Why is my ex gf (who broke up with me) still trying to be my friend???

[ChuckDee33]

Ok, here goes. I met my ex gf right before I graduated college. I was 22, she was 18. We fell in love really hard and this was my first serious relationship. Her longest was maybe 4 or 5 months. I wanted to be with her so much that I ended up moving to the town were she goes to school a few months after I graduated. About a year and a half later she broke up with me. That was back in August of last year. So it's been seven months now. In that time I've gone through what I can only describe as a personal hell for the better part of half a year. She said she just doesn't want a romantic relationship with me in her life right now and that she doesn't love me "like that" anymore. Granted, it was my first foray into a serious relationship so I made some mistakes along the way and so did she. From the time we committed to being serious until it ended we were both faithful to each other though. Now i'm 25 and she isn't even 21 yet...I don't know what to think about the real motives behind her decision. Maybe she feels she needs to experience other things with other people. Maybe she got tired of all the fighting (we fought over stupid things a lot). Maybe she really doesn't love me anymore and all the stuff she said about loving me forever is just a bunch of BS.

 

Here's the kicker. She started seeing another guy late last year and she told me a couple of months ago that she committed to a serious relationship with him. Well, needless to say this broke my heart all over again and I went through another cycle of depression and resentment. Even though she says she isn't in love it still hurts like hell. I kind of dated this girl for a month and a half too but it was totally a rebound on my part and I'm sure she and my ex knew that whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not. She turned out to be a beeotch anyway and I regret ever getting involved as it was just akin to putting a bandaid on a gaping wound. Anyway, now the girl I love deeply is still in this relationship with this guy who I know almost nothing about and frankly I don't want to know.

 

I've just been blinded by heartache for way too long. I was thinking with my heart and not with my head. But now I've had enough pain and I want to get her out of my life. The problem is this: she still calls me once a week or so or randomly shows up at my door. Before, my heart was feeding off this and I told myself I can't wait till I see her again or she calls me. But now I feel better when I don't see her or I don't speak to her. She says she worries about me and hates to see me like this. Is she calling me because she feels sorry for me or is she checking up on me because she still wants to know what I'm doing or where I've been going? Maybe I'm wrong but isn't it true that when a girl breaks up with a guy and then commits to a serious relationship with another guy... doesn't that mean she isn't in love with him and she wants him out of her life?

 

I was stupid and thought I could keep her in my life as a friend but the sad truth is that is just not possible. I mean, when we do speak there is no normalcy to the conversation, no life, no happiness. Why is she trying to maintain some kind of quasi-friendship with me when she knows how tore up I am about all this? I understand she cares about me and all that but damn, it's like she's just poking at my heart whenever I see or speak to her. She just has gotten so used to how I've been since she left me that it's normal for her now to expect to see or hear me all down.

 

I've started to snap out of the way I've been lately, crying out of the blue and calling her and wanting her to come over. It was ridiculous when I think about it. Seven months of ruining my life and for what? I know I had to go through it but I'm tired of putting myself through it anymore. I love her very much, even if she doesn't love me and she knows that. I've done everything I can to show her what she means to me and my life, that we deserve a real second chance at finding our love again. But I can't change the way she feels or what she wants for herself. So now I've have chosen to stop seeing her altogether and I am about to tell her I don't want to speak to her either. It's easier for me when she is out of sight or sound.

 

I hate to tell her all or nothing but that's the only thing left to do at this point. She says she doesn't want me out of her life completely. But then why did she leave me and start a serious relationship with someone else when she knows how I feel about her? She can't keep tearing my heart into pieces and expect me to find some middle ground where we are in each other's lives. It took a long hard time for me to realize it but it just doesn't work that way.

 

I think if she really honestly feels in accordance to her actions that she would have just left me for real rather than try to make herself not seem like that person who ripped out my heart, threw it in the blender and hit frappe. What is she doing and why is she doing this? How can she still care for me so much and worry about me and what I'm doing but not love me? How can she expect me to keep taking the hurt while she moves on with her new, happy life? I tired of being loving and nice when nothing changes. I'm gonna tell her either take a leap of faith and give us a real second chance or accept the fact that I am removing myself from her life for my own mental stability and emotional well-being. I love her and miss her every day but enough is enough.

 

Any advice at all?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by ChuckDee33

What is she doing and why is she doing this? How can she still care for me so much and worry about me and what I'm doing but not love me? How can she expect me to keep taking the hurt while she moves on with her new, happy life? I tired of being loving and nice when nothing changes. I'm gonna tell her either take a leap of faith and give us a real second chance or accept the fact that I am removing myself from her life for my own mental stability and emotional well-being. I love her and miss her every day but enough is enough.

 

yes, CHUCKDEE33, i have advice. this is a very common phenomenon with females. they have this thing about keeping their relationships good, their whole world revolves around relationships and taking care of these relationships.

 

don't be fooled. don't be friends with her and totallly extricate her from you life. you need to do this to move on fully. she is keeping you from moving on and finding someone else.

 

women love to know that a number of ex b/f are still running after them and are interested even after they themselves have moved on long ago. DON"T FALL INTO THAT TRAP MAN!!

 

don't feed her ego any more. take care of yourself first and above all be a man.