Who is the jerk in this story? Me or the girl? And what does she think of me now?

[chikitou]

A girl previously asked a friend of mine for my name, called me in the library and introduced herself to me. After some days, she showed with body language real obvious signs she wanted me to talk to her like coming really close to me with a smile in her face and making strong eye contact. I kinda acted annoyed by her, ignored her for some important reasons. So she anonymously insulted me on social media and asked why i got annoyed. And then i approached her like 2 months later to ask her to talk to me. She was angry and rude and she was like : "This is the first time i ever see you okay? okay!". She humiliated me with those words and she left. I got badly hurt cus i really liked this girl. I was going to tell her how much i liked her (she is gorgeous and one of the best looking girls i have ever seen) and it was really hard for me to approach her. I even spent nights suffering and thinking that she played me and that i was really foolish. And then one day, after like 3 months or so, i approached her again and told her that i only wanted to talk to her so i can tell her why i got annoyed by her and why i ignored her before and made a mocking lie about the whole story. I wanted to hurt her and humiliate her back. My pride was the only thing i was thinking about. I then told her to stop being so proud of herself and then i left. She was angry when i approached her and she didn't want to listen to me and that was one more reason for me to humiliate her. She only started listening when i persisted. so i wonder now how could her feelings be toward me and why she acted this way. And was she just playing me? Could she be hurt? Is she hurt now? Does she think less of me or something? I don't know if i should go and tell her i am sorry or just let things the way they are.

[Shepp]

Are you guys like 8?

 

 

If you are then neither of you, forget it!

 

 

If you aren't then both of you - neither of you should be dating anyone you both need to work on growing up!

[preraph]

Man, you have problems that have nothing to do with her. Did you grow up in an environment where you got the idea that mutual humiliation is what love is about? If not, you really have no excuse for acting like you did. It's all on you.

[Ebelskiver]

Jeez. You sound like a complete and raging idiot. One of the most beautiful women you have ever seen makes a pass at you and you humiliate her. You somehow get her to talk to you and instead of begging forgiveness you further insult her. Do her a favor and never speak to her again. She deserves better.

 

Seriously, how old are you??? If you like someone you treat them with kindness. Honestly you should treat all people with kindness but that goes doubly for someone you actually want to pursue a relationship with.

[aussietigerwolf]

For future reference... Hate does not equal love...

[serial muse]

Hard to see how she could possibly be the jerk here when she acted interested and you were rude to her. Everything else was the result of that, right? So why don't you just accept that you screwed up and yes, you're the jerk here? Is this a real question?

 

Or is there some important aspect of this story you aren't telling us?

 

To answer your final question, you were mean to her and then tried to approach her and she told you off. And instead of accepting that, you were mean to her again. I think you know what she thinks of you. I don't see any way that you can spin this into her "playing" you, though. She seems rather a straightforward person.

Edited December 1, 2014 by serial muse

[Frank2thepoint]

she showed with body language real obvious signs she wanted me to talk to her like coming really close to me with a smile in her face and making strong eye contact. I kinda acted annoyed by her, ignored her for some important reasons.

 

I was going to tell her how much i liked her (she is gorgeous and one of the best looking girls i have ever seen) and it was really hard for me to approach her.

 

First, it was difficult for you to approach this girl, to express your interest in you. She helps you out by approaching you first. You get this golden opportunity, and in your infinite wisdom, f*ck it up by acting annoyed with her. Good job buddy. You are the initial jerk. She is one too for insulting you on social media, which she didn't need to do.

 

Second, what was the important reason you decided to be annoyed and ignore her? This is an important tidbit you should share to receive a better answer.

 

Third, assuming your important reason for ignoring her is sensible and valid, hopefully you did not scar the girl from ever approaching a guy again in the future.

 

 

so i wonder now how could her feelings be toward me and why she acted this way. And was she just playing me? Could she be hurt? Is she hurt now? Does she think less of me or something? I don't know if i should go and tell her i am sorry or just let things the way they are.

