Do women lose respect for a guy or view him as weak if he cries in front of her?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

It's like when you have to let out one of those giant farts. It's fine to be who you are, just don't do it in front of women.

 

And to add to that, it's not trying to be somebody you're not if you don't cry in front of your partner. You're being exactly who you are...which is the guy who doesn't cry in front of his girlfriend .

 

Doing him a huge disservice if you don't break up with him. I get such douche chills when I see a guy crying, even at a funeral, and I'm not even a woman.

 

....no seriously, !!!

 

But on another note, nah, I wouldn't break up with a guy for crying at a funeral. As icy as I am I have to make exceptions. If dear old dad drops dead and you're stoic as a brick I'd think there was something wrong with you. But that's pretty much it.

 

Alternatively, I said some pretty f*ked up s*t to my ex recently and he cried like a little bitch. I mean, that was the desired outcome but good god, I didn't think he would actually do it. Thoroughly satisfying though. But naturally what little respect I had for him (nigh on nonexistent) dropped down below subzero.

[Taramere]

My father tends to be extremely emotional, and sometimes I find it difficult. I know my mother has a low tolerance to it.

 

The thing is that he's always tended to take on that "chief mourner" mantle - even when it's in respect of somebody he wasn't particularly close to. Sometimes it seems as though every week, there will be at least one day I visit when he's greeting me with teary eyed news of some distant acquaintance who has died. I know this is a thing for people when they get old and increasingly aware of their own mortality, and my father does have some issues with the onset of dementia. So I just greet the news as sympathetically as I can while trying not to encourage too much wallowing. My mother (who is, emotionally, a great deal tougher) is a lot less sympathetic, but I suppose that comes from living with him and having to deal with it a lot.

 

It's difficult. I think we all, male and female, have to get some balance between being human beings who are allowed to have and show emotion, and the risk of becoming emotionally incontinent and self pitying in a way that makes others want to distance themselves for the sake of their own sanity. And it's not necessarily an easy balance to reach - especially not with men, who are up against traditionally "big boys don't cry" stereotypes.

Edited November 30, 2014 by Taramere

[GravityMan]

It boils down to these two things:

- Emotional intelligence

- Mental toughness (i.e. fortitude)

 

Men need to know time and place when it comes to stuff like crying. It's acceptable (and even expected) for a guy to cry or at least show visible signs of sadness/grief at his mother or father's funeral, especially if they loved each other. Hell...NOT showing grief would be strange and may be a turn-off to some women. C'mon, it's someone he cares deeply about. I'm sure most women prefer a human being, not a robot. However, men need to understand that even in the face of death of a close loved one, the world will keep on turning and there are others (such as his GF or wife) that need his attention, love and support. Furthermore, he likely has a job he needs to return to soon after bereavement leave and his boss and coworkers will expect him to be "over it" emotionally and be ready to perform at a high level. It's fine to grieve for a few days but eventually it's time to emotionally turn the page.

 

It's a bit more of a gray area if his GF or wife's parent(s) pass away. It's alright to show a little grief himself, but his primary focus should be on being that rock and providing support (especially emotional support) for his SO in her time of loss. Men who don't do that tend to be come across as uncaring a-holes and are widely disliked.

 

On the other hand, if a guy sheds tears because someone keyed his sparkling brand-new Mercedes...then that's weak and I can see many women being turned off by that. It's a nice car, but at the end of the day it's still just a damn car. It's OK to be a little pissed off by the incident, but the guy's focus should be on getting the damage repaired and if possible, capturing the perpetrator (possibly with law enforcement assistance). Y'know, rational thinking.

 

Worse, if a guy cries because some jerk called him a racial/ethnic slur or some other insult, then that guy is pathetic. No spine. Lets people walk all over him, as if he were some nondescript worn rug on the floor. These kinds of guys get picked on a lot more than others because people sense weakness in him. Of course many women (and most other men, too) will lose respect for him. It's OK to be offended (but please don't be one of those people who get offended by every teeny tiny thing), but you gotta learn to roll with the punches, and even use your sense of humor to deal with such situations. Or just ignore it. Confident men were usually taught by their fathers or father-figures how to stand up for themselves while they were kids in grade school.

 

The time and place deal is also applicable in other areas, such as when to show anger, when to use humor, when to pursue a matter vs. letting it drop, when (and to who) to show your vulnerable side and so on.

[autumnnight]

I have no problem with sincere crying. Manipulative crying is another story. And truthfully it also depends on his overall character and strength. A decisive, self assured problem solver type man who is also able to show emotion and vulnerability through tears? Wonderful. A whiny, victimy, passive, helpless man who cries over everything? No thanks.

