Vansteubanson Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 Hello, everyone! Im a new person here, but I am just so...lol..not feeling well. I am in love with a Bengali-Muslim woman and she has a strong tie to her background, and her parents don'Tapprove of me since im not muslim, the inherently dont like me, and see me as only a brute who wants to corrupt their delicate flower. If only can have one chance to show them who I am, and how much I love their daughter. We've been dating for quite some time and have realized the problems inherent. We're open and talk about our issues all the time, which I feel is good, we're trying to work things out. I am a white Catholic, im not the most religious, and am willing to bend to compromise with her religion. I know it is sinful to convert religion for love, and I am quite sure I wouldnt do so. We haven't talked about marriage yet, but I know she wants to know everything will "ok" until it comes to that. I am completely willing to bend any way necessary to be with her. She is a part of me, more importnat than my legs, which is why im willing to give them up..lol! We've been looking at stories of couples with similar problems and how they worked them out and we jsut want everything to be happy. I want to have some hope in this case , and we both do... I love her more than anything and she feels the same. Does love really conquer all? She has said that she is tied to her faith and cannot compromise much, in fact, probly not at all. I would do anything. Please, Im begging, for any one with a similar experience to let me know wut can happen to continue the greatest, most wonderful, and warmest part of my life!!! If nothing is possible to save our love, I will fight my hardest for our love, but if nothing else is possible, I wish nothing more than for everything to be...."happy" for both of us, even if it isn't with me...She is my life, and the most concievable reason I even get out of bed in teh morning. Any help is appreciated! Regards, MIKE_S Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 Well Mike, I did some research, and by the letter of Islam as it has historically been understood, it appears that the news is not good. If the roles were reversed and you were a woman and she was a Muslim man (since you are a Christian, and therefore fall under the category “People of the Book”, which includes Jews and Christians), the marriage would be permitted. The rationalization for this, according to the information I found (not that I agree with it), is two-fold. First, because Allah said so, and second, because the Muslim man is considered to be the stronger of the couple (not that I personally agree with that), and the woman generally the weaker. If that is true, it follows, that the man would therefore be in a better position in the marriage to enforce to precepts of Islam, and follow the Prophet’s message. A lot more information, can be found here: http://www.irfi.org/questions_answers/muslim_men_can_marry_nonmuslim.htm A Catholic (Jesuit, actually) perspective on interfaith Muslim-Christian marriages, and a description of a meeting held between people in your situation to help them to deal with it, can be found here: http://puffin.creighton.edu/jesuit/dialogue/documents/articles/when_muslims_and_christians_marry.html If you believe this is unfair, I agree with you personally, but it is her religion, and what she apparently believes. Note that people do not always do 100% of what their religion prescribes, and that she may be willing to recognize the inherent inequity in the above, and bend. Note also that explaining to her in great detail how one very strict view her religion forbids your relationship may not be the best course of action – I simply wanted you to know, since it sounds from what you have said that her parents are very conservative, so that you have some idea of what you will eventually, probably, be up against. Don’t give up hope though, there are some “loopholes”, which that first website explains as well. Some Muslims apparently believe if your character is good enough, that there should be a concession made to women’s rights, to allow them to marry “People of the Book”, and that this is simply a new interpretation of the Prophet’s teachings. There are a couple other loopholes too, which you can read for yourself. There may be others as well, and I would encourage you to do your own research. Ever reference I could find, however, does refer to the children being raised as good Muslims, which is something you need to decide if you can deal with. I wish you the best of luck. Love is worth fighting for, and perhaps if you express an interest in Islam (without necessarily fully converting – that would not be true to yourself and your beliefs), you could reason with them. Learn about Islam, read the Holy Quran, and explain that it is important for you to understand the Prophet’s message, that you respect it, that you would never want to change her beliefs, that you love her for who she is, and that includes her faith in Islam, and make clear that you understand that it contains truth if you really feel that way (and most religions do contain some truth, so that wouldn’t be a lie, even if you disagree with a lot of the teachings). I hope this is of some help, and remember, true love is always worth fighting for. Link to post Share on other sites
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