Why is it moments like this....

[hugznkisses21]

That I feel like i could just pack it all in and end things.

God i love him so much but i make him my everything in the sence that if he is in a bad mood my world comes crashing down.....if he says something with lsight attitude cause he is tired or mad at someone else ro has a bad day my day is ruined ...I feel awful inside and i feel like the only thing i can do it take control and by doing that I mean tell him i cant do this I think im not the right person for you. He replys why cause we argue or this or that....you cant take the easy way out everyone argues and everyone has bad days, moments or attitude at times.

 

I dont know what to do....we have so much love for eachother, have so much fun and have a wonderful life together but it these stupid moment that make me feel at the time that maybe its best i walk.

 

For instatnce....he phones me up last night....hes going out with friends and gives me attitude and sounds miserable to me....im all like whats wrong, what did i do..NOTHIN im tired blah blah....well if u are that tired why dont u not go out get some rest..........No blah blah....with attitude. And i know what he is like when he is tired and this is exacally it...cranky...my whole thing is is the 10 second u are the phone with me to say goodnight caus eua re going to to have fun with your buddies the least u can do is sound like u are somewhat happy to talk to the love of you life...........10 SECONDS it ALL I ask for.

 

So this morning.....

We made plans that he would come here and stay the night and spend time together...after he was done work. I call no answer...he calls back saying hes on his way to work he slept in etc....not important....but he is in the mood again...whats wrong...nothing (as usual for christ sake me this one is getting old) sounds like something...ITS NOT...asks about our plans....everything is good so as a joke im like hey u pick up any girls last night.........and he raises his voice....DONT U TRUST ME.....like whoa....so he goes into saying he doesnt like when i ask that cause it makes him feel i dont trust him and etc. So he is on his way over...he is still sounding crusty...i dont know why he says i worry too much about things....cause i really do....but its his bad moods like these that make me what to throw in the towel but i cant. How can i be a stronger person to just let him have his moods and brush them off and not make them a reslut of my own happyness. I know he isnt cheated he never would hurt me he is a very honest guy but he is moody and stuff.....he doesnt yell at me or anything but i dont know what to do

[Pocky]

You are too dependent on your boyfriend. Every time you post it becomes so apparent that he is your whole world and you are so high strung within this relationship that just reading your posts makes me feel like I'm going to burst. You are overly sensitive to everything he does.

 

Do you fear that if he gets angry one day that he'll just suddenly break up with you? Do you think that you have to walk around on egg shells because if you piss him off too much he may just up and leave?

 

Sometimes the way you act it's almost like you've been in an emotionally abusive relationship. Have you? Have you ever dated anyone that was controlling and emotionally abusive? You're so submissive, so dependent and so worried all the time about this relationship. Do you ever get to just relax and not worry? Have you tried therapy? I can't remember if you have. How are the books coming along? Have they helped any?

 

Have you talked with your boyfriend about this? Does he understand your fears? Do you think there is anything he could do to help you not be so afraid?

 

 

 

 

[hugznkisses21]

Pocky,

 

Actually I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. My last bf a few years back was always saying I was at fauly for everything...that im the reason this is this way and that and that I was not attractive to him and I couldnt do certain things or he would threaten to leave me all the time yet he could do as he pleases including....cheating on me.

 

This had made me fearful that every move I make or thing i say with end in a break up...pretty terrible eh.

 

The books have helped but I have to re-read at the tough times to help me out. I am doing therapy and it slowly woorking but its hard to apply these things in the heat of the moment cause it isnt the first thing on your mind. I am not at all afraid and walk on egg shells i will say how i feel regardless but then i feel bad and never back myself up. He is a wonderful man....loveing caring etc. He understands my fear and is very patient with my but a person can only take so much. My theripist said something to me which makes sence....i trusted my mother completely and she lied to me alot and she things that i find it hard to have trust in people because if this with my mother. And now that my mother is gone I have mixed feelings of guilt for not trusting her at allhe end of her life and trust issues...i feel I have to protect myself from hurting and being left in that position of feeling lied to and guilty for not believeing the truth. ITs l;ike a strange trap I have myself in. If i dont trust I feel guilt If i do i feel decieved its not a great spot to be in. I trust my bf...that I do...but in the back of my mind i know i have an obligation to protect myself for pain. I have expierneced so much of it by the age of 22 (cheated on, lost my mom, two parent divorces) that Im sure im stronger but I feel as i cant take anything more or i will fall apart. I can be a confident person but then i cant be. I love myself but dislike my overthinking and the person I become when I worry.

 

Anyways what im getting at is:

We had an argument he named two things that I do that he "hates".....asking about his other gf's whether joking or not and thinking I know what he is thinking at all times. Both these things make him feel i dont trsut him or his feels about me. I never intended either of those things to feel that way but they did. I need to work on this. Then after a fight I feel we arent the same like it is now only a matter of time that he realizes those two things are horrible and im all wrong for him (like last bf) and leave. Because he did say thoses things he doesnt like I felt that i was terrible....a terrible bf, person etc. Just cause i have heard that befoe with my last bf. But he never intended for me to feel that way...only to let me know thats how those things make him feel.

 

I understand. I pulled out my book after two days of feeling llike I have ruined my realtionship and it does help. I feel good today....i still feel that i have wounded our relationship and I may not be a 10/10 gf to him but now im a 7.....do u get what im saying and i feel i have to try anf get back to a 10. Weird i know. And it totally isnt him...he couldnt be better....he couldnt be a better bf. He says couples fight big deal.....my mom and dad fight and they tell eachother things that bug them and they fix and move on...so he doesn help when he says that.....plus when he says his love for me has not changed.....and i have to belive that instead of thinking that he is just saying what i want to hear

[hugznkisses21]

Reading EC posts iknow how she feels

[NiCoLe20]

just relax and be easy with this guy. it sounds like your nagging him a little too much. you say he gets annoyed when you ask about other girls, so why dont you stop that? that will get rid of an arguement. also, i think you worry too much about what he does and stuff like that and you need to back off a little. you gotta keep urself occupied with things that keep you busy instead of always worrying about him. you keep bothering him about certain things, just ease up b/c your pushing him away. guys dont like this, they like a chase... just act like you dont care if he didnt call you at all during the day, or if he's going out with friends, stuff like that... if you do this your arguments will slowly stop and he wont cop an attitude with you anymore.