Am I a typical A**hole?

[Frivolous]

So I'm 28 now and have been single for over 2 years until a month ago.

 

 

I have posted on here before about the relationship I ended after 3 years for various reasons. I found it difficult and basically messed the girl around for months whilst I was just trying to ease my guilty conscience (I realise that now). I've never felt the same about anyone else and I just couldn't let it go. I even asked for a serious meet recently but she didn't want to know and just asked me to leave her alone so that's the final nail in the coffin as it were. I understand as I broke her heart so I really do need to move on now. Anyway that's my main relationship experience.

 

 

My issue is that haven't felt the same about any other girl since but still crave intimacy. I have dated and slept with some people but nothing has materialised from it. I'm beginning to feel like that I'm the one who has commitment issues and I'm just being the typical a**hole that girls talk about. I don't set out to use people but I also don't want to be alone.

 

 

Now I find myself in yet another awkward situation. I have been seeing a girl for a couple months who is obviously into me so I decided to make her my GF. She made me wait for sex and I didn't mind because I like her and wanted to give it a real try. We have only slept together once but I'm just not feeling a connection to make it long term. She's nice and makes me feel wanted but I just don't feel it.

 

 

So here I am thinking about breaking another heart

 

I don't want to reinforce the negative stereotypes that women already have for us blokes but I like sex and don't want to be lonely so what else can I do? Granted I shouldn't of let it get to this stage but I look for a connection beyond the first few dates!

Edited December 1, 2014 by Frivolous

[Divasu]

Perhaps be more up front with your thought process (since now you seem to have a good grasp on it) sooner rather then later, as opposed to being passive.

[Frivolous]

Perhaps be more up front with your thought process (since now you seem to have a good grasp on it) sooner rather then later, as opposed to being passive.

 

Thanks Divasu, your advice is interesting given this article I just read: Women take six days to end relationships but men drag it out for a MONTH | Daily Mail Online

 

 

It would seem that I'm guilty of this and even though I understand that it's probably making the situation worse I find it difficult to just speak my mind knowing that I'm hurting someone else.

 

 

I just don't know what the best relationship strategy is? I like to get to know someone (including sex) before dismissing a relationship but that obviously comes with complications. The alternative is to just move on after a couple dates but it's depressing after dating lots of people but not finding someone who is worth more than just 2 dates. On top of that is loneliness :/

 

 

Maybe my insecurity is the problem here, who knows!?

[preraph]

The best way to get your needs met without the guilt is to be open and honest from the beginning. You can tell them you've had some commitment issues (or whatever issues they were) in the past and while you think you've grown from your past relationship, you're still a work in progress. Tell them you crave companionship and of course sex and truly are most interested in a long-term relationship but that that doesn't mean it's easy for you to achieve and that the most you can offer is that you'll be honest on whether you are dating around or whether you will take it one woman at a time and give it your best shot, but then call it off when it's not looking like it will go the distance. Of course, all this isn't for the first date, but just a quick overview of "I'm dating around a bit, but looking for long-term and finding it kind of hard." Good luck.

[Divasu]

Thanks Divasu, your advice is interesting given this article I just read: Women take six days to end relationships but men drag it out for a MONTH | Daily Mail Online

 

 

It would seem that I'm guilty of this and even though I understand that it's probably making the situation worse I find it difficult to just speak my mind knowing that I'm hurting someone else.

 

 

I just don't know what the best relationship strategy is? I like to get to know someone (including sex) before dismissing a relationship but that obviously comes with complications. The alternative is to just move on after a couple dates but it's depressing after dating lots of people but not finding someone who is worth more than just 2 dates. On top of that is loneliness :/

 

 

Maybe my insecurity is the problem here, who knows!?

 

You're welcome. That is an interesting article. Never thought of it in terms of it being moreso a knee jerk reaction for women, though I can see how that may apply in some cases.

 

And maybe certain men under certain circumstances are more likely to be naturally passive with ending a relationship. Food for thought.

 

So good you've recognized certain patterns with such behavior and you can learn to be more proactive at least in the beginning stages as preraph outlined.

[Frivolous]

Thank you both.

 

It seems that I'm stuck in a catch 22 situation. I just seem to attract girls that are a bit immature who just want to be all loved up and find prince charming. So ultimately I end up disappointing them because I don't get attached that easily and I'm at the stage where only Mrs right will do. If I were to be absolutely clear from the start and say those things I'm pretty sure It wouldn't go anywhere, at least with the idealistic immature girls that I've been dating anyway (don't mean that in a horrible way just easy description).

 

But maybe it's me being to judgemental and picky? Either way it feels like I can be either a passive user that goes around breaking hearts or just a lonely bloke always trying to hit above his weight.