Nomad Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 For any girls reading this who are on some sort of online dating site: IT IS SIMPLE COURTESY TO RESPOND WHEN SOMEONE SENDS YOU A MESSAGE. Even a "No thanks" is better than nothing. I know (mainly from reading Loveshack) that the guy/girl ratios on those sites are really high, & that the best-looking girls are likely swamped with emails. But, if you don't "have time" to give even a minimal response than you shouldn't be on those sites in the first place. That is pure bullsh*t...it takes 2 seconds to respond with a "not interested." If you can't spare 2 seconds of your day, you're practicing some really crappy time management. Just had to get that off of my chest.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 I like you, man. I felt the same way when I was on those. The reality is that most girls will only respond to the hottest or most unique guys. It is common courtesy to reply and say "not interested", but you know common courtesy rarely applies in the dating realm. It's often cutthroat and unforgiving.
Butterfly28 Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 I'm honestly not trying to sound shallow, but I followed the "no thanks" rule, and MOST of the times I replied "no thanks" I would get a "Why?" or "You b*tch" or something else rude. So, I stopped. I felt I was being treated unfairly for being polite and acknowledging someone's compliments however kindly turning them down. Believe it or not, I was a frequent user of online dating sites. The same goes for some men too. I would reply to their ad/profile....and do you think I would get a "no thanks?" or "not interested?" .....no. That is just my honest opinion.
Author Nomad Posted March 20, 2005 Author Posted March 20, 2005 I've emailed about 30-40 girls & gotten about 2 positive responses, where the girl actually was interested. I got 3 or 4 "Thanks but no thanks" deals & 1 girl initiated & emailed me. The rest is no response. I'm 24, I should be tougher by now & used to this, but it still hurts. It's like I've been rejected every possible way. Online dating was pretty much my last hope, unfortunately.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 Originally posted by Nomad I've emailed about 30-40 girls & gotten about 2 positive responses, where the girl actually was interested. I got 3 or 4 "Thanks but no thanks" deals & 1 girl initiated & emailed me. The rest is no response. I'm 24, I should be tougher by now & used to this, but it still hurts. It's like I've been rejected every possible way. Online dating was pretty much my last hope, unfortunately. Are you my long lost twin brother?
Author Nomad Posted March 20, 2005 Author Posted March 20, 2005 If you're extremely depressed, lonely, bitter & insecure, then yeah, maybe we are long-lost twins, Spirit.
tokyo Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 Ok, let me throw in my two cents. I think human beings are visual beings, even if you believe in inner values, etc. and are able to distinguish between love and lust, an attractive person is an eyecatcher. I sometimes see a guy and I find him hot, he's attractive, I like his facial features, but that doesn't mean that I think he will be a great mate or that I want to have a relationship with him. I just find looking and him pleases my eye. If I choose a friend or partner the physical attributes will be less important, there are so many factores that play a role and that will influence my decision that his looks will be of less importance. But I'll be honest, if I had to choose between a person who is good-looking and someone who is less attractive and I know nothing about them, then I will go for the better looking person. I'm fully aware that it won't mean that he's better or nicer, but it's pleasing to my eyes. I think that's one reason why I think that online dating sites are not the panacaea for me to find a partner. I've been in love with people who I without knowing anything about would probably not have chosen. I feel I would miss out too much by going on a online dating site, because I would chose someone by his looks and not by his personality. What I'm trying to say is, if you don't have the looks, you will get few responses to your add. I'm pretty sure that a lot of people think like me and you could do better if you went out more and tried to meet people in real life. Your chances of winning someone's affection through personal interactions is greater than with an anonymous add. Yes, that means to go out and have the courage to approach people (that sucks, I know....), but if you do it, the reward will be sweet. Your problem is probably lack of confidence and that's what you have to tackle.
Author Nomad Posted March 20, 2005 Author Posted March 20, 2005 Yeah, Kooky, I know that looks are important, even in an online ad. I'm not even really pissed that girls on those sites don't want me, my main complaint was just that they can't even be bothered to say "No thanks." Unfortunately, I have approached people in real life, with poor results. I'm a college grad & have gone to many parties & struck out with many girls. I've tried joining clubs & organizations & nothing works. Basically, I was just hoping online dating would open up some oppurtunities, & it hasn't. I'm just disappointed, more than anything.
tokyo Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 Look, online dating is crap if you don't look good, but that's just my personal opinion. Don't bother about them not saying "No thanks". People on websites can be really rude, it's like, when they don't see you, it means they are not interacting with a real human being and the social conventions about politeness and manners have ceased to exist. And looks are not important even in online ads, they are the essence of online ads. If you want to have dates you need to improve your approaches in real life. That's hard if you didn't have that much success as far as now, but I think it's just something that you have to practice and then it will get better.
