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why would a guy commit?

liove

By liove
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liove Established Member

liove

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long story short:

boy meets girl; they date for 2 months, boy gives too much, girl cannot get attached, they split because girl too distant. meanwhile great sex. girl admits being inlove with someone else. BAD TIMING strike 1

1 month pause; boy recontacts girl. they meet, have fun. meanwhile still great sex. girl likes boy a lot; boy not ready for commitment : BAD TIMING strike 2

boy and girl continue to talk; girl wants more; boy is not sure. boy likes the girl a lot but boy is scared and doesnt know why.

boy evokes several reasons:

1. scared he wont get attached and hurt the girl

2. "instable" to get attached to anyonce since his last girlfriend

3. the strange beginning of the history when the girl likes someone else

 

Yes, you are right, it is me the girl and the boy is my crush. I know he likes me, we get along very well, we make each other laugh and he always writes to me and if i dont answer he freaks out.

we cannot stop talking, we tried several times but we just cant stop talking to each other. but he refuses to see me because "he doesnt want me to get too attached since he is not ready for more".

even the numbers are in our favor and we had a lot of "signs" from destiny as well.

 

The problem is that i need the last piece of the puzzle to make him want us to be a couple. and cannot figure out what exactly it is. so please anyone, what makes a guy commit?

Edited by liove
mistake
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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If a guys decided that youre only a FWB...that will never change. He doesnt see you as someone he wants to be with long term...and clearly hes not ready for a relationship

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BuckleShuffle Member

BuckleShuffle

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Typical story of girl wanting a label and guy being a commitment-phobe. To him your emotional/physical attention is enough. womp :/

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liove Established Member

liove

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so any ideas how to change that? i mean in life nothing is impossible...

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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but we aren't fwb...

If youre having sexual contact without a commitment then thats exactly how the guy sees you. As a fwb.

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Frank2thepoint Established Member

Frank2thepoint

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but we aren't fwb...

 

You're right. You guys are just a casual couple. Boy doesn't want to commit, but has no problem with hanging out, joking around, and having sex with you. It's completely casual for him.

 

 

so any ideas how to change that? i mean in life nothing is impossible...

 

Tell him you want a relationship, otherwise there is no point in continuing. If he doesn't commit, go no contact. There is a chance he will panic after a few weeks or a couple of months, he'll reach out to you, and you tell him the same thing that you want a relationship, or it's a no go.

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liove Established Member

liove

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You're right. You guys are just a casual couple. Boy doesn't want to commit, but has no problem with hanging out, joking around, and having sex with you. It's completely casual for him.

 

 

 

 

Tell him you want a relationship, otherwise there is no point in continuing. If he doesn't commit, go no contact. There is a chance he will panic after a few weeks or a couple of months, he'll reach out to you, and you tell him the same thing that you want a relationship, or it's a no go.

 

do you think it is a good idea to give him "ultimatums"?

 

i already talked to him and told him that and he told me that he regrets that it did not work out the first time and that he cannot stop thinking about the past and the beginning of the story when i was too distant and thinking about another guy. also, he told me he is afraid he wont get attached and that i might get hurt.

 

and no we dont see each other anymore, we just talk via texts ... a lot! he told me he would love to see me but that implies attachment and it wouldnt be fair. i told him that communicating as well will get us attached, he told me he knows it but he cannot stop talking to me.

 

i told him i will stop talking to him and he told me that this will really make him sad but he will understand...

 

the problem is that at the beginning he really was into me...

and we are not fwb once again. we can easily stay and talk for hours without having sex.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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Doesnt matter if you can talk forever.

 

You are FRIENDS with Benefits. You are friends that fvk. Hence the FWB is apt.

 

Youre in denial. Im a man telling you how this works for men. Any guy will tell you this. If a man is sleeping with you, doing the friends thing, and having fun without commitment...you are his fwb...and that likely wont ever change.

 

He's able to have a girlfriend without committing. Hence, I say again...a FWB.

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Frank2thepoint Established Member

Frank2thepoint

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Ultimatums are not just for him, but for you. It's meant to stop bad behavior and establish your boundaries. You want a relationship, that means you have to give him a choice. Real simple. Otherwise you risk having what you have continue, and maybe even fizzle out, leaving you wondering what happened. At least by confronting him, you get an answer. But it seems he already has given you an answer. He doesn't want to get attached, which means no commitment. He is hurt from the beginning that you were in love with someone else. You can't blame him for feeling that way. Sadly, I have to say to move on.

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liove Established Member

liove

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Doesnt matter if you can talk forever.

 

You are FRIENDS with Benefits. You are friends that fvk. Hence the FWB is apt.

 

Youre in denial. Im a man telling you how this works for men. Any guy will tell you this. If a man is sleeping with you, doing the friends thing, and having fun without commitment...you are his fwb...and that likely wont ever change.

 

He's able to have a girlfriend without committing. Hence, I say again...a FWB.

 

so what do you suggest then?

