Author Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Except that these aren't the only options. Girls aren't just either boring, unattractive and withholding sex or attractive, interesting, and having sex quickly. He may well knock back a girl who is really hot and interesting who has sex with him early in favor of another girl who is also really hot and interesting who may wait awhile to have sex. Personally, I think it's nearly always a bad idea to have sex with a guy on the first or second time you are with them if you are looking for a relationship. Except the guy in question doesn't meet girls with my body type ( I was a swkmwear model because I'm extremelyy curvy yet slender) take an interest in him usually. I am being honest. I'm not that great but I'm pretty sure he doesn't hot and interesting girls regularly. Girls he gets tend to be ok but yeah. ... let's just say he seemed very happy with what he had gotten. This doesn't mean he felt anything for me beyond attraction though. He still texts me....he initiates texts. I'll agree to meet with him after Xmas if he still wants to re visit things. Although I'm definitely not counting on that happening. He probably isn't that into me. I don't think early sex ruined things although I would much prefer to establish that we have a genuine connection. I don't enjoy sex much without true feelings involved.
ascendotum Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I am carefree - what I am is confused, as I have always believed that men in general, when they are really into a girl, they wont rule her out if she has sex on date two. This thread isn't about this one guy - I will go on to date many more guys - this guy wont be it for me, about a 0.0000001% chance. I am carefree but at the same time I am clearly confused as why a guy would be stupid enough to assume that a girl is easy and will cheat on him due to early sex? Just seems like they are missing out on plenty of great girls like myself who are loyal. People in discussions about the opposite gender like to generalize all M or F because its easier to post without a bunch of exceptions or discussing sub types. It depends on the type of guy you sleep with on date 2 as to his attitude. The last guy you dated for a while, he seemed really chuffed he got some dates with a nice girl with a nice figure, who's keen on having fun with him. You were what he wanted and possibly a bit better than what he got in the past and he was not out dating around and having fun. Possibly a regular type average decent guy. If you were to go on a date with an especially good looking, who bragged about himself, was dirty flirty straight off, was a bit PUAish, was a little vague about his plans, and had been having a lot of fun with women, then sleeping with him on date 2, it would be a case of low investment mission accomplished. You were okay, but then so were the last 2 dozen women before and if he stopped at women 1 with that, he would have missed out on those other adventures. Date 3 or 5 would have made no difference. Some guys though looking for a gf might be put off with date 2 sex. If they feel the woman is not a stand out compared to their past exes or the women they don't have much trouble getting dates with, they might be more judgmental, especially if they get the feel the woman has been on lots of dates or had numerous flings/fwbs or she complains about jerks. If there is great chemistry for the guy and the woman was physically up his alley and he is not getting lots of offers or easy sex from other comparable women, then he wont throw away a good opportunity by getting judgmental on date 2 sex
todreaminblue Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Yes I am tired of having sex early, I want to do pretty much exactly what you outlined. I have tried early sex, it has worked in two long term R's, but truth be told, if I had gone on more dates with Andrew, I wouldn't have picked him for 2.5 years. Glad I had that relationship, it served me well and I learnt a lot from it but at this stage in life I am not looking to date a guy for that long just for the "experience" lol... I need to have proper dates a few times before getting physical as I really want to know if I could go somewhere potentially. Sex can hamper that process if done too early on..... Oh well if this guy deduces that I am easy from this one encounter it is his loss. I don't even know if this guy is worth the 4 hours distance since I don't know him at all beyond idle chit chat and a few personal revelations. Would have been nicer and more meaningful if I had held up and made sure we were going somewhere before sex. Next time I want to go on proper dates with the next guys. thats a positive goal leigh.......i really do hope you have those proper dates where you have a blast with a guy.....a blast where clothes stay on is refreshing ....and fun......smilin atcha...deb 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 People in discussions about the opposite gender like to generalize all M or F because its easier to post without a bunch of exceptions or discussing sub types. It depends on the type of guy you sleep with on date 2 as to his attitude. The last guy you dated for a while, he seemed really chuffed he got some dates with a nice girl with a nice figure, who's keen on having fun with him. You were what he wanted and possibly a bit better than what he got in the past and he was not out dating around and having fun. Possibly a regular type average decent guy. If you were to go on a date with an especially good looking, who bragged about himself, was dirty flirty straight off, was a bit PUAish, was a little vague about his plans, and had been having a lot of fun with women, then sleeping with him on date 2, it would be a case of low investment mission accomplished. You were okay, but then so were the last 2 dozen women before and if he stopped at women 1 with that, he would have missed out on those other adventures. Date 3 or 5 would have made no difference. Some guys though looking for a gf might be put off with date 2 sex. If they feel the woman is not a stand out compared to their past exes or the women they don't have much trouble getting dates with, they might be more judgmental, especially if they get the feel the woman has been on lots of dates or had numerous flings/fwbs or she complains about