TiredConfusedHurtSad Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 if it seems things are going great an dyou get dumped out of nowhere.. how do you just walk away? how do you not try to figure out whats wrong or fight for it? I do try to "fight for it"...unfortunately, the modus operandi my Borderline Personality Disorder ex had was that the more I struggled for her attention, the more she pulled away -- until she was ready for me, anyway; until she'd calmed down herself (which could be days)...but how long can I keep doing this routine with her?? But if I did NC, I mean really did it and didn't wait for her to give me the signal that she was ready to restore her good graces to me again (pfffftt!!!), she'd really break up and move out.... NC is hard, yeah.
TiredConfusedHurtSad Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 [Hit the "submit" button too soon there above!] Anyway, NC is hard but it's necessary (and thus why folks don't "fight for" the relationship, trying to "figure out" things) because the other person wants to leave. I try to remind myself of that...it's harder when we have hope -- it's a bit easier when we realize that NC is actually what they want anyway, in a way.
Mi7522 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 NC works fantastic! It's not about if you can do it but how you do it. It is difficult but ultimately if during NC you work on yourself then you will see the benefits of doing it. The relationship is broken so therefore you owe nothing to your ex. This is the time to focus on yourself and be a better person for YOU! I'm currently 6 weeks NC and I've been doing things for myself and now starting to realise that there is so much more I can do and give when the right person for ME comes around I will be able to have a more fulfilling relationship. You learn a lot about yourself during times of heartache if you are working on yourself but you have to learn from NC and push yourself to be a better person
lauren13 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 As dumb as this seems now my version of 'fighting' was either drunk dialling or begging "please don't do this" - I have since grown up and it only happened once Something I hope to NEVER repeat. NC helped me on all occasions because it helped me gain perspective on the whole situation. Do you really want to fight (beg) for someone who has already given up? I'm currently going through a breakup (he left me for his ex) and I'm on day 6 of NC - first two days were pretty bad (especially cause he reached out) but now I'm getting stronger and I'm so glad I haven't talked to him yet because I realized how poorly he handled the whole situation.
bachdude Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I basically agree with the idea of no contact but be careful of the idea that there is never any hope. I think you have to use your intuition on this because sometimes one person in the relationship will end it because of feeling very hurt. Getting the person to sit down and really talk it through may help in a situation like that.
TiredConfusedHurtSad Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I basically agree with the idea of no contact but be careful of the idea that there is never any hope. And that's what's so tricky, of course. I think it's in the "manual," but in any case it bears stating now: NC is a tool to deal with a break-up; it is not a tool for diagnosing the state of a relationship or for repairing a relationship. One has to supply the goals (are you really deciding to break up/has someone really broken up with you) oneself.
Lookin4awayout Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I just got "dumped" almost two weeks ago. Smoothest easiest break up I've ever had. He said what he had to say then i said.."ok have a nice life bye" *end call* NC is the only way to go for break ups whether dumper or dumpee. I mean really what else is there to talk about? It's over, you don't want me. I'd like to leave a situation with my dignity intact and I'm sorry you can't do that if you're groveling and begging for someone who (mind you DOES NOT WANT YOU) to come back. I'll admit, I have a little vindictiveness in mind when I do this (as the dumpee) because I like to leave them wondering if I really cared in the first place...
Author alexwood Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 i just think its tough/./im sorry fo rnot understanding
Detectingfreak Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 It's really hard to do but it is a must
prettyinpink1 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I went from talking to my ex everyday for 2 years to not speaking. I found out he was cheating on me and I was soooo mad. Yeah, it sucked and I cried every night for weeks but the past is the past and you just gotta get those thoughts outta your head and make room for the future (: Good luck!
sm2281 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 if you were ina serious relationship with a girl i dont see how you just "walk away" without fighting You love who you love. But, love is not a fight. You can fight all you want to, and it won't change a damn thing if the other person doesn't love you and wants to walk away. You can't fight for love. Love comes easy, and if someone loved you - they wouldnt walk away from it.
organizedchaos Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 You love who you love. But, love is not a fight. You can fight all you want to, and it won't change a damn thing if the other person doesn't love you and wants to walk away. You can't fight for love. Love comes easy, and if someone loved you - they wouldnt walk away from it. Bolded for truth.
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