How Long Does It Take

[todreaminblue]

hey leigh, i am happy that you met someone you like....you do like him dont you?

 

it is possible to feel chemistry on first meeting doesnt mean you have to go through with the experimenting in sex.......you can do a hypothesis instead.....get to know him do some research .....dont draw a conclusion too early...but experiment instead by doing quirky dates......multiple opportunities to test theories and rationalize equations that just might work...chemistry is fun.....you dont have to build the bomb on the first day....build up a reportoire of fun....good times many laughs..stolen sweet kisses......and sparks on holding hands..and the chemistry that you build on that first meeting might be a renewable source...that keeps on giving.....rather than a bomb that detonates ......with sperm release.....ok kidding on the sperm ....everything else i wrote is legit..i really hope it works for you and you find peace............deb

[Leigh 87]

A guy who is into you for more then sex wont try to have it the very first day you meet and if you give it up that day they more then likely wont view you as potential GF material im sorry Leigh but ive seen guys themselves agree with me on that right here on LS...

 

 

He didn't try to do anything the day we met.. we just made out and talked the entire night.

 

We waited a week. He didn't pressure me into sex. I wanted it.

 

Who knows what he wanted? He may well have wanted to know me for more than just sex. My gut feeling says that he wanted to see where things went with us. He found me very attractive and to be a cool girl to talk to, so why not?

 

I am gf material - I have a track record of being loyal to men for years at a time and I have never cheated.

 

I also need to see potential with a guy and really like them to sleep with them - I don't sleep with just anyone.

 

Why on earth would someone assume that I am not gf material? early sex is not a good indicator of how easy a girl is and how likely she is to be disloyal?

 

Some women like me a very loyal and are selective with who they sleep with (has to be a connection and there has to be potential for the me), but we just live and let live a little.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh you basically had a one night stand with a guy who you just met, nothing wrong with that but it's not likely to pave the way to a relationship! and you probably did make him beat a hasty retreat with your pressurizing, you keep saying stuff like "we both want bla bla bla" and there is NO WAY you know anything about what this guy really wants, you don't know him! And this thing about being more attractive than his exes, that is just WEIRD for him to tell you, were you badgering him about that? and even more weird for you to be posting here! Anyway, if you want it to be "revisited" I hope it is for your sake but I'm thinking it's not! Also - having sex to see if you're sexually compatible enough for dating is backwards.

 

 

Well I go for guys who think I am attractive I don't go for the guys who usually date the prettiest girls.

 

Why wouldn't he revisit things? We got along well enough and he was very attracted?

 

I will likely be dating someone by the time he wants to revisit things, and he may very well meet someone closer to him in his area, although we both have confessed that it is very rare to meet someone where you have fire works and a wow factor like we did, and then for it to actually amount to anything more than just sex.

 

We both seemed to feel that it is hard to find someone remarkable enough to date seriously - but he has stressed that he wants to see where it goes.

 

He has initiated texts even after we had the talk about it being too long of a distance and having to re visit it after X mas.

[Leigh 87]

I simply believe it is what he says it is.

 

I think we met, we both felt all excited, I believe him when he said he hadn't felt anything like that in a very long while since his exes were big boned woman (he prefers my slimmer body type) and he has made it clear that he felt an insane instant attraction towards me - those are the guys I pick, NOT the guys who are "meh" about my looks.

 

I genuinely do know how to pick the men who are smitten by my looks -plenty of men are not that attracted to me, and I avoid them and go after men who really appreciate me in that department.

 

Then we realised that we live 4 hours away so will have to meet up properly and spend actual time together before deciding if we feel enough to date and spend the 4 hour commute in order to see one another on a more regular basis.

 

I even messed up by revealing too much to him on that one occasion, and he still initiates texts before I text him.

 

I think it is quite normal what has happened - we are being level headed and not starting something until we actually know each other beyond the bedroom acrobatics.

 

 

 

 

 

Don't forget that I have had two long term R's with men who I had early sex with... if a guy likes you, he likes you. Irrespective of when you have sex.....

