Lostgirl50 Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 I am looking for help on getting through the holidays coming up. Being recently divorced, this is a very painful time of year. I am used to it being a "family" holiday. I may be totally alone this year and I am not looking forward to it at all. How do people get through this? I thought of volunteering but when I looked into that they told me they are overrun with people helping this time of year. The lonely feeling is an awful one to deal with. Any tips? Thank you !
AaronSG Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 (edited) When I went through my divorce back in 2008, and coincidently my divorce was a couple months before the Holiday season! It was to have been the first Thanksgiving and Christmas I would be spending alone after 14 years of marriage. Like you, at that time I wasn't looking forward to things to come! Here are just some of what got me through the Holidays! 1. Communication, talking with friends & family was a big part in keeping myself going through the Holidays. 2. Hanging out, visiting with friends & family was a nice distraction from the alone feeling I was getting inside my empty home. Mainly for me the type of "hanging out" that helped me the most was the type where you go to there house to do it. 3. Late night walks, walking during that time period, as it has been during my most recent breakup situation is key. Getting out and seeing things helped take my mind off matters. The fresh air helped me to, as well as the walk tired me out pretty good, when done, I didn't have a whole lot of energy to expend on taking trips down memory lane. 4. Holiday music, for me personally one thing that helped my emotional state during the Holidays of 2008 was staying away the best I could from Holiday music. Now of course you have no choice to hear that stuff if you visit a large shopping mall, they are pumping that stuff out 27/7! But at home, friends houses, family's homes, your car, just don't listen to it. For me music is a power tool for taking your mind to places you don't want it to go, memory lane being one of them. 5.The pictures, For me staying away from the old family photo albums during that time period really helped me. The last thing I wanted to see, which I knew would emotionally kill me, was to see Thanksgivings and Christmas's of times gone by! 6. My Space, I know they don't have "My Space" anymore they did for me back in 2008, but the whole social media thing, like Facebook, perhaps stay off that stuff during the Holiday's, especially if you haven't "unfriended" and "blocked" you EX yet. Seeing images and such of the person who is no longer with you could be a real killer. Also "common friends" if your Ex is known during the Holidays to hang out with a certain group of people, or a person or two, perhaps stay away from their Facebook pages as well, you might see the EX hanging with them. 7. Support Groups, at least in my area there are some support groups which I joined shortly after my most recent breakup. These groups like my "Life's, Habits, Hurts & Hangup's" group helps. Also my Codependent Anonymous group helps, these groups of mine are spaced out enough to give me something to look forward to every three days. Going to these groups and meeting new people and hearing other peoples life's problems can help, it lets you know that your not the only one going through something. Plus the group might help teach you some coping skills as to best get through this trying time in your life. 8. Professional Help, I'm currently under the care of a good psychiatrist, having this vital tool as towards "keeping my head on straight" has helped me deal with this Holiday season. For 30 minutes, 2 times a month, I get to express myself and let me shrink understand how hard this time of year is, especially when last year around this time was so full of love, magic, togetherness, ect. ect. ect. Perhpas seeking out some professional help would help you, it has for me. 9. LoveShack, LoveShack and other various "breakup and coping" styled web sites have helped me a lot. It has really helped because your friends and family and support groups and shrink can't be up for you at all hours of the night. For me LoveShack has been a late night life saver. As I have, keep coming back, read people's story's, keep posting your thoughts and feelings, get it out, it helps. Well that's all I got! I hope more people jump in here and maybe give you some other options that I either forgot or don't know about. You'll get through this, sometimes one minute at a time, but you'll get through it! Before you know it you'll look at the calendar and realize it's January-1-2015 and you'll go "wheeeeeew" I made it! You'll be fine, just breath, keep talking, keep posting, call someone when you need to talk to someone, look into a support group, perhaps look into professional help, whatever it takes to help get you through this, look into it! (((big hug))) Edited November 30, 2014 by AaronSG 2
love2ride Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Ya it sucks. This is when me and my ex met and we had our first christmas together just the two of us. I cooked her turkey dinner because the rest of my family was in mexico. it hurts like hell
Author Lostgirl50 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 Thank you for all the wonderful tips. Iam going to change the routinine and remember it is just a "day".
ralfgarnett Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Thank you for all the wonderful tips. Iam going to change the routinine and remember it is just a "day". With you on that one, I too will be alone on that day indeed it is just another day.
Michael 93 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Absolutely dreading it. First time in 2 years without her. Going to be really weird. Especially with knowing she is happy with somebody else at that time of year. Heyyyy.... another challenge we shall beat. Thinking of you all. Mike
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