 

You are both angry with each other, because both of you are prideful idiots. Each of your pride is more important than making a connection with each other. Easier to burn a bridge than build one. If you want to apologize, you first have to make sure you are sincere about it, without your pride hanging in the background ready to pounce out and upstage your apology. The other problem is she has to be willing to listen and accept your apology.

 

One way you could approach the matter is say your are sorry, and the reason why you acted annoyed with her is because you allowed your stupid pride blind you from accepting a woman initiate with a man. Tell her that you sincerely like her, and wish to ask her out on a date, so you two can get to know each other better. If you are thinking of doing anything short of this, then don't even bother trying, because you wouldn't be sincere.

[chikitou]

I think you got it all right... I also ignored her because i was so stressed and focused in my exams and because i just started dating an other girl. I have been in so many relationships before but none of them lasted for more than 5 months. okay so as i already mentioned, this girl is really attractive and i am so physically attracted to her. She kept showing interest in me and my mind was like :" go away bitch i don't have time for this and i need to focus in my exams" because it's really important to me. I admit that i was the jerk first and i should at least have said hi to her since she was the one who called my name in the library and introduced herself to me. She seemed so confident and my mind was also like: a little rejection from me won't really hurt. But what's done is done and now i dunno if i should try to get her back or not because i honestly can't accept the idea of being rejected or getting hurt again. If she is hurt, then i guess it will be easy to get her back but if she is thinking less of me, since i had an unmanly attitude toward her, then it's definitely over and i should just forget about her. Maybe you could tell me what she thinks of me now... am i the heart breaker and the one she couldn't get and she would love to get or the unmanly jerk who doesn't deserve her? I did something really bad and unmanly by humiliating her and i admit it. Shame on me... I am learning = =''

[serial muse]

I think you got it all right... I also ignored her because i was so stressed and focused in my exams and because i just started dating an other girl. I have been in so many relationships before but none of them lasted for more than 5 months. okay so as i already mentioned, this girl is really attractive and i am so physically attracted to her. She kept showing interest in me and my mind was like :" go away bitch i don't have time for this and i need to focus in my exams" because it's really important to me. I admit that i was the jerk first and i should at least have said hi to her since she was the one who called my name in the library and introduced herself to me. She seemed so confident and my mind was also like: a little rejection from me won't really hurt. But what's done is done and now i dunno if i should try to get her back or not because i honestly can't accept the idea of being rejected or getting hurt again. If she is hurt, then i guess it will be easy to get her back but if she is thinking less of me, since i had an unmanly attitude toward her, then it's definitely over and i should just forget about her. Maybe you could tell me what she thinks of me now... am i the heart breaker and the one she couldn't get and she would love to get or the unmanly jerk who doesn't deserve her? I did something really bad and unmanly by humiliating her and i admit it. Shame on me... I am learning = =''

 

Hm, sounds like you're hoping this whole scenario made you look "hard to get" and therefore somehow more desirable, and that you're a bit wrapped up in the idea of dating as a struggle for power. I'm guessing you guys are pretty young.

 

Dating someone else is a good reason for not responding to another woman flirtatiously, as is being focused on studying. But jumping to "go away bitch" in your mind is a bit...dramatic. What's wrong with the truth? "Hey, sorry can't talk right now, I'm studying for exams"?

 

And why does it have to be about taking her down a peg? What is manly about making someone else feel badly so you can feel temporarily powerful? That's just immature.

 

Bottom line, it doesn't sound like she sees you as a heartbreaker or the one who got away. I think you have to chalk this one up to lesson learned: Don't be rude to people in the hopes that they will think it's sexy or that it will raise your stock in their eyes - particularly if you're hoping to win their respect or more at some point. It's very unlikely to work out the way you want it to.

[Frank2thepoint]

I also ignored her because i was so stressed and focused in my exams and because i just started dating an other girl.

 

Well thanks for dropping this piece of tidbit. You neglected to mention this in your initial post. If you are dating another girl, why are you trying to hookup with another one? You are exhibiting the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome.