jerks. If there is great chemistry for the guy and the woman was physically up his alley and he is not getting lots of offers or easy sex from other comparable women, then he wont throw away a good opportunity by getting judgmental on date 2 sex So yeah, I go for men who seem delighted to have me based on my looks AND on our initial conversations..... This guy pointed me out to his friends before we even spoke based on my looks - and no I don't believe he does have girls who he is this attracted to, go up and start taking an interest in him. I don't think he is that into me - but because he doesn't get girls like me whom he is very attracted to approach him, he is going to text me and remain in contact because he simply hasn't had any better offers come along. The moment we met and started conversing, we had the sort of chemistry where we both wanted to start making out immediately (but didn't and waited a good hour or two). I can tell that he has not had this sort of instant lust and chemistry with other women, he mentioned once without me prompting him to, that he hadn't felt anything like this sort of attraction before. He also loves the idea of getting a girl with my body in the bedroom since he has never had a girl with my body type before (a swimwear model body type, curvy yet slim). So yeah, he will keep me around since he enjoys chatting to me and he loves the idea of having great sex - it is blatant to me that beyond the fact he enjoys chatting and loves my body and appearance, that there is nothing more to it. The question is: Yet, or at all? So far: No emotional connection whatsoever. That was the point of this thread! I wanted to know if just maybe it is TOO EARLY to determine if there is an emotional connection! He is a cute guy and I was instantly drawn to him and I felt instant fireworks sexually, but I can tell that the hot girls don't readily approach him, and he sure as hell doesn't do the approaching.
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 thats a positive goal leigh.......i really do hope you have those proper dates where you have a blast with a guy.....a blast where clothes stay on is refreshing ....and fun......smilin atcha...deb With this guy, he mentioned that he had problems finishing through sex - he said he takes ages to, and even more so due to his anti depression meds. I knew I would make him finish, as other guys who have had no issues lasting hours with other girls have finished quickly via me due to my small size. I guess I thought it would make him more interested, given I have great assets in the bedroom department. In actual fact, it has made him less interested than the week leading up to sex. We both built the sex up so much too - as we wanted each other to badly at he concert that we talked about it all during the week and then after....it sort of dawned on us that we couldn't really see each other due to the long distance. I saw him on a once off weekend usually cannot see guys on weekends as I work and travel for work. So yeah, I wont do it again it wasn't what I wanted it do be like.
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 So, past the instant sexual chemistry that we share, How long does it take to establish if anything more is there beyond the sexual lust? Some couples say it is instant they feel a true connection beyond just sex.
clia Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 So, past the instant sexual chemistry that we share, How long does it take to establish if anything more is there beyond the sexual lust? Some couples say it is instant they feel a true connection beyond just sex. It'll vary per couple, but I would say somewhere around the three month mark (where typically the "honeymoon period" goggles start to defog) is when you really start to get to know a person. 1
letmoc Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Do you ever consider that these men are lying to you to get sex? All this "I never met anybody as wonderful as you" could be a lie to get laid. I'm a woman and I have used that line myself.
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 (edited) Do you ever consider that these men are lying to you to get sex? All this "I never met anybody as wonderful as you" could be a lie to get laid. I'm a woman and I have used that line myself. No because I'm experienced enough to know if a guy is genuinely very attracted to me. I'm not woman guys go for where they think meh she will do. I made a lot of money from my body being a swim ware model and also in play boy ( yes naked but they only pick models who have very sexy bodies they do not just let anyone model in that mag) So I am apt at avoiding men who just aren't that attracted to me. I go for men who I am sure appreciate me in the looks department. I've been with men who just weren't that attracted to me so I definitely can tell the difference between a man who lies about it in order to get sex. and yeah generally the men who I date are those that are very much in admiration of my appearance. It's our job as women to find men who appreciate us. And our bodies. Some men don't enjoy curvy women like myself... Some men are turned off my breasts that are over a b cup. I'm nearing 30 and I don't waste time on men who aren't very attracted to me. Edited December 3, 2014 by Leigh 87
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 So I should see a guy for a few months before determining if anything solid is there, in terms of the emotional connection and the intellectual connection? I have learnt a big lesson; instant fireworks don't mean any more than sex. IT can JUST be sexual, those fireworks. I need to put aside the instant " wow" I get with a guy, where we have instant chemistry, and acknowledge that it could JUST BE ABOUT SEX. I am sure some men have the wow factor type of chemistry initially with "hot girls" they may be excited about initially, yet who they don't really like all that much outside the bedroom and where the intimacy is close to zero - which eventually detracts from sex since there are no feelings involved.
xxoo Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 So I should see a guy for a few months before determining if anything solid is there, in terms of the emotional connection and the intellectual connection? . . Yes. Don't rush things. Let attraction simmer a while and get to know each other.