moimeme Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 But I'll be honest, if I had to choose between a person who is good-looking and someone who is less attractive and I know nothing about them, then I will go for the better looking person. I'm fully aware that it won't mean that he's better or nicer, but it's pleasing to my eyes. I think that's one reason why I think that online dating sites are not the panacaea for me to find a partner. I've been in love with people who I without knowing anything about would probably not have chosen. I feel I would miss out too much by going on a online dating site, because I would chose someone by his looks and not by his personality. Online dating sites, unlike real life, allow people to post information about who they are, what their tastes and hobbies and preferences are, and some even allow them to post lengthy essays about themselves. My gf who dates guys from online sites will only date the ones who take the time to write about themselves and whose online 'essay' makes an interesting read. You then have the option to exchange emails and learn more about what someone thinks; and because of the 'safer' method of communication, the correspondents tend to be more self-revealing than they are when meeting in person. In short, online dating, like real-life dating, is what you make it. Once you understand that photos are very poor depictions of what people really look like, you then, (one hopes) are wise enough to *not* judge people solely on their pictures and instead go on the information you are able to glean through communicating.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 I agree it is unforgiveable - and you have every right to be disappointed that there are so many people out there that were raised with absolutely NO manners. I joined an online dating site about a year ago as a non paying member, just to check it all out. Within 2 days I literally had over 500 emails! I actually paid to be able to answer each and every one of them! Without paying you were only allowed to answer 10 notes a day. The flip side is that the guys on this site in particular did not seem to read your profile at all - I guess they only looked at the pictures (and cmon let's be honest we are all going to use the best possible pic - its all in the marketing) - because I would say 99.9% of them did not fit the criteria I had so carefully included in my profile. The good news is that if you are discriminating, and take the time to truly give it a chance, it can work. I met my boyfriend at that site - and we've been going strong for 10 months. Sure there have been some down moments, but overall its been pretty wonderful. Like the previous poster said, everything in life is what you make of it. Of course you are still pefectly entitled to be upset at the rudeness of people, and that is what we are here for - to share your pain!!! Good luck with it!
Mary3 Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Even pretty girls get played with on the online sites. If shes pretty she gets everyone interested in whats under her jeans...thats what its like for me ...and I HAVE responded to funny guys because they * stood out * on their profile so if you are no Josh Hartnett then make good use of hiring someone to take a more flattering pic....change your profile to * stand out * make her WANT to meet you because you are soooo charming ...or funny...or........I have met men that were not incredibly handsome ( but were not fugly either ) but there was something irresistable about them . Iv'e met drop dead gorgeous men on there and to be honest most are looking for a quick fast booty call...sadly... Remember first impressions....how can you get her to respond ? By removing any negative stuff on your profile such as " Hi I'm Ken and I dont date druggies. whores, gold diggers. cheaters " When I see this kind of add I NEVER respond because that person usually has issues.. How does your essay look on your profile ? It should NOT scream needy or desperate. How does your pic look on there ? Hire someone to take a better one that will make you look more flattering Would you mind terribly posting some of what your profile says ? I would like to hope you NEVER give up on trying to find happiness !
Sukotto Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 I always act arogant in my profiles as if I'm too good for the girls that are viewing my profile, that usually drives them wild! Then i'll send a message like "I read your profile and I think you deserve a chance to get to know me better. I think we'd get along well so i've included my own profile. If you are interested (which of course you will be). Reply and if you sound as interesting as your profile implies I might write back ;)" That usually gets me an instant reply from a woman and I have to say that I'm not model handsome. I use to send messages like "I read your profile and I think we might have some common interests. I've included my profile for you to see. Hope to here from you either way" Now thats just needy! Its all about impressions.
Mary3 Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 I think you * deserve * to get to know me " ? --Thats what you have in your profile Sukkoto... I think I deserve a vacation... I deserve recognition on the job...... but I * deserve * to know you better ? How so ? If I responded to that ad , I want to know, lol
d'Arthez Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 "I read your profile and I think you deserve a chance to get to know me better. I think we'd get along well so i've included my own profile. If you are interested (which of course you will be). Reply and if you sound as interesting as your profile implies I might write back " If a woman had that attitude, Sukotto, I would immediately assume a "bloated frog syndrome" and not respond at all, regardless of interests. As for the men, I am not interested in them .
CurvyGurl Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by Butterfly28 I'm honestly not trying to sound shallow, but I followed the "no thanks" rule, and MOST of the times I replied "no thanks" I would get a "Why?" or "You b*tch" or something else rude. So, I stopped. I felt I was being treated unfairly for being polite and acknowledging someone's compliments however kindly turning them down. That is just my honest opinion. Agreed. I get 'why, you stuck up bitch, 'cause I don't have any money?" more often than I care to speak of. Men on dating sites take 'no thanks' as some sort of personal affront and launch a personal attack on my character, instead of an honest response. Now I just don't respond. Sorry you're not getting any responses from the ladies, but men on online sites are just freaky. Believe it or not, I was a frequent user of online dating sites. The same goes for some men too. I would reply to their ad/profile....and do you think I would get a "no thanks?" or "not interested?" .....no. Also agreed. Men don't respond with a 'no thanks' either. Take their silence as all the answer you need. If you're pinning your hopes on a return email, you're entirely too invested in the process.
