JS17 Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 oh and guess what...even pretty girls with blond hair and big boobs get rejected! no more of this pissed off at this pretty people stuff. EVERYONE gets their heartbroken at some time in their lives.
d'Arthez Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 oh and guess what...even pretty girls with blond hair and big boobs get rejected! no more of this pissed off at this pretty people stuff. EVERYONE gets their heartbroken at some time in their lives. True. A lot of men and women on dating sites are visual to the point of not reading the added information / interests et cetera. It's a disaster to be attractive at times, because a lot of people are only into an attractive person for their looks, or assume that a more attractive person must have a sh*tty personality. Some beautiful people are users, and other beautiful people are really caring and beautiful persons on the inside too. And in real life the same happens. Men have their preferences too, and not every man is into blondes, or into big breasted women. That is absolutely a myth. Just as not every woman is into the 6.5 feet tall muscular man. Concerning looks we can't help who and what we are, and it is hurtful to be judged, regardless of beauty, on our looks. Beauty has its disadvantages too, just as being female itself can lead to be not taken serious by males, especially in male-dominated industries.
Butterfly28 Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 As the old saying goes: "You can't see brains from across the room"
lost_in_chgo Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 I disagree with the whole premise of this thread. No one owes you a response. It's like not answering the phone when it's a number you don't recognize or deleting spam instead of calling the company and thanking them for emailing you and politely declining. Don't take it as a personal attack. That's kind of megomaniacal. Or maybe just insecure. Or bitter? I get daily personals messages from Russia. Am I supposed to respond to every one of those? Not going to happen. I've seen some profiles where women have said that they will not respond to anyone that does not meet all of the requirements listed in their profiles. And some saying they get flamed for not widening their requirements just because they are asked to. That's ridiculous. It's their requirements, they can set them however they like. That doesn't keep me from trying, but I don't get hot and bothered if I don't get a response. And sometimes I do get a response, even though I'm outside the preferences defined in the profile. Some women view it as a preference and some as a hardline requirement. Unless they specifically say so, you can't know which applies to a specific profile. Now if you have a conversation going with someone and they just stop communicating without any reason or notice, that's different.
Author Nomad Posted March 23, 2005 Author Posted March 23, 2005 I disagree. Online dating emails is not like spam. Last time I checked, nobody voluntarily pays a monthly fee to get spam. You're signing up for this service with the understanding that people are going to email you. If you're not prepared to deal with this in a polite manner & see it as a sort of annoyance, than you've no business being on those sites. It's like girls who get dressed up in belly shirts & short skirts, go to a club, then complain when guys hit on them. Of course, if a girl's ideal match description is nowhere near my own physical or psychological dimensions I wouldn't be upset at all if I sent a message & she didn't respond. But if her ideal match description is wide open & their profile is really friendly & open, then they should expect to be emailed. And I don't know what site you're on that you're getting emails from another continent, but maybe you should switch to something else.
lost_in_chgo Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 So your issue is if you approach them and they haven't specifically declared in advance that you are not what they want, they are obligated to reply? It's a website, not a face to face encounter. It's just easier for them to not reply. They don't have to come up with a reason, or a nice way to say it. They don't have to risk getting attacked for rejecting you. (yes as someone said before that happens, whether or not you would do so is irrelevant). So they take the simpler approach of not replying. So just move on. You're too focused on yourself I think. Also consider that the average girl on a dating site probably gets about 100x the number of emails that the average guy gets. As far as spam goes, everyone's internet access and email is paid for in some form or another. Most people pay for their own. I paid for internet and got unwanted emails. I paid for a personals service and got unwanted messages. Same difference. I pay rent and junk mail comes in the mail. I throw it in the garbage and move on. Just accept that your overture to the woman who did not reply was unwelcome. She deleted it and moved on. It really isn't any more complicated than that. You don't have to like it, but it's easier if you just accept the reality. Better to direct your efforts to finding the ones that will respond than wasting any thought on the ones who don't. It's like a job interview. you apply, maybe you get it, maybe you don't. Some companies reply to every resume, other don't. In reality the ones that few companies tht get very few applicants are more likely to bother. The others are too busy. As far as the russians, I'm probably a bit older than you, so I am targeted by them. They work all the major sites.