[d0nnivain]

Men crying can be disconcerting. After my mother died, my father did not cry at the funeral & snapped at me for crying. For months afterwards he cried every day & it broke my heart because I couldn't make him stop. I felt like nothing I did eased his pain in anyway.

 

 

When DH's grandmother died, he didn't cry. His own father shed a few tears & they are practically clones. His mom started to get annoying at the grave side as she kept telling DH it was OK to cry & acting like there was something wrong with him because he wasn't crying. I finally barked at my MIL to leave DH alone because he needed to grieve in his own way. I too was worried that he wasn't crying but that's just him.

 

 

I had an EX who cried at sappy commercials. That I found annoying & not very masculine. It did make me lose some respect for him.

[NGC1300]

Men who never cry and refuse to show emotion ever, turn me off. Too robotic.

 

Blame society for that.

 

Men cannot show too much of any emotion or else they're quickly ridiculed and called pussies, weak, or feminine. It's been this way for centuries.

 

Men aren't allowed to have emotions.

[Divasu]

My exes both cried in front of me when we dated. One over the death of his father and one over other stuff/life events. And, I was there to console/hug.

 

So, to answer your question, no.

[NGC1300]

I've heard about this on another forum & it seems a lot of women would view their boyfriend/husband as weak if he cried in front of her. Is this really true that a lot of women would consider breaking up with them & not view him the same anymore?

 

We're back to the double standard again.

 

If a woman is down and out, feeling sad/low, then men are expected to be there for her and comfort her.

 

If a man is down and out, feeling sad/low, then he becomes less attractive to women and will be deemed weak and needy and will be abandoned.

 

Why do you think suicide rates are 4x higher for men?

 

We've all been conditioned to believe women are the more emotional gender, when in fact it's just society telling men to burry their emotions to avoid ridicule.

 

Empathy is never in short supply for women. Men though, just have to "man up" or face ridicule.

[scatterd]

I love men with emotions. My husband does not show any for me or his self. Hes hateful he asked for divorce after 21 years did not care I cried

and just shows hate. A man that can cry shows they have a heart and care.

[autumnnight]

I have to say that when a man I love is willing to reach out to me for support, it creates real intimacy for me. The problem comes if he starts arguing with my support, like if he's feeling like a failure, I try to build him up and remind him of his accomplishments, and he prefers to go on and on about how none of it matters, life is useless, he just stops trying and lays on the couch while expecting me to fix everything. That gets overwhelming.

[NJ123]

We're back to the double standard again.

 

If a woman is down and out, feeling sad/low, then men are expected to be there for her and comfort her.

 

If a man is down and out, feeling sad/low, then he becomes less attractive to women and will be deemed weak and needy and will be abandoned.

 

Why do you think suicide rates are 4x higher for men?

 

We've all been conditioned to believe women are the more emotional gender, when in fact it's just society telling men to burry their emotions to avoid ridicule.

 

Empathy is never in short supply for women. Men though, just have to "man up" or face ridicule.

 

I'd say there's a lot of truth to this. It's definitely a double standard since judging by this thread as well as what I heard in other places that a lot of women are turned off by men crying from a guy except for when someone dies. Even then, some get turned off. Some are just really cold about it, but who wants to be with someone like that anyway? I'd rather be with a nice caring woman than some bitch who would scream at me or not view me the same if I cried over something serious.

[bachdude]

It's like when you have to let out one of those giant farts. It's fine to be who you are, just don't do it in front of women.

 

Well, one is out of courtesy and manners. The other is a genuine expression - of course, you may want to hold it in if the timing or situation isn't right. But as a general rule to never let her see you cry, I can't agree with that. I prefer to keep it real.

[carhill]

Do women lose respect for a guy or view him as weak if he cries in front of her?

 

If attraction is strong and her feelings about the circumstances of the crying match up with her image of appropriate male behavior, no.

[Michelle ma Belle]

We're back to the double standard again.

 

If a woman is down and out, feeling sad/low, then men are expected to be there for her and comfort her.

 

If a man is down and out, feeling sad/low, then he becomes less attractive to women and will be deemed weak and needy and will be abandoned.

 

Why do you think suicide rates are 4x higher for men?

 

We've all been conditioned to believe women are the more emotional gender, when in fact it's just society telling men to burry their emotions to avoid ridicule.

 

Empathy is never in short supply for women. Men though, just have to "man up" or face ridicule.

