CoolBurn Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 My bf recently introduced me to his circle of friends. Three days ago we were all joking around and I said something that went on and was shaped into me implying that my bf has a small penis. I didn't mean it like that at ALL, I was talking about something else entirely, but needless to say he was mortified and has been holding it against me ever since. He's mad that apparently this counts as backstabbing, that I said something that went on to be misinterpreted. How do I handle this?
preraph Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Yikes. You just can't let jokes be at your mate's expense in front of friends or family. You have to not just go along with it or just shut up if it's going there if you're not good at changing the course the river is taking. How would you feel if that had been about your boobs or your funny looking nose? What he means by backstabbing is you didn't stand united with him and promote him and you need to do that for each other as a couple on stupid little things like this. You can't sell them out to make an impression on his friends. Of course, may be his fault for having friends who would go there, but I wasn't there, so I don't know. Tell him after thinking it through and putting yourself in his place, you now understand but that you assumed he was used to this sort of crass banter since it was his friends who were doing it and you were only trying to fit in but that now you've thought about it, you realize how awful it was and say you'll never do it again.
Author CoolBurn Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 Yikes. You just can't let jokes be at your mate's expense in front of friends or family. You have to not just go along with it or just shut up if it's going there if you're not good at changing the course the river is taking. How would you feel if that had been about your boobs or your funny looking nose? What he means by backstabbing is you didn't stand united with him and promote him and you need to do that for each other as a couple on stupid little things like this. You can't sell them out to make an impression on his friends. Of course, may be his fault for having friends who would go there, but I wasn't there, so I don't know. Tell him after thinking it through and putting yourself in his place, you now understand but that you assumed he was used to this sort of crass banter since it was his friends who were doing it and you were only trying to fit in but that now you've thought about it, you realize how awful it was and say you'll never do it again. But I didn't do it intentionally. It wasn't what I was trying to say... I understand his anger and I did explain what I meant numerous times to him, but he's still hurt and I understand. I just feel bad because it didn't even cross my mind that people would interpret what I said in such a twisted way.
doeblin Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Unless what you have said was something absolutely terrible (which is unlikely, it's just a penis joke... and it was not even your penis joke, but one of his friends'), then he shouldn't make a big deal out of this. He is probably humorless and has some self-esteem issues. So try to be gentle with him, but he shouldn't make you feel like crap about this. If he keeps pestering you, make it clear that it was not how you meant it and he should move on. (Although I'm curious what exactly happened.)
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