Sukotto Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Well every girl i've contacted I've got a response from rather than my other reply. I dont think i used the word deserved though, that was just off the top of my head I have to agree that womans profiles are a little more reserved. My profile has some sarcasm and questions to the reader in it. Not too cheeky but enough to get some replies.
CurvyGurl Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 You might take your photo off of your profile, and let your words speak for themselves. Just put that your photo is avaialable upon request. Any woman who is looking for more than some arm candy will read your profile and respond accordingly. Of course, if you still don't get responses, revamp your profile. Have 10 women read it and accept what they say is wrong with it. Change it up, do it up. Any average looking man can be handsome with some effort, and for me, I rarely find soemone attractive until I know him a bit better. Keep at it and change it up till you find something that works for you.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 There is one heavily advertised dating site (I don't if know I'm permitted to name it here) that only allows you to contact members that they select for you based on a very detailed personal survey. It is expensive, but I have heard far more success stories through this one compared to others where so much depends on just your picture. The previous advice on this thread about "standing out" is invaluable. You basically have to market yourself like a product in the grocery store. What's going to make a girl choose YOU over all the other guys? There are actually guides online on how to create a captivating profile, and it may not hurt to check those out.
Author Nomad Posted March 21, 2005 Author Posted March 21, 2005 I would post my pic & profile, but I don't think we're allowed to do that here, as it is a link to a commercial, paid site. No, I'm def not gorgeous...I don't think I'm even good-looking to tell the truth. Some people (including girls) have said I'm ugly, some girls have said I was "cute." Of course no return email is answer enough in that it conveys "not interested," but it's no more thoughtful or appropriate than ignoring someone who's trying to talk to you in a bar. I've tried the no pic thing, as I didn't yet have a scanner when I signed up for the site & so couldn't put a photo on my computer. But then I got a scanner, put my pic on the profile, & started sending out emails in earnest. I've gotten 1 favorable response, & 1 girl initiated contact & emailed me. I suppose the bottom line is that I expect too much out of people (& perhaps out of life as a whole). I've emailed hot girls who took the time to respond w/ "No thanks" or "I'm taking a break from this thing for a while" etc, & I've had some so-so girls who never responded at all...so I don't buy the answer that hot girls are just too swamped to respond to everybody. As far as the other site Spirit mentioned (which I believe, begins w/ an "E", right?), I wouldn't want a site that just paired me up w/ people w/ no control of my own. Hell, I don't even really care if the girl shares any of my interests, as long as she's sweet & half-way good-looking.
KissMyTiara Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by Butterfly28 I'm honestly not trying to sound shallow, but I followed the "no thanks" rule, and MOST of the times I replied "no thanks" I would get a "Why?" or "You b*tch" or something else rude. So, I stopped. I felt I was being treated unfairly for being polite and acknowledging someone's compliments however kindly turning them down. Believe it or not, I was a frequent user of online dating sites. The same goes for some men too. I would reply to their ad/profile....and do you think I would get a "no thanks?" or "not interested?" .....no. That is just my honest opinion. This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO true.
CurvyGurl Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 I don't like eHarmony at all. They have too much power over who I can meet, and they allow people to fill out a profile without paying for the service. So I've paid and been matched with someone, and then nothing.... because they haven't paid the 50 smackers to respond to me. BLECH.
tokyo Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by Sukotto I always act arogant in my profiles as if I'm too good for the girls that are viewing my profile, that usually drives them wild! Then i'll send a message like "I read your profile and I think you deserve a chance to get to know me better. I think we'd get along well so i've included my own profile. If you are interested (which of course you will be). Reply and if you sound as interesting as your profile implies I might write back ;)" That usually gets me an instant reply from a woman and I have to say that I'm not model handsome. I use to send messages like "I read your profile and I think we might have some common interests. I've included my profile for you to see. Hope to here from you either way" Now thats just needy! Its all about impressions. Sukotto, I'm sooo captivated, pleeeeaaaaase, contact me! But seriously, a fun approach is always better.
Sukotto Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 yeah tongue and cheak stuff is much better, if you can do something unique when contacting people you'll get a better response. I use match.com
JS17 Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 I know this sounds trite but you need to be yourself. Don't use "marketing" or paint an untrue picture of yourself to try to lure someone in. You will only end up attracting the wrong person and you'll both end up disappointed. It's so simple. I just got out of a relationship and attempted one online date because it was a "safe and easy" reentry into dating. The guy turned out to be nothing like he portrayed himself to be personally and on top of that I found him unattractive because his pictures weren't realistic. It was a waste of both of our time. It may sound harsh but are you contacting girls that may be out of your league? I'll tell you from my personal experience, being an attractive person has it's downside, you wonder if people only want you for your looks. If maybe you're not the most attractive person then you should know that when you find someone who likes you, they like you for you, not what you look like. I wouldn't be too offended by girls not responding. Personally, I would have thought that not responding is better than flat out saying no...you know if they were interested they'd respond without actually having to hear it. But what do I know?
Recommended Posts