TiredConfusedHurtSad Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Just watched "Blue Valentine" and it was so cathartic!! I know it's recommended that folks in a breakup don't go watching stuff like this or listening to such songs (ABBA's "Knowing You/Knowing Me" was also very cathartic) but I have this kinda thing that just needs to be released, this grief and I can't release it...watching and listening has helped a little -- I actually managed to shed a few tears and that actually felt good.... Mostly, I can't seem to cry for some reason...which is kinda good but I feel like, like that title (of the novel) "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream"...so watching this movie was really helpful.... I mean, what touched me was how the protagonist, the guy was trying his best, a real gent, but you know what, things just happen, there's nothing you can do, and there's no right or wrong answers, and no one's at fault 'cause no one is trying to be miserable, right? And yet, crap just happens and you don't know why, exactly, and there's nothing to be done -- just ain't in the stars, even if it was once. Things change. Circumstances change. Holding onto the past is simply willing ourselves to be haunted by ghosts. Yet seven million years of human evolution has made us want to strengthen our bonds -- indeed, a bond by definition is something that binds -- so we're all in a big cosmic Catch-22 here.... Anyway, I dunno, just venting here, ranting, 'cause this too is a little cathartic...if anyone needs a good cry -- you're all pent-up like me and can't find no way to release it (I gotta get back to jogging, yeah) then try "Blue Valentine"...the story is just tragic romance and so true to life, true to how things turn out, like a Law of Physics kinda thing....
LostInLosingLove Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I'm not trying to promote the idea of being a wuss, but it's weird. After my breakup it's like I unlocked Pandora's box of emotions. Everything hits me so hard, including just the score of films. I find it's a gift even if it started as a curse. I can almost cry on cue like all the great actors! 1
Author TiredConfusedHurtSad Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) Yeah, I went through mood swings as a teenager and thought that maybe I had acting talent, too! I know what you mean...glad I waited until now to see "Blue Valentine"...it was always highly recommended but somehow I just "intuitively" avoided it and yesterday it was just the thing...I didn't really cry but did shed a few tears and they were precious for the bit of relief they provided. Wow, really, I don't think there's any other movie out there that looks at relationships in such a true way. "Annie Hall" is a close second but uses humor and that distances us from the reality being depicted...it's also cathartic and I wish I could feel sanguine like "Annie Hall" but right now "Blue Valentine" really says it all for me.... Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts: yes, gifts can turn into curses can turn into gifts.... Edited December 1, 2014 by TiredConfusedHurtSad Postscript.
LostInLosingLove Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 500 Days of Summer is another movie that is quite honest in its depiction of relationships. It isn't quite as serious as Blue Valentine but it's still good in it's own right and shot very well.
Author TiredConfusedHurtSad Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 What really got me about "Blue Valentine," though, was that it wasn't trying to entertain...something like "Annie Hall" is meant to entertain, first and foremost, and that's cool of course, but I never imagined something like "Blue Valentine" could even exist -- a "love story," for lack of a better word, that's not just brutally honest but statistically probable: most if not all love stories (that I've come across in 43 years, anyway) have what had seemed a necessarily artificial element in them, that of hope (after all,the word "art" comes from "artifice"). But not "Blue Valentine." I think it leaves viewers, most viewers anyway, with the realization, even if only at an unconscious level, that this is the story of all our lives and loves. Things just happen like an asteroid falling out of the sky wiping out the dinosaurs. That's actually helped me move on a little -- and every lil' bit counts, of course. The movie helped me feel (which is how we really learn, when we feel something in the depths of our beings) the truth of such statements.
Author TiredConfusedHurtSad Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 [Whoops -- didn't actually finish my train of thought there.] So many of these posts and threads are about why, why, why...and though we can intellectually understand why (and how and why not, etc.) what we are really after is "emotional" understanding, for lack of a better term, a kind of intuition. That's why numbers leave most of us cold -- we may do well enough with them at the checkout counter, but they just don't have that kind of in the gut familiarity actual experiences do, and words function almost that way oftentimes...like the shadow of the beloved instead of the beloved herself. Anyway, wow, "Blue Valentine"...cathartic. I'm a little better able to move on now.
Firestarter1069 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I read the plot of this movie online and I will say there is no way I could bring myself to watch this movie. While I'm not hurting as much as I was 2-3 weeks ago I'm finding it better to avoid a lot of things like this. My ex is a huge music buff and there were 3 songs that I just can't listen to anymore. These were the 3 songs she would always post to my facebook page, play on the jukebox at the bar we went to, and send the videos to my phone always saying something like, "I was thinking of you....again baby." Unfortunately these songs are very popular, especially at the bar, and each time they play I B-line it to the door. So again I doubt I could ever watch this movie.
me85 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) I love that movie. I hated what's her name because she completely broke his heart after all he did for her. I'm also biased because I love Ryan Gosling. I guess I'm just an alien or something because I'm the only person I know that can still watch sad movies about love and loss and listen to sad songs about love and loss but not be affected by it. I think it's because I love music and movies so much that nothing in my personal life or otherwise could ever deter me from them. Edited December 2, 2014 by me85 1
Author TiredConfusedHurtSad Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Aw, Firestarter, you shouldn't have...hopefully you'll forget the plot and stumble upon the movie again. It's really quite unique. Maybe things are still too raw for you right now (though that's precisely me point, anyway, that this movie's greatly cathartic for someone like me who can't manage to shed tears and yet feels horrible, all bottled up and so forth) but hopefully you'll be able to enjoy it one day. Anyway, to piggyback on what you noted, my first "wife" comes to mind still, after all these years (eleven or so years now since we met; around eight or nine-ish since we broke up), whenever I see babies and Hello Kitty. And now my "current ex" ("second 'wife'")...I'll always think of her when coming across animals, particularly llamas and dragonflies. Sigh.
Author TiredConfusedHurtSad Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 I love that movie. I hated what's her name because she completely broke his heart after all he did for her. I'm also biased because I love Ryan Gosling. I guess I'm just an alien or something because I'm the only person I know that can still watch sad movies about love and loss and listen to sad songs about love and loss but not be affected by it. I think it's because I love music and movies so much that nothing in my personal life or otherwise could ever deter me from them. me85, Now that's just the beauty of "Blue Valentine"...it's so open to interpretation! Yeah, as a guy, I certainly identified with the male protagonist...but to step into someone else's shoes here and imagine the female's POV: she fell out of love. Can you blame anyone for that? Yeah she made a promise -- her marriage vows -- but you know how it is when you're young...and pregnant...by someone else other than the charming guy who wants to marry you anyway...and yet he turns out to be a bit of a too-laid-back drunk while you're the one bringing home most of the bacon but still cleaning up doing housework after working in an environment that puts you into contact with society's "winners".... From her POV, it makes sense, too, her general but vague dissatisfaction.... That's just what's so tragic, so sad -- and true to life and thus cathartic...like I was saying, folks come here wanting to know why, why, why (how could s/he, etc.), and no matter the logic behind any advice or insight offered it's never enough because what people really want is the actualy *experience* of knowing instead of mere factoids ("she's got Borderline Personality Disorder," "you're a weak man and that's not attractive," "stuff happens," etc.) but watching this movie, I've got a bit of that *experiential* knowledge, like the difference between knowing that fire burns and actually being burned by fire.... Logically, I could see my ex's POV, too, but watching "Blue Valentine" has made me almost *know* it myself....
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