Want my Ex back, but I don't?

[losinghope87]

So my ex and I were dating for a little over a year. She is 22 and I am 26.

We had our good and bad times as many couples do; however, I considered her my first love and gave her my all.

 

I truly believe that I treated her very well (although I was stupid during the time and we broke up about 2-3 times during the relationship as I initiated them due to myself wanting childish attention from her, but only for a few days), but towards the end our of relationship, we bickered over little things (a lot because I was jealous and hardheaded while with her and did not enjoy the fact that she would want to go out and drink every weekend - I know this is dumb as she is kind of at that age where this is normal) when one final fight ended up with me getting dumped.

 

About a month into NC, she contacted me and we met up. I acted "cool" and did not show her my apparent desperation. After this, we again stopped contact for another 2 weeks until one day, I broke NC. We just spoke on the phone for about an hour and we acted just as if everything was normal. During this conversation, she told me that she was planning to get back with me during that day we hung out, except I did not follow up after we hung out.

 

The following day, however, my friend calls me to tell me that he will be pursuing my ex and that they have been waiting to tell me at the right time.

Being the idiot that I am, I immediately start confessing my love for her and told her not to get with him and instead with me. This begging obviously did nothing but push her away.

 

I asked her questions like : Do you love me any more or care about me? and Do you still see me romantically in any way? She essentially responded with a no after quite some hesitation and I believe that this is due to the fact that she just wants to try something new (she chose him over me). In the end she told me that I should move on and she hopes I would find someone new as well.

 

This happened a little less than a week ago now and I have since told her that it hurts too much to contact her any longer and that I will no longer be contacting her. She seemed quite dismayed by my saying this.

These past couple days have been bad as I have not been able to eat or get a full night's rest.

 

I guess what I'm looking for is some false sense of hope in that I would like to know how likely is it that she is just rebounding and if not, how is it that she got over me so quickly after over a year of being together? Also, this new guy has basically nothing on me in that he has no future and is serving at the restaurant that she is currently managing (he's also short, unattractive, very short-tempered, immature, and has never even been in a relationship before - he was known as the friendzone guy that fell in love with any girl that was friendly to him). I am on the fence about how to feel as I want her back at times and other times I know that she hurts me too badly that I would not want her back. Is it possible that she will come back to me at some point (although I know realistically that I would want to reject her if the time comes).

 

Sorry for the long story and thank you for the support!