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I have to really like a guy and feel there is potential for more in order for me to sleep with them - that isn't the definition of easy. Easy girls tend to sleep with whoever for the hell of it - they don't wait until they find a guy they genuinely like or see potential with. ????? what about the Croation guy, and a Chilean guy and some other nationalities you were having flings with a couple of weeks back? I don't care don't get me wrong!! But if you are going to contradict yourself from thread to thread nobody can believe you!
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I am carefree - what I am is confused, as I have always believed that men in general, when they are really into a girl, they wont rule her out if she has sex on date two. of course that's true, everybody knows that, if he's REALLY into you it won't matter as long as he didn't want a more chaste girl! But if he's NOT that into you even though you are not big boned (???? what's with that anyway?) and you think of yourself as "altruistic" and you have a "remarkable life" it doesn't matter, not one bit, if he isn't captivated. You might be just remarkable and small boned enough to have one fun sexy time with. Just try dating for a while without sex, save that for the Croatian or Chilean, and get to know guys first, see how that goes, it might be a good experience for you!
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 I didn't hook up with the guy from Chile. I met him again spent actual time with him and decided he wasn't relationship material. I DO get to know guys first before deciding if there could be potential.. Croatian is a FWB - I very much like him I have feelings but not enough to care that we cannot have something - he is going back to Croatia on the 2nd as his Visa was declined, which I knew could happen... I use FWB so that I don't crave or miss sex, so that I CAN do on dates with men that I actually feel potential with, and not want to jump into bed with them unless things are heading in a serious direction. I messed up and skipped the getting to know you bit with the last most recent guy though I admit.
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 of course that's true, everybody knows that, if he's REALLY into you it won't matter as long as he didn't want a more chaste girl! But if he's NOT that into you even though you are not big boned (???? what's with that anyway?) and you think of yourself as "altruistic" and you have a "remarkable life" it doesn't matter, not one bit, if he isn't captivated. You might be just remarkable and small boned enough to have one fun sexy time with. Just try dating for a while without sex, save that for the Croatian or Chilean, and get to know guys first, see how that goes, it might be a good experience for you! And I do know that he experienced the instant fire works of physical chemistry and it wasn't just me imagining it was mutual. He also thinks I am a cool girl to chat to. That is probably about it. However, he does initiate texts every day with me so I will be open to meeting him if he suggests it. I assume he isn't that into me beyond the explosive physical chemistry we both share. He is welcome to prove me wrong and ask to meet with me upon the next available opportunity that he isn't busy. Usually I would assume he is just not that into me - There is 5% of me that thinks though... " well we don't know each other, he may just genuinely need to get to know a girl before officially asking to date them and lock them down from other men" .................................. When my friend met her fiancé, they had instant chemistry and he fell hard for her, all of her and not just the fire works generated by physical chemistry, from day one. He was super into her from day one and they live nearly 2 hours away. He is also a very mushy guy which she likes, when it comes to expressing his feelings. ..................................... This current guy lives 4 hours away, has kids and commitments like band practice and taking his son to basket ball once per week. Yes he was super into me after day one but after we met again, although he initiates texts daily, he is not trying to claim me as his the way my friends fiancé did, and he is being more pragmatic about it. He figures and I figure; we don't know one another from our two meetings, we didn't get to chat and hang out properly and it is too soon to tell if anything remarkable is there. He has said that he agrees with me - that he wants it all - the instant fire works, high sexual chemistry and natural attraction, and with a woman who he has a deeper connection with. I am not sure if all men work the way my friends fiancé does - when they meet "the one", maybe not all men jump in head first the way my friends fiancé did.... .................................................... For the time being, I am assuming he just isn't that into me ...... in spite of his daily texts he will initiate if I don't. One day he will sent the first text, the next day I will sort of thing. It is 50/50 with initiation of texts.. I always assume a guy isn't into me until they prove me wrong. I have had some guys so far make it blazingly obvious that they were very much into me from day one, however; they were sort of desperate.
