Art_Critic Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 maybe he is sexually active with someone else and is waiting to cut the ties and date you full on. 1
smg15 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Im not a guy who would have sex with a woman the first time she comes to my place so I guess Im weird 1
somedude81 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 How long have you guys been dating? If he wants to be serious about you, then he may be trying to hold off on sex. How far have you guys gone so far? Have you been naked with each other?
somedude81 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Im not a guy who would have sex with a woman the first time she comes to my place so I guess Im weird Heh In the past I would have agreed with you. But then I realized with my sex drive, if a woman wants to have sex with me, I'm going to have a very hard time telling her no.
smg15 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Heh In the past I would have agreed with you. But then I realized with my sex drive, if a woman wants to have sex with me, I'm going to have a very hard time telling her no. I guess I just always operated in a way that wants to feel her out a bit more before getting naked the first time 1
newmoon Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 So a guy can never ever turn down sex without it being something wrong interesting oh, he certainly can. once you are *in* a sexual relationship. but initially, for the first time? red flag...
insert_name Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Wow. Just because a guy isn't obsessed with sexual intercourse, he's got to be "gay", "bisexual", "have an STD" or "ED". Wow. It couldn't possibly be because he wants to go slow. Of course not. Because real men want sex and they always want it now. Right? Good grief... Yep, the female self-esteem paradox: they complain that guys just want to use them for sex and nothing else, when a guy comes along who actually treats them with respect then he obviously has a problem- most likely hes gay. Mental. 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Wow. Just because a guy isn't obsessed with sexual intercourse, he's got to be "gay", "bisexual", "have an STD" or "ED". Wow. It couldn't possibly be because he wants to go slow. Of course not. Because real men want sex and they always want it now. Right? Good grief... I know. I Mean you guys do everything but...so what's the big deal. He doesnt' have condoms at the moment.He's being responsible. Last thing he wants is to be a daddy.
Phoe Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 the only guy i have ever come across that did this to me ended up being very confused sexually. i thought he was gay, it turned out he was bi. imo normal guys don't friendzone and wait a willing woman. there is an underlying issue. Nah. I've had this happen before more than once. Some guys just don't want to jump into sex right away. Doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with them. 4
E-Squared Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 And women complain about guys only wanting sex.
smg15 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 oh, he certainly can. once you are *in* a sexual relationship. but initially, for the first time? red flag... When you say first time, do you mean the first time she comes to my place?
smg15 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 And women complain about guys only wanting sex. When they are in the mood for it you have to be in the mood.
ThisisIt606 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I don't necessarily want to have sex with him right now. I'm actually enjoying waiting in some ways, but it's just new territory for me. I've never dated a guy who hasn't really pushed for sex and is almost as equally happy to wait as I am. It's just a bit interesting to me and I wanted to know why he might want to wait? We aren't kids either, he's 30 and I"m 29... OP... I'm about your age as well and my last boyfriend was 36. While I don't recall the "initial sex" being an issue as to timing ( we were both happy when it happened) as I got further into my relationship with him and we had sex more often I realize he DID have some problems having sex. Everything leading up to it seemed fine, he could maintain his erection and all seemed great. However sometimes in the middle of sex he would have these "episodes" such as shaking, sweating a lot and he told me his head was spinning and he'd have to stop. He held up his hand for me to see and he was actually shaking. I of course asked if he was OK/what's wrong and he assured me it wans't me and that he just gets very IN HIS HEAD about sex and starts thinking too many things ( does she like it, am i doing ok, I don't want to c*m yet, etc) like freaking out in his head/extreme performance anxiety. MAYBE your guy has a similar issue going on (ie over thinking sex when he's actually having it) and is just trying to delay it a bit longer. This is just another plausible guess instead of the STD route. 1
smg15 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 OP... I'm about your age as well and my last boyfriend was 36. While I don't recall the "initial sex" being an issue as to timing ( we were both happy when it happened) as I got further into my relationship with him and we had sex more often I realize he DID have some problems having sex. Everything leading up to it seemed fine, he could maintain his erection and all seemed great. However sometimes in the middle of sex he would have these "episodes" such as shaking, sweating a lot and he told me his head was spinning and he'd have to stop. He held up his hand for me to see and he was actually shaking. I of course asked if he was OK/what's wrong and he assured me it wans't me and that he just gets very IN HIS HEAD about sex and starts thinking too many things ( does she like it, am i doing ok, I don't want to c*m yet, etc) like freaking out in his head/extreme performance anxiety. MAYBE your guy has a similar issue going on (ie over thinking sex when he's actually having it) and is just trying to delay it a bit longer. This is just another plausible guess instead of the STD route. Yes definitely have to be careful about STD and Pregnancy
insert_name Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 When they are in the mood for it you have to be in the mood. Briffault would be proud.
smg15 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Briffault would be proud. But in my case If I did not plan on having sex it would not happen
E-Squared Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 When they are in the mood for it you have to be in the mood. Perhaps, and then if someone isn't getting it, it could lead a woman to cheat. I don't understand women sometimes.