 

But you could have been a little more diplomatic with the girl who approached you in the library. I think it is moot, since you dating a girl already.

[chikitou]

Well actually i did make myself more desirable for playing hard to get and it worked like a charm with so many given girl. The problem is that when i over do it, i get a very bad reaction from them. I never thought about putting this girl down so i can feel temporarily powerful. I am used to approach invitations. And i know how a girl feels when she goes on limb doing me a favor and welcoming me to talk to her. It's just that that day, i was really stressed, focused and annoyed. When i approached her for the first time, i was acting really sweet and nice. I called her name twice and i was completely under her control and charm. I stuttered a bit and it was obvious. She humiliated me. I said "sorry for annoying you" and then i left badly hurt. She ignored me for months. After summer holidays and after i moved on with my life, she started trying to get my attention again. The first time she saw me after a while, she jumped from her friends leaning trying to see me. I saw walking fast just to come beside me or sometimes giving me the puppy eyes and talking about me to all of her friends( All of them are constantly watching me and no it's definitely not in my mind. It's obvious how they always look at me in the halls). My mind was like :" what the **** i am not your puppet! It's over! you should stop now"... I couldn't get her out of my mind and wrote something about her on social media very similar to what she wrote about me before(anonymously insulting her of course). After that, body language was off... And when i approached her again, i had two scenarios in my mind. She didn't want to talk, so for me, humiliating her was the best option.

[chikitou]

I said i just started dating an other girl. We weren't actually in a relationship o.O just getting to know each other.

[todreaminblue]

as other posters have said kindness towards anyone goes a long way, much farther than humiliation, i feel your confusion....and its ok to be confused.....but....its not ok if you know you have done the wrong thing and should fix it and you dont do just that....fix it.....how you can fix it is by being honest with her......take the risk of laying your heart on the line and ask for her friendship......tell her the truth...not every detail .....or graphically ...tell her the truth on how you feel right now......apologize fro what you know you did wrong......it isnt ever being a pussy to apologize it takes strength of character and a strong heart

 

 

if a man lays his heart on the line with honesty respect and kindness........a true woman would not step on it ...a woman would give you back that kindness compassion and honesty...and treat you likewise with kindness and compassion...i wish you well..deb......

[Divasu]

I would say, you. Her poor behavior was reactive to your initial poor behavior.

[serial muse]

Well actually i did make myself more desirable for playing hard to get and it worked like a charm with so many given girl. The problem is that when i over do it, i get a very bad reaction from them. I never thought about putting this girl down so i can feel temporarily powerful. I am used to approach invitations. And i know how a girl feels when she goes on limb doing me a favor and welcoming me to talk to her. It's just that that day, i was really stressed, focused and annoyed. When i approached her for the first time, i was acting really sweet and nice. I called her name twice and i was completely under her control and charm. I stuttered a bit and it was obvious. She humiliated me. I said "sorry for annoying you" and then i left badly hurt. She ignored me for months. After summer holidays and after i moved on with my life, she started trying to get my attention again. The first time she saw me after a while, she jumped from her friends leaning trying to see me. I saw walking fast just to come beside me or sometimes giving me the puppy eyes and talking about me to all of her friends( All of them are constantly watching me and no it's definitely not in my mind. It's obvious how they always look at me in the halls). My mind was like :" what the **** i am not your puppet! It's over! you should stop now"... I couldn't get her out of my mind and wrote something about her on social media very similar to what she wrote about me before(anonymously insulting her of course). After that, body language was off... And when i approached her again, i had two scenarios in my mind. She didn't want to talk, so for me, humiliating her was the best option.

 

I don't know. You do sound very young to me. Humiliating anybody is never the best option. That's immaturity talking. Hopefully you'll grow out of that.

 

And it didn't work for you here. So again, one hopes you'd take something away from this about how you handle these things. You did bring this upon yourself, but you seem determined to shift the blame to her. I'm not seeing how this is at all her fault. Again, something to grow out of.