ScreaminEagle Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Hey guys... Yeah I have put this guy yet again into the " intense sexual chemistry ONLY" basket. This happened a couple of times to me... I don't think it is just me that mistakenly feels there could be a genuine connection; I do believe in this instance, the guy did feel the wow factor too ( his actions in the first week showed it, just the way he texted me and the things he said). He has proven through his actions that he doesn't care about me at this stage. He asked how I was yesterday, I told him " oh, well I found out my friends dad was killed and my ex is still trying to harass me.. so I am just getting over all of this and hoping to feel better early in the week " He went silent. So I texted again saying " ok, sorry if that was a bit intense for you, we only just met after all and I get if that made you feel uneasy". He then responded with " yeah it did made me feel uneasy". So there you go - he doesn't care or have any emotional connection with me, and it was purely sex driven. I do think he genuinely thought there could have been more to it than just the intense sexual attraction though. Oh well NEXT! ...................................................... Initially I wasn't sure where I stood - the day after, I texted him and told him that although we live far apart, I was still excited to catch up with him and see him when possible. He said " I agree !!!" We haven't officially called things off but I can tell that he doesn't care for me or have much of an emotional connection for me. The whole point of this lesson is: I need to wait until I feel comfortable to have sex. I pretty much just do it because it is "there" and for something to do. Before hand I had a very strong conviction of wanting to wait until him and I had gotten to know one another better. Maybe your approach to telling him and expecting him to be your emotional tampon turned him off. Stop playing victim here. Maybe you ruined the chances of him having an emotional connection for you. Should the thread title be how long till I open my legs ?
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 Maybe your approach to telling him and expecting him to be your emotional tampon turned him off. Stop playing victim here. Maybe you ruined the chances of him having an emotional connection for you. Should the thread title be how long till I open my legs ? Very funny. I don't open my legs to just any guy unless I feel a connection and like it could go somewhere. Plenty of dates with attractive men, and I rarely open my legs or even kiss them unless I feel something pretty major in terms of chemistry and potential.
Million.to.1 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Except the guy in question doesn't meet girls with my body type ( I was a swkmwear model because I'm extremelyy curvy yet slender) take an interest in him usually. I am being honest. I'm not that great but I'm pretty sure he doesn't hot and interesting girls regularly. Girls he gets tend to be ok but yeah. ... I go for men who seem delighted to have me based on my looks . He also loves the idea of getting a girl with my body in the bedroom since he has never had a girl with my body type before (a swimwear model body type, curvy yet slim). I made a lot of money from my body being a swim ware model and also in play boy ( yes naked but they only pick models who have very sexy bodies they do not just let anyone model in that mag) I think I may have seen some of your modelling Leigh! Have you ever done any modelling for life drawing or had a statue figurine based from your modelling? anything... artsy? Oh, it would be amazing to be immortalised forever as a young hot f*#kable thing.
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 I think I may have seen some of your modelling Leigh! Have you ever done any modelling for life drawing or had a statue figurine based from your modelling? anything... artsy? Oh, it would be amazing to be immortalised forever as a young hot f*#kable thing. Yes I did life drawing.... as you know, unless you are a super model which I was clearly NOT, you have to spread your wings rather wide in order to model full time. I had to do things life drawing for little money, playboy mag and swimwear all in the one go since I wasn't truly beautiful enough to make a living from ONE form of modelling - only the 2% of models get that far.
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 But look my whole thing is - I don't want to settle down nor do I want kids. And so... I can afford to wait for the passion filled first glance, where there is instant chemistry and fire works! And yes that includes intense instant attraction, which as I have highlighted, has definitely happened with this latest fling. It is clearly not any more than that, otherwise he would have likely felt something more for me by now! In spite of the distance, I am sure if he met a woman who knocked his socks off, he would make it work and want to delegate ALL his free days to trying to fit in a date with her.
Million.to.1 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Yes I did life drawing.... as you know, unless you are a super model which I was clearly NOT, you have to spread your wings rather wide in order to model full time. I had to do things life drawing for little money, playboy mag and swimwear all in the one go since I wasn't truly beautiful enough to make a living from ONE form of modelling - only the 2% of models get that far. OMG! - That totally makes sense!
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 OMG! - That totally makes sense! Right so you are speaking to me as though I am ditzy. I did finish in the top 8% in my country for college entry marks so I am not stupid. I did well in school and all so yeah, the majority of conversations with men surround my interests and new things I learn. I am talking about the main thing this guy was into - my body. While I think he thought I was cool to talk to that is it.
Author Leigh 87 Posted December 3, 2014 Author Posted December 3, 2014 LOL and yeah I do go for men who are over weight and who I am attracted to but who I know are not considered hot to most people. You know, I never ever go for men who have a great body and who work out a lot and who have a nice face and who are successful as I know that people like that don't consider me to be attractive. I tried joining that beautiful people dating site and as it turns out, beautiful people find me unattractive hence why I am VERY careful to go for men who I find hot yet who other people don't. Those are the men who find me to be attractive. I do think I go within my league but I probably have to realise that even men who aren't considered attractive, likely will also still say they are attracted to me in order to get sex. I guess I did rate myself too highly, I am definitely a decent 6/10, NOT a 7 or anything that will have men smitten with me upon first glance!
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