[Rejected Rosebud]

I guess we'll see then won't we! But you know as well as I do that if it was really happening with you two it wouldn't be talk of "revisiting" it all after Christmas it would be like, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, right? Also of course early sex is an indicator of how easy a girl is, I am not saying there is anything wrong with it and even if that was the only time you ever did that in your life the guy just thinks it was easy! because that was his experience. I know people get together all the time after having sex early but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

[Leigh 87]

I guess we'll see then won't we! But you know as well as I do that if it was really happening with you two it wouldn't be talk of "revisiting" it all after Christmas it would be like, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, right? Also of course early sex is an indicator of how easy a girl is, I am not saying there is anything wrong with it and even if that was the only time you ever did that in your life the guy just thinks it was easy! because that was his experience. I know people get together all the time after having sex early but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

 

 

 

I am not easy. I prefer relationships and am very satisfied with long term monogamy.

 

I have to really like a guy and feel there is potential for more in order for me to sleep with them - that isn't the definition of easy.

 

Easy girls tend to sleep with whoever for the hell of it - they don't wait until they find a guy they genuinely like or see potential with.

 

I have had to fend plenty of guys off - guys I wasn't feeling it with after a few dates, who wanted to fool around and even though they were decent quality men, I wouldn't let them so much as touch me.

 

I cannot sleep with men I don't have feelings for and who I don't really like or feel excited about.

 

Plenty of guys out there will attest to me not being easy - they have tried and tried, they have been decent looking guys with good jobs and not losers - and in spite of nothing being wrong with them, I have been cold to plenty of men who have tried to hook up with me.

[Leigh 87]

After our first meeting he was like : I cannot wait to see you again.

 

I have no idea how he feels I don't know the guy beyond having great chemistry with him in the bedroom?

 

All I know is that he wants to keep in daily contact and he texts me.

 

Time will tell - am going to date other guys and will prob encounter another few guys I feel decent chemistry with before we even think about "revisiting" things.

 

We live 4 hours away and met twice in our lives, and didn't get to spend much one on one time together. Not enough to deduce whether or not we are into one another beyond sex.

 

Who knows what he thinks? He is just a guy who I had great fire works with upon first glance - we all know that this doesn't mean anything until you spent time together...

 

I am the first person to admit " well he just aint all that into me"

 

In this instance, I know he was into the idea of me initially, but now I have no idea how he feels and won't for a while.

 

I just don't believe that all men declare how excited they are about a girl they met just twice?

 

Not all men express their feelings in this manner - they don't know a girl and therefore they don't act like they excitedly dating them, especially when they live 4 hours way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think this guy was very much into my looks and our chemistry, but I don't think he is that into ME, on a personal level - but I am not sure, I could be wrong.

[TigerLilly78]

 

We waited a week. He didn't pressure me into sex. I wanted it.

 

He found me very attractive and to be a cool girl to talk to, so why not?

 

I am gf material - I have a track record of being loyal to men for years at a time and I have never cheated.

 

 

Why on earth would someone assume that I am not gf material? early sex is not a good indicator of how easy a girl is and how likely she is to be disloyal?

 

.

A week is still kinda on the quicker side if you want to be considered as a serious GF for a lot of men. and I was under the impression this guy was a ONS as another poster has said sorry if I had that wrong. "He found you a cool girl to talk to so why not"?..im not even going to get into that one wouldn't know were to start.. moving along it doesn't matter if YOU think you are good GF material people and in this case alot of men will not thats just life.

 

We are some times judged by our actions and end up putting ourselves into categories we don't even realize we are..Why on earth would anyone assume anything? but they do.. And this time its more prevalent of a assumption then you seam to think..im kind of hoping maybe some of the guys will be honest with you here cause I know I have seen them agree on this before.

 

Basically the girl who gives it up easy is the ONS girl the booty call the one who doesn't and makes a guy wait is the possible GF material. Hell even my own current BF told me this. And yes it is also a unfair double standard as men can pretty much do as they please and get a pat on the back.

 

But all that said this is something to think about when you wonder why men only seam to sleep with you and not go further even the ones who you think are so "grateful" to be with you will prob still not make you their GF if you sleep with them far to early on.

 

 

Basically if you want men to take you seriously then you have to take yourself seriously first and make them wait to be with you in that way belive me it will weed out the ones who were not worth the heartache in the 1st place and make the ones who are want you that much more..im not saying you have to wait years or nothing but when you meet the right guy this will work..

[Leigh 87]

hey leigh, i am happy that you met someone you like....you do like him dont you?