[preraph]

Sounds to me like you have some deep resentment for females and want to punish them. Who's the real culprit in your life that you'd like to punish but are lashing out at these innocent girls instead? You are abusive. Find out why and work on it.

[Molly Hooper]

Like many have already said, you sound rather emotionally immature and you come across with an attitude that you think you're smarter than everyone else. Based on your initial posts, it actually DOESN'T sound like your whole playing hard to get "worked like a charm" at all.

 

To answer your original question, you come across as the jerk. Absolutely.

 

In the future, if you find a girl physically attractive and are interested in her, don't outwardly seek ways to be cruel to her. If you're busy, say that you unfortunately need to focus on your studies right now. If you're in a relationship, say that you're flattered, but you're currently seeing someone right now. THAT'S A MAN. THAT is what would make you seem more attractive. Not being an ass.

[chikitou]

Ok so how do you guys think she is feeling now?

[eye of the storm]

She is probably feeling like she is lucky she didn't waste any more time on you. And that you are not a very nice person for treating her the way you did.

 

For some reason you nuked any chance at this girl. She has wisely moved on. Learn from her and do the same.

[littleblackheart]

If she has any sense, she'll have moved on. So should you. Unless it's the standard way for people your age to proceed, I'd let this one slide and focus on the girl you're already dating.

[elaine567]

There is playing hard to get and there is deliberately humiliating and insulting someone.

 

Playing hard to get, may get you somewhere with the right girl, but some girls get totally turned off by that sort of behaviour too.

 

Deliberately humiliating and insulting someone is never going to get you anywhere as that is mean, cruel and hurtful and no person with any ounce of self esteem is going to put up with that.

 

i was acting really sweet and nice. I called her name twice and i was completely under her control and charm. I stuttered a bit and it was obvious. She humiliated me. I said "sorry for annoying you" and then i left badly hurt.

 

See how hurtful it is? That is exactly how she felt when you blasted her the first time for merely speaking to you.

[elaine567]

Sounds to me like you have some deep resentment for females and want to punish them. Who's the real culprit in your life that you'd like to punish but are lashing out at these innocent girls instead? You are abusive. Find out why and work on it.

 

This ^^^^

[chikitou]

She didn't try to talk to me. She just called me in the library and introduced herself to me. And the rest of it was body language like staring at me when she walks paste me. Looking at me and then looking away when i look at her. and then one day, she came so close to me with a smile in her face. By her body language, i understood that she wanted me to talk to her. I kinda acted annoyed by her. And as i already said, i was really focused and stressed. It was during and exam day and she knows it because she has exams too. She insulted me on facebook page after that and asked why i got annoyed. I read the insult and i knew she was hurt. So i wanted to correct my mistake and decided to go talk to her and tell her how much i liked her. i got a bad reaction from her when i approached after like 2 months or so and i got badly hurt... Isn't she a jerk too ?? loool I actually kind of rejected other girls before but never seen this kind of reaction. She knows she is hot and she isn't used to rejection so i think she deserves it... Why are you all guys against me?? o.O

[serial muse]

Why are you all guys against me?? o.O

 

I think people are basically against this way of thinking:

 

She knows she is hot and she isn't used to rejection so i think she deserves it...

 

because it's really high school and immature. And it certainly doesn't make you look "manly". One hopes that by pointing this out to you you'll absorb that. But it doesn't seem that you will.

 

So if basic human decency is a no-go, then plan b is to point out to you the practicality of your situation: that your strategy failed big time. Maybe that will sink in, at least.

 

Barring that, you're on your own, kid. We've given you all the info you need. What you do with it is up to you.

[chikitou]

Well okay! I am wrong ! I was a jerk with her. I was jerk for not saying hi to her. But just admit it... She is a jerk too. We exchanged so much eye contact. She initiated it!! And when i finally decided to talk to her, she was like :" This is the first time i ever see you okay? okay!" <-----What kind of reaction is this? She wanted to hurt me! She is evil and she insulted me on facebook!! Maybe i am more of a jerk than her, but she is a jerk too >.>