How can I show someone that I am an actual genuine person and not that "nice guy"

[DBryYES]

I am not saying that I am an angel or that I have a heart of gold. I don't. I am what you call a flawed human being. But I try to treat everybody with care and respect. Sometimes I offend people, but it happens. I always try to think of how someone would like to be treated.

 

I don't want to be what people call those "nice guys" who think that they are owed a relationship, but I don't want to be a jerk who treats my girl like crap. I feel like I can't win. How can I show someone that I am a truly genuine good person in the dating game without looking like the passive aggressive manipulative "nice guy"?

[Molly Hooper]

I think I'm slightly confused as to what you mean when you say "nice guy," because you're saying nice, but what comes after or before that descriptor actually sounds like a fake jerk.

 

I am not sure this will be very satisfying advice to you, but just be yourself. If you are who you are claiming to be, then there is no reason for you to come off to others as a passive aggressive manipulator who thinks he is owed a relationship.

 

Everyone is human. Everyone has flaws, makes mistakes, accidentally offends people. So if you are worried about a girl misunderstanding who you are, then she is not taking enough time to get to know you and you two probably wouldn't have a connection anyway. It's the people who spend all their time trying to appear perfect or covering their tracks/mistakes/imperfections that people need to worry about. If you are a genuine person, there is no reason to be worried about a slew of people thinking you're something you aren't.

[DBryYES]

I think I'm slightly confused as to what you mean when you say "nice guy," because you're saying nice, but what comes after or before that descriptor actually sounds like a fake jerk.

 

I am not sure this will be very satisfying advice to you, but just be yourself. If you are who you are claiming to be, then there is no reason for you to come off to others as a passive aggressive manipulator who thinks he is owed a relationship.

 

Everyone is human. Everyone has flaws, makes mistakes, accidentally offends people. So if you are worried about a girl misunderstanding who you are, then she is not taking enough time to get to know you and you two probably wouldn't have a connection anyway. It's the people who spend all their time trying to appear perfect or covering their tracks/mistakes/imperfections that people need to worry about. If you are a genuine person, there is no reason to be worried about a slew of people thinking you're something you aren't.

 

I guess you are right. My problem is that I look to eager to please.

[isisisweeping]

I get what you're concerned about. As someone who has tried several times to give "nice guys" a shot, I am surely "once bitten, twice shy."

 

I would say, consistency over time just treating all people well. People can see that.

 

And do not complain about women or your lack of success. Those are red flags I will not be ignoring again.

[Dallers]

I am not saying that I am an angel or that I have a heart of gold. I don't. I am what you call a flawed human being. But I try to treat everybody with care and respect. Sometimes I offend people, but it happens. I always try to think of how someone would like to be treated.

 

I don't want to be what people call those "nice guys" who think that they are owed a relationship, but I don't want to be a jerk who treats my girl like crap. I feel like I can't win. How can I show someone that I am a truly genuine good person in the dating game without looking like the passive aggressive manipulative "nice guy"?

 

It is like you are describing me

 

I am genuinely a nice guy under the skin but a jerk on top because I have become accustomed to the way of the world. I try to be a good guy but the jerk in me just shines through because that is what attracts girls at the end of the day while the nice guy just pops up from time to time and pushes them away.

 

I am also flawed. By my past, my choices and who I am as a person I am uncertain and damaged. But have some very good qualities as well that a woman looks for. I cannot seem to find a stable relationship and I wonder if the way I am is taking me further and further away from being a nice guy.

 

You cannot change who you are, hopefully the right girl will one day come along and do that for you but for now just focus on you.