megamuffin Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend says that I am boring in bed and I am not sure what to do. Our sex life has never quite been that great. When we first started dating he would pleasure me with the TV on and would end up tuning out to watch TV. He's the first person I have ever did anything with and growing up as I did I was not allowed to watch PG-13 movies until 18 and didn't quite understand sex. I was miles behind everyone else and my family was so discouraging about sexual matters that I never actually felt any kind of sex drive until I turned 19 (I'm 22 now). So, when we first starting doing anything, as a virgin, I didn't know what to do. What do I do with my hands? I was extremely shy. Two months later I became more comfortable with touching him and kissing him. I played with him, gave him oral (He told me after that he has never liked oral) and I talked dirty to him. I thought I had become better, but he told me I was boring and that he couldn't stand it. In a long diatribe he described all of my faults. Upset, I no longer felt like having sex and had felt completely destroyed. I had been working my way up and started to feel confident, but after that I couldn't do anything. He would try to initiate things, but in frustration told me he was upset that I wasn't into anything. He would tell me that he was never into women of my race, that they were bitchy, didn't like how they dressed, how their bodies' looked, and I felt even worse and began to compare myself to the women he talked about liking. I told him that it bothered me when he said those things and has since stopped. Months later my sex drive was back and I would try to get him excited through massages and rubbing him, but there was never really any reaction from him. Deterred by the lack of reaction from him, I cut it short. When he would initiate something and I would get into it and start moaning and everything, he would cut it short and turn to the television. He told me two days ago that I never seem into it or anything. That I'm not adventurous at all (I had been pretty much up for anything; he's really into anything anal, but I sometimes feel unclean when he tries to do anything anal-related so I stop him; he does not do roleplaying or BDSM). He says I need to do something that isn't with my hands, like see what places his dick can fit into (like furniture, etc), but I just don't really see any kind of enjoyment in that. What am I supposed to do with that? That is something I don't understand. He also says I'm lethargic in bed, but I try to initiate things and get no response so I feel defeated. After all the criticism, I feel very unconfident in bed. He told me I never tell him what I like, but I have several times and I'll tell him when I like something. He tells me that I need to make him want to do anything. How do I do that? How am I supposed to do that? Because I'm new to this, I don't know what good in bed is or if I'm doing anything right. When asked him if I did anything right, he never responded. What do I do? *Sorry for the long post* Edited November 30, 2014 by megamuffin
FitChick Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 He says I need to do something that isn't with my hands, like see what places his dick can fit into (like furniture, etc). :confused::confused::confused::eek::eek: 6
MidwestUSA Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Break up with him. You'll never please him, even if you were to do the things he's asked. (furniture? I need more detail on that!) Find someone you're compatible with, this guy has put you down in every way possible - race, dress, body type - well beyond the sex stuff. You'll never recover mentally and enjoy good sex with him. Find someone who appreciates you for who you are, this guy is a dick. 7
Haydn Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Furniture? I think you should take the TV away from him pronto. 1
newmoon Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 you should really do yourself, and your self-esteem, a favor and end it now. dump him before he dumps you, because this is not going to end well (for you). you're with a guy who is willing to sleep with you and etc. to get what he needs and then uses emotional abuse afterwards by commenting about your style and whatever. end it and dump him. and then start watching some porn so you can educate yourself a bit for the next guy. 4
umirano Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 The way he goes about this problem is extremely disrespectful and discouraging. I don't blame you. I'd not accept my SO handling the situation like your BF does. Find someone with more respect and patience, and who actually is not repulsed by your race. SMH. 3
Dallers Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 My boyfriend says that I am boring in bed and I am not sure what to do. If you are a girl and you are in bed with a man that knows what he is doing then you would never be boring. I think it is quite obvious who is poor in that department. Wave at him on his way out the door for me. 2
d0nnivain Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 You are probably just fine. It's his issue & he's blaming you. 1
preraph Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 He's probably watched so much porn that he's immune to anything but weird crap. Break up with him. The nerve of him blaming you for his problems! 2
LostOnes05 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Megamuffin, you sound like a sweet woman. This is a time to toughen up and say bye bye to this guy. Like preraph said, he probably watches too much porn. Regardless dump him and get someone that treats you like his queen. No man should ever speak to you like that. And if he doesn't like your "race" why is he dating you? Either way, his time is up and you should hold your head up high as you walk pass this prick. 5
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