 

it is possible to feel chemistry on first meeting doesnt mean you have to go through with the experimenting in sex.......you can do a hypothesis instead.....get to know him do some research .....dont draw a conclusion too early...but experiment instead by doing quirky dates......multiple opportunities to test theories and rationalize equations that just might work...chemistry is fun.....you dont have to build the bomb on the first day....build up a reportoire of fun....good times many laughs..stolen sweet kisses......and sparks on holding hands..and the chemistry that you build on that first meeting might be a renewable source...that keeps on giving.....rather than a bomb that detonates ......with sperm release.....ok kidding on the sperm ....everything else i wrote is legit..i really hope it works for you and you find peace............deb

 

 

Yes I am tired of having sex early, I want to do pretty much exactly what you outlined.

 

I have tried early sex, it has worked in two long term R's, but truth be told, if I had gone on more dates with Andrew, I wouldn't have picked him for 2.5 years. Glad I had that relationship, it served me well and I learnt a lot from it but at this stage in life I am not looking to date a guy for that long just for the "experience" lol...

 

I need to have proper dates a few times before getting physical as I really want to know if I could go somewhere potentially. Sex can hamper that process if done too early on.....

 

Oh well if this guy deduces that I am easy from this one encounter it is his loss.

 

I don't even know if this guy is worth the 4 hours distance since I don't know him at all beyond idle chit chat and a few personal revelations.

 

Would have been nicer and more meaningful if I had held up and made sure we were going somewhere before sex.

 

Next time I want to go on proper dates with the next guys.

[Leigh 87]

A week is still kinda on the quicker side if you want to be considered as a serious GF for a lot of men. and I was under the impression this guy was a ONS as another poster has said sorry if I had that wrong. "He found you a cool girl to talk to so why not"?..im not even going to get into that one wouldn't know were to start.. moving along it doesn't matter if YOU think you are good GF material people and in this case alot of men will not thats just life.

 

We are some times judged by our actions and end up putting ourselves into categories we don't even realize we are..Why on earth would anyone assume anything? but they do.. And this time its more prevalent of a assumption then you seam to think..im kind of hoping maybe some of the guys will be honest with you here cause I know I have seen them agree on this before.

 

Basically the girl who gives it up easy is the ONS girl the booty call the one who doesn't and makes a guy wait is the possible GF material. Hell even my own current BF told me this. And yes it is also a unfair double standard as men can pretty much do as they please and get a pat on the back.

 

But all that said this is something to think about when you wonder why men only seam to sleep with you and not go further even the ones who you think are so "grateful" to be with you will prob still not make you their GF if you sleep with them far to early on.

 

 

Basically if you want men to take you seriously then you have to take yourself seriously first and make them wait to be with you in that way belive me it will weed out the ones who were not worth the heartache in the 1st place and make the ones who are want you that much more..im not saying you have to wait years or nothing but when you meet the right guy this will work..

 

 

 

Yeah I agree with you. Sex without meaning and without knowing where I am going with a guy isn't enjoyable - we had great sexual chemistry but without meaning it feels hollow.

 

I do think I need to date properly before we get into the bedroom in future. Not this guy, other guys I date.

 

I know I am gf material, I am awesome fun, I talk about a wide array of topics, I enjoy intellectual discussions and debates AND I am attractive to many guys. I have lived overseas and travelled a lot and have had a very interesting life.

 

I just figured that sex early on wouldn't change all that ^^^^^

 

But in the same vein, the men who aren't into me for MORE than just sex will give up and stop showing interest if I hold out for sex and demanded to be treated like I am worth more than sex.

 

I will definitely not be sleeping with the next guy I am into until we establish where things are going.

 

Yes, my friend slept with her partner early on and they are still head over heels for one another! That is RARE though.

[Leigh 87]

My theory towards early sex goes as follows..

 

So, if a girl is sort of boring, has not lead a remarkable life and just isn't all that inspiring ( she isn't into altruism, she is not fun or exciting, she just goes about her daily business and isn't a positive or happy person who takes the time to smell the roses).

 

If this boring and "meh" candidate who was average in the look department held out for sex, and then I came along, the guy was way more attracted to me and found me to be more interesting to converse with than said boring girl -

 

WHY would a guy come to the conclusion of " well, the second girl is more attractive and interesting but hey, she had sex early so the first plain Jane who was sort of boring will be the girl I date since she is "gf material".

 

I believe GF material is based on the level of interest the guy has for you - which comes down to how they enjoy talking to you and how attracted they are!