Robert Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 on topic posts please, no thread jacks... Thanks
smg15 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Perhaps, and then if someone isn't getting it, it could lead a woman to cheat. I don't understand women sometimes. I had a girl visit me earlier this year and things got a little heated from hugging and kissing and she wanted to have sex. I declined and said let's continue watching TV and order dinner she left out my place crying because she felt unattractive because not many guys would turn down sex in their own place lol
E-Squared Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I had a girl visit me earlier this year and things got a little heated from hugging and kissing and she wanted to have sex. I declined and said let's continue watching TV and order dinner she left out my place crying because she felt unattractive because not many guys would turn down sex in their own place lol My point exactly.
RedRobin Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I personally prefer men who show restraint and want a relationship to build naturally before sex happens. Lots of men don't like sleeping with strangers... The better ones anyway. Why would a woman want a guy who was DTF any woman who offers? I think we have proven around here that a guy sleeping with a woman doesn't mean shyte regarding his feelings toward her. Maybe he also doesn't want to get involved in the little bit of crazy that happens when a woman has sex with a guy before a relationship is established. FYI... I routinely wait months to have sex with a guy I am just getting to know. Not one of them have had ED issues or STD issues. It is really disturbing that so many women are quick to say that a guy would have these issues just because he wants to take his time getting to know her. These are the same women who are churning through guys and having a hard time finding one who wants a relationship. In my experience, it is the guys pushing for or encouraging sex early who are the f*cked up ones... Which is why I avoid them. You know OP, you could learn a lot about a guy by talking to him. There are lots of ways to determine sexual compatibility, especially early on. 6
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 It's a simple fact of nature that most men want to get sexual as soon as possible. It's also been my experience that the only guy who ever delayed sex like this turned out to have pretty significant ED issues. He would get hard while making out, but had trouble maintaining an erection during sex. In a field of science as complex as biology, there are very few "simple facts". 3
insert_name Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Freud would have had a field day with this thread. He still would have been no nearer to figuring out 'what women want' by the end of it though.
GravityMan Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 My guess is that the guy has performance anxiety, OP...and that something happened in his last relationship that made him afraid to get sexual with you. Perhaps he kept getting flaccid during intercourse or was otherwise terrible in bed...and his girlfriend at the time was upset about it and decided to embarrass and emasculate him by making fun of his poor sexual performance in front of his/her friends or something. I'm curious about two things. One, how is he when you two are just spending time together NOT making out or gettting handsy? Does he seem confident and assertive? Do the conversations, humor, etc...feel natural or forced? Two, when he says things like "I don't have protection tonight" or whatever...what's his body language and mannerisms like? Does he seem nervous; is he maintaining eye contact with you? The non-verbal cues may tell you more about what's really going on with him. Although I agree with those people who advise you to just ask him point-blank...especially if you've been seeing him for 3 weeks or longer. Most men are wired to want sex, to want it pretty early on and to want it often. Including many of those who grew up in certain religious cultures...it's not that easy to ignore basic biological human urges for a long period of time. Now, some people in this thread mentioned that some guys just want to wait until a committed relationship is established (or at least until they know for sure that she's ready) and are just fine sexually. That's called self-control, and is an admirable and considerate trait. However, that's not the same thing as what the OP is describing in this guy. This guy seems to be outright EVADING sex...shying away from it. She's clearly ready and he knows it, yet is unwilling to make a move. That is likely a sign of some underlying issue. Even the men with self-control are almost surely going to make a move once they see the green light from the woman. 2
Redhead14 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) I'm seeing someone who is going VERY slow in the dating department, but its also holding true for the sex department. I'm not complaining about it, b/c it's actually really nice for a change, but I'm curious. Why would a guy NOT want to have sex early on? I'm sort of down for it, but he is quick to say things like "I don't have protection tonight, there's lots of other things we can do though" or he just doesn't push for it. Don't get me wrong we definitely make out and do some heavy fooling around...I guess I just haven't met someone who is not interested in having sex when it's basically being offered to them, lol. I know he's not a virgin and everything is in working order, lool, so there's not technical difficulties on his end. what is going on??? Could it be that this guy is really REALLY into me????? This is a very delicate and tender conversation you need to have with him. Do not make any assumptions here. You must make him feel safe enough to talk openly with you about it. You can say "I enjoy our time in bed together very much and appreciate what you do to make sure I'm satisfied. It would please me very much if we could have sex but I sense there is something holding you back. I want you to know that whatever it is, you can talk to me about it and I will do whatever it is that will make it comfortable enough to do it or if there is some other reason that prevents it for you, I will listen and treat it with respect. You must not do or say anything that puts pressure on it. Be in control of your emotions. This is about your wants and needs, not demands or expectations. You need to communicate what your wants and needs are and he should appreciate that. He is not a mind reader and may be thinking about past issues with women in this department who didn't treat the situation properly. If he sees that you are not like other women he's dealt with, he will be able to discuss it with you. If its about disease, you must know it now and remind him that there are ways to work things out and are willing to, if you are so inclined. Edited December 1, 2014 by Redhead14
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