What's Next?

[sprater]

Hello everyone,

 

I've asked multiple friends and family members opinions on this subject, and they've all sided with me.. and their defense is to "protect" me.. so I'm looking hopefully for an unbiased opinion on this matter and maybe just some friendly opinions.

 

This girl and I started seeing each other about a month ago, and things got serious pretty quickly. I've been in a 2 year ltr live-in relationship, and she has been in a 9 year ltr live-in relationship. My relationship isn't really what one would call a "relationship".. we're practically roommates who split the cost of everything. There's no romance, or intimacy there whatsoever.. thus why I got so excited by this new romance that sparked.

 

This girl then broke up with her significant other a couple weeks after her and I started getting serious, and kicked them out of the house. The next day her and I spent together, it was the most time we had ever gotten with one another. As her previous significant other was very abusive mentally and physically...

 

Well, after leaving to go to work that evening she broke down and had a stress-induced asthma attack and a panic attack. She went to the hospital and then was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. After this happening, her ex had moved back in because they "had nowhere else to go". They are apparently sleeping in separate rooms, until enough money is saved up for them to move out.

 

This was a really hard obstacle to get past, but now; she is still going over to her ex's house on Sunday's and spending "family day". Also, she claims it would make the live-in situation worse even though they aren't "together", she won't talk to me, or see me except for when her and I are at work (since we work together).. she said that would just simply make her situation at home worse and that this is only temporary.

 

Now you can see all the red flags of the situation.. I was wondering if I should seriously ride it out for a few months and see what comes of it.. you know, actually give someone the benefit of the doubt.. although just dealing with all of this tears my stomach to pieces and causes me emotional distress. Or, should I go ahead and take the loss before investing a couple more months of my time and just deal with the heartache rather than delay it?

 

Any opinions would help on this matter. My past relationships just really make me doubt this scenario. Although she just tells me I don't understand her situation when I show that I have doubt.

 

 

Thanks,

Scott

[preraph]

It's hard for women to leave abusive relationships. He's probably conning her into letting him back in. The thing is she needs some time on her own taking care of her own self after she leaves him and does not need to plunge back into a relationship before working on herself so she doesn't pick another abusive man.

 

For your purposes, you must not stop looking for other women. Stay busy. Do not try to maintain a relationship with her. They may still be together when they are 80. Tell her you really can't stay involved until she's out of this relationship at least 6 months and got herself straightened out. She probably used you to make her escape, but then he sucked her back in because he has power over her. She has to find her own strength to get out without someone else to run to. Give her the name of a local women's shelter or domestic violence hotline to find resources. Until she finds out what it is about her that is letting this man in, she will probably keep letting in similar type abusers. So leave her with some resources and get on with your life.

 

If she gets it together real soon to make a clean break and does come running to you, then insist she continue getting care for her bipolar and these victim issues before you agree to get reinvolved. Bipolar can be hard to deal with, but it comes in all levels. Read up on it. Find out what level she was diagnosed with if she resurfaces so you can see if they have any idea how severe it is and read about that level specifically. Good luck.