 

A guy isn't going to knock back a girl they think is really hot AND who is an interesting girl who they enjoy talking to a lot, over a girl who may withhold sex for longer, but who is boring and less attractive.

 

This guy said he is looking for a girl he is really attracted to and where he feels an instant connection, not someone he has to take "time" to like and feel super attracted to.

 

After all that is said and done though, I am going to hold out from early sex in future simply because it has only lead to me dating men who were wrong for me and I want to try doing things differently since early sex has NEVER lead to an ideal match for me.

[Leigh 87]

My recent ex I slept with after date two, and he ended up to be crazy about me, he loved me more than any other guy ever has.

 

The thing is, after a few months, I realised I just wasn't that into him as a person and the chemistry wasn't right for me.

 

If I had held out on sex and dated him for a few months (making out but no sex) then I would have realised that he wasn't the guy for me and I wouldn't have embarked on a relationship with him to begin with if I actually knew him well.

 

Early sex sort of led to us having fun and getting into a relationship sooner, and although HE adored ME, I wasn't feeling it with him months down the track.

[TigerLilly78]

Your contradicting yourself left and right Leigh and yes they will pick the less attractive one alot of them would Ide think why? cause well if he can bed you that easy whats to stop you from bedding another man just as quickly maybe even a friend of his never know.

 

Mean while he can have the less attractive one and not have to possibialy deal with that but in the mean time he can also have the ones who sleep around as well on the side maybe I mean why not they are willing yet I got the "good girl" at home and I know she is loyal and not quick to sleep around you see what im saying? this is how some men will think..

 

Then you will also just get the ones who dont want to even remotely take the chance of getting cheated on and they are tired of easy women no matter how awesome they seam so again yes they will choose her...

[Leigh 87]

Your contradicting yourself left and right Leigh and yes they will pick the less attractive one alot of them would Ide think why? cause well if he can bed you that easy whats to stop you from bedding another man just as quickly maybe even a friend of his never know.

 

Mean while he can have the less attractive one and not have to possibialy deal with that but in the mean time he can also have the ones who sleep around as well on the side maybe I mean why not they are willing yet I got the "good girl" at home and I know she is loyal and not quick to sleep around you see what im saying? this is how some men will think..

 

Then you will also just get the ones who dont want to even remotely take the chance of getting cheated on and they are tired of easy women no matter how awesome they seam so again yes they will choose her...

 

 

Except I am nothing but a loyal and honourable woman.

 

I am the one who has been in long term relationships and never once cheated?

 

They are the idiots sorry if they ASSUME I will just sleep around on a partner, even though they have absolutely no idea about how loyal of a woman I am.

[TigerLilly78]

Except I am nothing but a loyal and honourable woman.

 

I am the one who has been in long term relationships and never once cheated?

 

They are the idiots sorry if they ASSUME I will just sleep around on a partner, even though they have absolutely no idea about how loyal of a woman I am.

 

Well then go a head and keep going as you are and dig your heels in what ever floats your boat Leigh. I gave you the facts as I see and know them from what other men have said themselves. But by all means continue how your doing things it matters not to me I have a happy relashionship im just trying to help you. but next time you wonder why remember this as a viable and quite possible answer to that question...

[Leigh 87]

Well then go a head and keep going as you are and dig your heels in what ever floats your boat Leigh. I gave you the facts as I see and know them from what other men have said themselves. But by all means continue how your doing things it matters not to me I have a happy relashionship im just trying to help you. but next time you wonder why remember this as a viable and quite possible answer to that question...

 

 

 

I could have a very happy relationship too with plenty of guys around me but I am just not into them even though they would be loyal and loving towards me. I choose to be single. It is a choice. I want fire works and instant sparks, not a person I am "meh" about but stick with him just cos he is a loyal and loving man.

 

I am still going to refrain from early sex for a few reasons, but I still don't believe that a guy who was truly into me would rule me out due to early sex.

 

A guy who wasn't that into me would rule me out sure, I get that, but I happen to think guys who rule a girl out due to early sex are idiots.

 

I know guys do it - I am saying that are idiots - case in point, I am very loyal in relationships, I think it is disgusting to cheat on a person.

 

So, they would be ruling out a great girl like myself who is ultra loyal and loving for years on end and has a track record of being loyal.

 

Yes I know guys do it but they are stupid for assuming they know a person simply because they have sex early.