 

I'm sorry but where exactly did you come to this conclusion by reading the comments on this thread?

 

From what I've read so far, almost every woman clearly stated they DO NOT see men as weak if they cried in front of them.

 

Someone sounds jaded. I think you're in desperate need of a hug.

[RedRobin]

I've heard about this on another forum & it seems a lot of women would view their boyfriend/husband as weak if he cried in front of her. Is this really true that a lot of women would consider breaking up with them & not view him the same anymore?

 

No, never. My own dad tears up whenever I tell him I love him.

 

 

I consider crying to be a healthier emotional response than anger or silent stoicism...

 

 

Like any other emotion though, the underlying issue has to be dealt with in a constructive way, ultimately. How they deal with it would make or break the relationship.

[Eternal Sunshine]

No, unless he cries all the time.

[serial muse]

I dont think a woman would feel too good about a guy that came home and cried because his co-worker called him a jerkoff or his favorite team lost the big game....

 

Deaths to close family, grave illnesses and such are different...If a guy didnt tear up a bit there, it would be abnormal..

 

I do consider myself pretty resolute and dont really cry over anything unless its really something that hits hard to someone very close to me.....The most I ever cried, though, was when I held my baby daughter in the first seconds of her life..She looked up at me and I just completely fell apart......Crying my eyes out...It was awesome and I dont feel at all less of a man for it....

 

TFY

 

My husband cried when he held our son for the first time. We were both so overjoyed. It was beautiful.

 

My mom's dad (my granddaddy) was "built close to the water", as they say in the South. He teared up over happy and sad things alike (my grandmother, on the other hand, was a tough as nails character). He was a wonderful, warm, lovable man. Nobody ever thought less of him.

Edited December 2, 2014 by serial muse

[serial muse]

We're back to the double standard again.

 

If a woman is down and out, feeling sad/low, then men are expected to be there for her and comfort her.

 

If a man is down and out, feeling sad/low, then he becomes less attractive to women and will be deemed weak and needy and will be abandoned.

 

Why do you think suicide rates are 4x higher for men?

 

We've all been conditioned to believe women are the more emotional gender, when in fact it's just society telling men to burry their emotions to avoid ridicule.

 

Empathy is never in short supply for women. Men though, just have to "man up" or face ridicule.

 

Except the women in this thread are saying the opposite of this.

 

I have no problem with sincere crying. Manipulative crying is another story. And truthfully it also depends on his overall character and strength. A decisive, self assured problem solver type man who is also able to show emotion and vulnerability through tears? Wonderful. A whiny, victimy, passive, helpless man who cries over everything? No thanks.

 

This is very true, goes for men and women both though.

 

Reading over these posts, it seems like those who have a problem with men crying tend to be uncomfortable with tears in general. Which is interesting.

Edited December 2, 2014 by serial muse

[bachdude]

Blame society for that.

 

Men cannot show too much of any emotion or else they're quickly ridiculed and called pussies, weak, or feminine. It's been this way for centuries.

 

Men aren't allowed to have emotions.

 

As guys we need to take responsibility for our own emotional expression.

 

Can't blame society.

 

And we are allowed to have emotions - there are no emotional police that are going to arrest us.

 

The choice is ours.

[carhill]

As guys we need to take responsibility for our own emotional expression.

 

Very true, but the thread is focused on women respecting, or losing respect for, a man if he cries in front of her. Different kettle of fish.

[me85]

Not at all. But if I had a boyfriend that cried all the time then yes, I'd view him as weak and I'd probably BU with him.

[mammasita]

I joked on a guy I was seeing once and said he watched too much porn. We were sitting at a bar in DC, He started crying, ran off and left his beer sitting there. Now THAT was a major turn off.

 

I grabbed his beer and double fisted his drink and mine, **** it.

[Got it]

I've heard about this on another forum & it seems a lot of women would view their boyfriend/husband as weak if he cried in front of her. Is this really true that a lot of women would consider breaking up with them & not view him the same anymore?

 

No, of course not.

[thefooloftheyear]

Bottom line?....No one likes a whining p***y....And we all know what that looks like......

 

TFY

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'd say there's a lot of truth to this. It's definitely a double standard since judging by this thread as well as what I heard in other places that a lot of women are turned off by men crying from a guy except for when someone dies.

Oh, come on, my friend, every single post by a woman in this thread refutes that, why are you so determined to think all women are bad and out to hurt you? If you're gonna put a question out here you should be willing to listen to the answers you get!!