Sckott Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 I understand lost_in_chgo's POV, but I have to say, I would rather be rejected full-on than to send an email to know nothing happened. Let me know you're not interested rather than toss the email. I would NOT take it personally. For some reason, it bothers me too when communication is the name of the game and "she" does not say Yay or Nay. Just say NO so I can delete you. It's much easier to know you don't wanna. Helps uncomplicate things too.
tokyo Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 I've posted before, but I think I didn't stay on topic.... So, my opinion is, you should expect to get an answer back. The women have every right to reject you if they are not interested, but as they invited you with their ad to approach you, it could be atl least expected that you get an answer back. Of course, if she's looking for someone who is tall and darkhaired and you are small and blonde, then I'd understand it if she won't reply, but in any other cases I'd expect them to give me a short answer. Oh, there's another thing that bugs me and where I also don't reply. I've never been on an online dating site, but I was looking once for people for making an exchange to practice languages. So I sometimes did get emails, but as bcc. I personally find that kind of rude and it makes me think that this person didn't really invest a lot of time in writing his email. I mean, how seriously can someone be interested in getting to know you if he's not even able to put my name in it? Nobody expects you to craft little masterpieces of literature for each single individual that you approach, but please bother to put in the name at least and not forward a copy. Those emails are for me just spam that I will delete immediately. If you reply to an ad you are definitely recommended to write more personal emails, you want to show them that you are interested in their unique personality. If you just write them: "Hi, I saw your ad and I think we might be a good match. Could you give me further details." then your chances of having success with the ladies might not be that great. I bet some might get to much spam from their online add to worry about each and single email, you just don't stuck out anymore as an individual, but you are probably more like an anonymous spammer that bugs her.
theedge Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Hey nomad, I know exactly how you feel man, I went through all of what you have. I was single up to my 30's. I had very little dates. I admit meeting people got a lot better with the internet. I did get a few dates and majority of them I got the usual. I think of you as a friend, got strung along or used. I got to a point where I no longer took online dating seriously. I used to always get my hopes up only to have them dashed. I will admit when I lost the desperation and just went with the flow it went so much smoother. In my particular case I got a break. A girl was surfing the profiles with her friend. The one girl was married and more or less being unbiased to find a guy for her friend. The married one using the other girls profile contacted me pretending to be her. She was watching of course, but the married one knew the right questions to ask. She ended up setting up a date for us and its now been over 5 months that we have been together. Keep plugging at it, don't take it so serious I know it can be lonely and depressing but thats how it works.
Topaze Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam There is one heavily advertised dating site (I don't if know I'm permitted to name it here) that only allows you to contact members that they select for you based on a very detailed personal survey. It is expensive, but I have heard far more success stories through this one compared to others where so much depends on just your picture. The previous advice on this thread about "standing out" is invaluable. You basically have to market yourself like a product in the grocery store. What's going to make a girl choose YOU over all the other guys? There are actually guides online on how to create a captivating profile, and it may not hurt to check those out. I disagree. I was on that site and it was a disaster. First I got NO matches. I called them....don't you have any men in my area? They said they had thousands in the area and the age group I was seeking. I was suspicious. I left everything the same but changed my race to White. Suddenly, I got tons of responses. This site didn't put photos upfront at that time. I would communicate with these guys and everythign would go fine. When it came time to exchange photos, I would tell them my race and they would fly the coop. Next I put my race back to Black and broadened my geographic search. All of a sudden I got matches. Matches from all over the place. The interesting thing was that they were ALL black and few of them had ANYTHING in common with me OTHER than their race. It was clear that race was the ONLY criteria used to match us. So much for their scientific, matching survey. I called the VP of the company and I was successful in getting an apology and a refund.
CurvyGurl Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 I don't know that anyone is obligated to respond but its nice when you can get closure on a situation. Men and women have it pretty hard online and IRL-- I once read an article about why men will date you and then disappear and a lot of men said it was because women don't want to be contacted just to be rejected. Like "you're calling me to tell me you don't want to go out with me anymore? Thanks a helluva lot!" I think both men and women are loathe to respond in the negative and so they don't. I hate opening an email and getting 'you're really cute but not my type'. Why bother sending a response???
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