[snowflakes88]

I could have a very happy relationship too with plenty of guys around me but I am just not into them even though they would be loyal and loving towards me. I choose to be single. It is a choice. I want fire works and instant sparks, not a person I am "meh" about but stick with him just cos he is a loyal and loving man.

 

I am still going to refrain from early sex for a few reasons, but I still don't believe that a guy who was truly into me would rule me out due to early sex.

 

A guy who wasn't that into me would rule me out sure, I get that, but I happen to think guys who rule a girl out due to early sex are idiots.

 

I know guys do it - I am saying that are idiots - case in point, I am very loyal in relationships, I think it is disgusting to cheat on a person.

 

So, they would be ruling out a great girl like myself who is ultra loyal and loving for years on end and has a track record of being loyal.

 

Yes I know guys do it but they are stupid for assuming they know a person simply because they have sex early.

 

It might not be "fair" for them to assume you are easy, but it happens. Frequently. You can argue why it doesn't make sense or how it makes those guys idiots until you're blue in the face, but that doesn't change that many, many men will perceive you as easy if you jump right into bed. And if you were truly as carefree about having sex early on as you keep trying to convince us, you wouldn't keep posting back to back obsessing over what men think about it and why.

[TigerLilly78]

I could have a very happy relationship too with plenty of guys around me but I am just not into them even though they would be loyal and loving towards me. I choose to be single. It is a choice. I want fire works and instant sparks, not a person I am "meh" about but stick with him just cos he is a loyal and loving man.

 

.

Getting past the sex part as ive made my point clear on that wither or not you choose to take it on board or rule out the majority of men on the fact they are being "mean" and just don't know you is up to you at this point..

 

So yes moving on so you want "instant sparks" but yet ive thought I herd you say you had that with a recent ex and then things fizzled? adult long term relationships will not have that constant spark it takes work on both ends to maintain it.

 

And believe it or not some times you can find it with a person who you thought it wasn't even their with to start off it can develop as you get to know the person more over time..

[Leigh 87]

Getting past the sex part as ive made my point clear on that wither or not you choose to take it on board or rule out the majority of men on the fact they are being "mean" and just don't know you is up to you at this point..

 

So yes moving on so you want "instant sparks" but yet ive thought I herd you say you had that with a recent ex and then things fizzled? adult long term relationships will not have that constant spark it takes work on both ends to maintain it.

 

And believe it or not some times you can find it with a person who you thought it wasn't even their with to start off it can develop as you get to know the person more over time..

 

 

Except I know I can meet men who think I am gorgeous upon first glance and where we will both feel the mutual "wow" factor.

 

My friend had instant intense chemistry and made out with her fiancé immediately upon meeting and they are still together.

 

And guess what? They have a way more passionate relationship than most couples! They had the instant and natural urge to rip each others clothes off on day one from moment one - and they are still passionate and also happen to be best friends.

 

I can get what she has so.... I don't need a relationship or kids and therefore I don't need to date men I don't feel sparks for.

[Leigh 87]

It might not be "fair" for them to assume you are easy, but it happens. Frequently. You can argue why it doesn't make sense or how it makes those guys idiots until you're blue in the face, but that doesn't change that many, many men will perceive you as easy if you jump right into bed. And if you were truly as carefree about having sex early on as you keep trying to convince us, you wouldn't keep posting back to back obsessing over what men think about it and why.

 

 

 

I am carefree - what I am is confused, as I have always believed that men in general, when they are really into a girl, they wont rule her out if she has sex on date two.

 

This thread isn't about this one guy - I will go on to date many more guys - this guy wont be it for me, about a 0.0000001% chance.

 

I am carefree but at the same time I am clearly confused as why a guy would be stupid enough to assume that a girl is easy and will cheat on him due to early sex?

 

Just seems like they are missing out on plenty of great girls like myself who are loyal.

[snowflakes88]

I am carefree - what I am is confused, as I have always believed that men in general, when they are really into a girl, they wont rule her out if she has sex on date two.

 

This thread isn't about this one guy - I will go on to date many more guys - this guy wont be it for me, about a 0.0000001% chance.

 

I am carefree but at the same time I am clearly confused as why a guy would be stupid enough to assume that a girl is easy and will cheat on him due to early sex?

 

Just seems like they are missing out on plenty of great girls like myself who are loyal.

