Smellycat Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) Hi, iv been broken up with my boyfriend for about a month now, we were together for about 2 years. We were a close couple and he shared lots with me that he never shared with anyone. When we were together in the last 3 or so months things were getting odd as we were never seeing each other due to him always saying he was ill (being sick, tummy pains and headaches) I understood at first but he kept cancelling on me for these reasons I felt at the time he was just making it up to avoid me, but he kept saying he loved me and he just wasn't well. He had been persistently going to the doctors but they said it was just the medication he was on. We ended up breaking up (his decision) I dew it was the best thing as we were starting to argue lots, never seeing him (I can't drive so I could go and see him, also he lived in a really really rough area that scared me to go to his place) a couple of weeks later after breaking up he was out with his mates but kept messaging me and he called me saying he loved me and wanted to make it work and that he was really missing me. We were on the phone for ages having a laugh. The next day he went cold towards me, he just didn't want to talk to me. I did not understand. Why would he say all these things and be cold after? So very recently he did manage to get an MRI scan and he got the results that he has a tumor in his liver, it's meant to be quite large. When he told me I got really upset and cried. He told me by text but didn't tell him I was upset I just tried to be optimistic for his sake as he was so scared. He told me he loved me and wants to see how the treatment goes before he starts thinking of us maybe getting back together. So I said why don't we just stay friends for now and see what happens. The other day though I asked him if he wanted to go to the cinema to try and take his mind of things without doing anything strenuous as he said he is trying to keep a distance from his friends so they don't get hurt. He said he didn't really want to tell me about it as he didn't want me worrying. So basically he doesn't get out much and I offered to take him to the cinema. Now he has went cold towards me and doesn't want to talk. He has now blocked me from his phone so I can't message him now. Why is he being like this and why is he pushing me away? Edited December 1, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
spiderowl Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 It does sound like he is pushing friends away because he knows he is really sick and doesn't want them to have to cope with it or be with him just because he's sick. If you really want to be in touch with him and support him, I think you will need to be persistent and make it clear that you won't be put off because he's ill. Be sure that you do want to be with him and support him though because you don't want to make false promises to him. I'm sorry he's sick and that you are hurting over this too. It's a very sad situation all round.
newmoon Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Why is he being like this and why is he pushing me away? because he is sick. it's not about you right now, so don't take anything he is doing as a personal insult or offense. just tell him you are there (as a friend) if he should need one and leave it at that. he can then make up his own mind as to whether he wants to see you, or anyone else, or do any activities. you've made an offer and he said no, so just let him be, and maybe check in again on him a week or so.
Author Smellycat Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 Yeah I'm making it about me and its selfish but I think I'm scared of loosing him altogether if he dies. I know he will fight this but I hate him going through it on his own. Well he has his mum but she's not very well either. Thanks for replying x
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 He doesn't want your pity & that is how he sees your overtures. If he wasn't sick you would not have offered. Send him a get well card. Pray for him if you believe in that. But you have to let him set the pace.
Noproblem Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 He is losing his life he can't think straight, because he thinks he is dying so he is doing a lot of things that is irrational and mysterious. It's not his fault he is so sick he is probably feeling it's unfair and he wants to keep his distance so he doesn't hurt anyone else I hope he gets better, I think he needs you not necessary as a lover, but as a friend. He can't fight such disease without friend's and loved ones support
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