Thank you all for your great answers and perspectives. I do feel somewhat better prepared. I feel like I've learned that different women view sex and sex drive very differently just based on the responses here and on other forums and threads.

 

There seem to be three groups of women:

 

-women who admit to having a low sex drive in general

-women who say sex drive depends on the guy

-women who admit to having a high sex drive in general (but a crappy guy may still affect it for some)

 

I believe the third group exists (from personal experience and from women's direct accounts), despite how the second group denies it. I can see how the first and second group would be threatened by the third and motivated to tell poor guys posting on dating forums that all women are like them.

 

Ways to identify women in the third group based on various responses:

 

-ask them outright early on. If they're really in the third group, they'll be glad to talk about it. The other groups will be offended and it's just as well.

-find out if they enjoy looking at attractive guys and naked guys more than average

-start a relationship and see how often they initiate sex and how much they really enjoy it themselves. If they seem genuinely interested in initiating and enjoying sex, it's a good sign, if not a guarantee

-actually date someone for 2+ years and see what happens

 

 

Does anyone have any good suggestions to add to the list?

 

Thanks again everyone

[Lokin4AReason]

if you two have been involved for sometime ( as in time w/ one another ) stop walking around like its thin ice ...

 

be up forward and blunt about it ( some will be surprised to this or stop running around picking at it ) because you have to know .... being in limbo is uncool and you want to know an answer to the question

 

some are just more open than other(s) .... and its time to know

[1980alence]

Call me at 555-1212 LOL . . . it's a tricky thing, but make remarks jokingly, if she chimes in, you'll get a sense for it.

 

Hey, Redhead, I tried the number but couldn't get through. You're not in the DC metro area, by chance?

[stillmind]

None of the female posters here are feeling threatened by women with high sex drives and trying to trick you into believing they don't exist. We're trying to tell you that even a woman who has a high sex drive may not have a high sex drive with you. If a woman tells you she has a high sex drive, initiates sex, appreciates the male form, etc, those are all great signs, but absolutely not a guarantee that she will maintain her high sex drive with you. I personally find it half-unbelievable and lower than low that a woman would try and trick a man into believing she enjoys frequent sex so that he will marry her, but I've seen men here and on other boards say that they were tricked, so that's another thing to watch out for. The only thing that will tell is time.

[taryntan]

I tend to want to have sex for the first time later than 99% of men. But in all my relationships that were long term (meaning longer than 6 months), I had higher sex drives after the honeymoon period went away.

 

 

In my experience, men want sex all the time in the beginning especially if they haven't gotten much before but then it reduces. I have no idea why women get the bad reputation for this because 4 of my ex boyfriends did this. They all stated they had "higher than average sex drives" too. Usually what happened is they wanted sex less with me and watched porn more after they honeymoon period ended.

 

 

SO to echo what everyone else has said, there is NO guarantee.

 

 

Also, how good you are in bed will influence. When I was younger I was frigid with a few boyfriends, but didnt have the maturity to realize they just didn't do it for me. There have been a few more recent boyfriends that I wanted sex everyday with because they listened to my sexual needs more.

[FitChick]

I've met many men who talked a really great talk about how virile they were but very few came come close to living up to their sexual prowess. Can you imagine my surprise?

This becomes more common the older the men get. Those who can do, those who can't, talk about it.

 

It's been my experience that you can often tell ahead of time by their physical condition and health.

[1980alence]

Thanks again for all of your support and suggestions. I met someone that I've been dating for a couple months, and we're very compatible in many regards, including sex drive. I know that the honeymoon period isn't always a good indicator of the long term, but based on conversations we've had it seems like a very good chance that things will work out - she has expressed relief to me that I can keep up with her sexually (while I returned the sentiment, I'm a bit scared to put any specific expectation or pressure out there...). Exploring the subject and discussing it here has given me some great insight, though, that I believe will really help me remain realistic and positive through changes and challenges.

 

Randy

[smackie9]

You have to remember women need to be emotionally stimulated to be sexually stimulated. Stillmind is right, it all depends on the person she is with. If you can't keep a woman emotionally stimulated, romanced, be adventurous, make her feel sexy, etc, then her sex drive for YOU will turn off.

 

That's why it's just trial and error like the other poster said.....you and everyone else needs to find someone that fits all aspects of your life inside and outside the bedroom. You can't find an ideal mate just because they like to f uck a lot, there is way more to it to be compatible for the long haul.

[smackie9]

As a guy, I would not ask this question. This is something I would try and learn to read from a woman's behavior. Then again, I have never encountered a woman with a really low sex drive. I must not attract those types.

 

It's not the type but how they respond to you, and how you treat them.

[preraph]

IMO, there's only one way to find out.

[Mrin]

It is rather straightforward. The formula looks like:

 

 

SD = ((Or * Oi) + (Cp * Cs) + Cr) / ((1 - Sf) + Bf)

 

Or = orgasm rate

Oi = orgasm intensity

Cp = cunnilingus probability

Cs = cunnilingus skill

Cr = compliment rate (male)

Sf = shower frequency (male)

Bfi = belly fat index (male)