 

Sure, they probably are missing out on plenty of great girls. There are lots of women who have sex early on, tell the guy "I don't usually do this kind of thing" -- and mean it. The problem with that is that the guy doesn't know you well enough to know that you really *don't* usually do that kind of thing, that you're loyal, long-term material, etc. Because after all, it's very early on, and those are personality traits that reveal themselves over time spent getting to know you. All he knows is that you hopped right into bed with him without knowing him very well, which leads him to assume you likely do the same with other men.

 

And yes, there are rare cases where things work out despite having sex before you really get to know each other -- but many, many, many more cases where they do not. If you're interested in a long-term relationship, it makes more sense to err on the side of caution than to jump right in and hope against hope you wind up the exception to the rule.

[Leigh 87]

Sure, they probably are missing out on plenty of great girls. There are lots of women who have sex early on, tell the guy "I don't usually do this kind of thing" -- and mean it. The problem with that is that the guy doesn't know you well enough to know that you really *don't* usually do that kind of thing, that you're loyal, long-term material, etc. Because after all, it's very early on, and those are personality traits that reveal themselves over time spent getting to know you. All he knows is that you hopped right into bed with him without knowing him very well, which leads him to assume you likely do the same with other men.

 

And yes, there are rare cases where things work out despite having sex before you really get to know each other -- but many, many, many more cases where they do not. If you're interested in a long-term relationship, it makes more sense to err on the side of caution than to jump right in and hope against hope you wind up the exception to the rule.

 

 

Trust me I am going to refrain from early sex and I have always wanted to but we had super strong sexual chemistry and I worked locally near his place that Sunday so staying with him was the only option.

 

I think guys are stupid for judging a girl when the girl could be loyal, wife material.

 

I am still going to get to know a guy next time and not put myself in the position of being in his bedroom again after only a week of meeting him.

[Divasu]

Don't forget that I have had two long term R's with men who I had early sex with... if a guy likes you, he likes you. Irrespective of when you have sex.....

 

So your thought process is...what, exactly?

 

That if you sleep with men early on, eventually one will develop into a relationship? Because, it had in the past? Sure, I mean, you could go by statistics... Sleep with tons of men, and perhaps one will stick.

 

I think you will continue to sell yourself short in the process, though, that is merely an observation on my part. Why do I think that? Well, because here you are, questioning yourself. Again...

 

Your other thread, you question the last guy's motives. Yet in the next breath, you say you don't care. So, which is it? By the way, sleeping with a man, is not a form of self-validation. You need no one to achieve that, learn to validate yourself, and believe in yourself. Stop engaging in these self-defeating behaviors. You'll have no one to blame but yourself. Do you enjoy punishing yourself?

[clia]

A guy isn't going to knock back a girl they think is really hot AND who is an interesting girl who they enjoy talking to a lot, over a girl who may withhold sex for longer, but who is boring and less attractive.

 

Except that these aren't the only options. Girls aren't just either boring, unattractive and withholding sex or attractive, interesting, and having sex quickly. He may well knock back a girl who is really hot and interesting who has sex with him early in favor of another girl who is also really hot and interesting who may wait awhile to have sex. Personally, I think it's nearly always a bad idea to have sex with a guy on the first or second time you are with them if you are looking for a relationship.

[Leigh 87]

So your thought process is...what, exactly?

 

That if you sleep with men early on, eventually one will develop into a relationship? Because, it had in the past? Sure, I mean, you could go by statistics... Sleep with tons of men, and perhaps one will stick.

 

I think you will continue to sell yourself short in the process, though, that is merely an observation on my part. Why do I think that? Well, because here you are, questioning yourself. Again...

 

Your other thread, you question the last guy's motives. Yet in the next breath, you say you don't care. So, which is it? By the way, sleeping with a man, is not a form of self-validation. You need no one to achieve that, learn to validate yourself, and believe in yourself. Stop engaging in these self-defeating behaviors. You'll have no one to blame but yourself. Do you enjoy punishing yourself?

 

I don't care about this one guy, no. I do care if I ruin my chances with other guys I may really like in the future, through having early sex.

 

I don't need sex for validation. . I already like the way I look and I think I stand out and I'm different and interesting to some guys.

 

I prefer compliments and for a guy to have a strong sexual attraction towards me... that is always lovely and flattering. These things are must haves for me if I am to date a man.

 

Sex early on isn't something that lends validation as most men will sleep with anyone they are attracted to....