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liove Established Member

liove

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Ultimatums are not just for him, but for you. It's meant to stop bad behavior and establish your boundaries. You want a relationship, that means you have to give him a choice. Real simple. Otherwise you risk having what you have continue, and maybe even fizzle out, leaving you wondering what happened. At least by confronting him, you get an answer. But it seems he already has given you an answer. He doesn't want to get attached, which means no commitment. He is hurt from the beginning that you were in love with someone else. You can't blame him for feeling that way. Sadly, I have to say to move on.

 

there isnt really anything to do besides "moving on"? imight be missing out something but i think we all can have something if we really want

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liove Established Member

liove

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he also told me that there are three situation: either we are a couple, being just FWB ou not seeing eachother anymore. and then told me that none of these please him... and that is out of the question that we can be just friends, at least not for now

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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so what do you suggest then?
I suggest taking time away from him so you can move on. This way you can find someone that will commit to you and give you the relationship that you desire.
Frank2thepoint Established Member

Frank2thepoint

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there isnt really anything to do besides "moving on"? imight be missing out something but i think we all can have something if we really want

 

I understand your frustration. You don't miss something until after it is gone. This is what has happened to you. As of right now, if you keep talking to him, and bringing it up, he will get annoyed and you will drive him away. Or you can try my advice. Go no contact for a month, let him reach out to you, and tell him you want a relationship and that there is no one you want to be with but him.

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liove Established Member

liove

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I suggest taking time away from him so you can move on. This way you can find someone that will commit to you and give you the relationship that you desire.

 

 

i dont want to move on that's the problem. we already stop talking for a month and couldnt stop thinking about him during this period. i took it as a sign...

i was dating someone else who wanted a relationship, who was really into me but the moment he called me, i dropped everything. dont understand why, at the beginning i didnt even like him...

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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The problem is that i need the last piece of the puzzle to make him want us to be a couple. and cannot figure out what exactly it is. so please anyone, what makes a guy commit?

 

SUPER easy question.

 

Why should he commit to you? Not saying this to be mean. But he has no reason at all to commit to you. You've given him, and continue to give him exactly what a girlfriend would give to him... no strings attached. He has all the perks of a girlfriend, without all the drama of a girlfriend. It's the perfect set up for a guy, and yes, guys exploit girls all the time with this.

 

Great video to watch:

  • Like 3
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liove Established Member

liove

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I understand your frustration. You don't miss something until after it is gone. This is what has happened to you. As of right now, if you keep talking to him, and bringing it up, he will get annoyed and you will drive him away. Or you can try my advice. Go no contact for a month, let him reach out to you, and tell him you want a relationship and that there is no one you want to be with but him.

 

 

i try to do that all the time but he is always initating contact. if i dont answer he becomes jalous etc

i told him i think is better that i block his number and he told me that he will miss our conversation but hat he understands

arent any chances that he might be in a bad moment at the moment? and maybe if i stick aroud this will change?

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liove Established Member

liove

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SUPER easy question.

 

Why should he commit to you? Not saying this to be mean. But he has no reason at all to commit to you. You've given him, and continue to give him exactly what a girlfriend would give to him... no strings attached. He has all the perks of a girlfriend, without all the drama of a girlfriend. It's the perfect set up for a guy, and yes, guys exploit girls all the time with this.

 

Great video to watch:

 

i give him the drama as well...

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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It's a no brainer, he not that into you, get over it and find someone else.

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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i give him the drama as well...

 

Not really. He's still technically free to "listen" to you go wah wah wah wah and then can go out and talk to whoever, see whoever, do whoever.

 

You guys didn't speak for a month. He wasn't sitting home crying.

 

And long story short: He just not that into you. It's cliche, but it's true. Guys don't NOT date women they want to be with. It's just not a thing. And no. If you "stick around" it's not going to change.

BuckleShuffle Member

BuckleShuffle

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i give him the drama as well...

 

Think about what commitment means. You're literally gonna have to make him think he will lose you soon for him to commit. otherwise he has everything he needs form you. My suggestion? Cut it off from him. Tell him 'look if you don't want to commit then im out' and initiate NC. If he tries to come back, tell him that you're looking for committment. Of course talk in such a way that doesnt come off as demanding. you dont want to force him to commit just so he can continue getting his emotionl and physically needs fulfilled.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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i give him the drama as well...

 

 

^^ I think this video would be most beneficial to you.

 

Also: "even the numbers are in our favor and we had a lot of "signs" from destiny as well"

 

Just, no.

Edited by KatZee
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liove Established Member

liove

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thanks for your advice guys

 

i just blocked any cotact with him . number blocked, facebook blocked

 

do you think it is a good idea to block him or i am exagerating?

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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thanks for your advice guys

 

i just blocked any cotact with him . number blocked, facebook blocked

 

do you think it is a good idea to block him or i am exagerating?

 

If you literally can't stop responding to him when he inevitably comes sniffing back around, then no. You're not exaggerating. NC is the way to move on as fast as possible.

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