BuckleShuffle Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I'm not the best looking dude. I've been called cute a lot by girls(and hot? like wth) but for some reason just think peeps are being nice. I'm alright I guess, not really worth a second look but not ugly. My ex-girlfriend is someone many, many guys have chased after. She is beautiful in the face and hot as well. We broke up mainly due to her thinking I don't care about her enough. She was really insecure blah blah. We were each other's first bf/gf The thing is 95% of people wouldn't even think that we actually dated. Even random girls find her so beautiful. If people knew they dated, I'm sure their first thought would be "He actually was able to date that beauty?" I've read and heard that other girls are likely to look at a guy positively if his exes are good looking. The whole, "Hmmmm, if it is not his looks, he must have something special or worth going for." And this creates an interest in the guy. Just the fact that his ex was beautiful. What would be your take on this psychology?
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 It does make sense, I suppose. It's the whole 'wanting what someone else has', the way that married men say the second they have a ring on their finger they get hit on more than ever. If somebody who is perceived as high status is your ex, then someone's thinking might be that you are also high status for her to have desired you. And if you're not physically as attractive then sure, maybe people presume you are particularly high value in personality. I've never thought this way though. Don't think I've ever really considered a partner's ex's appearance. I've had enough boyfriends with enough exes to realise it's really quite irrelevant.
Author BuckleShuffle Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 It does make sense, I suppose. It's the whole 'wanting what someone else has', the way that married men say the second they have a ring on their finger they get hit on more than ever. If somebody who is perceived as high status is your ex, then someone's thinking might be that you are also high status for her to have desired you. And if you're not physically as attractive then sure, maybe people presume you are particularly high value in personality. I've never thought this way though. Don't think I've ever really considered a partner's ex's appearance. I've had enough boyfriends with enough exes to realise it's really quite irrelevant. It's a strange psychology. I'm actually curious to see if it has any effect haha though not being too hopeful. I feel like guys don't do this much often though. I can't imagine a dude wanting a not-so looking girl because his ex-bf were attractive. I guess that makes us men a tad bit more superficial, but less dependent on social status.
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 How are you supposed to show the girls you'd like to date how goodlooking your ex was though? Sounds awkward!
newmoon Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 i have come across a few of these guys, ones who aren't good-looking but brag about past good-looking gf's by showing me a fb photo of her, or something like that. i don't think they are any more handsome after seeing their past gf's, just more prone to being braggarts, and that makes them less attractive.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Well, I don't know about dating but women will care what your Ex-GF will look like if they are in a relationship with you...which can either be a good or bad thing. She'll respect you more for it if she's good looking but she might feel insecure or jealous, but if she's ugly she may think you have bad taste and what the hell is wrong with you. She may also agree with your taste or type if she looks the same as she does...as women think men have these certain set-in-stone particular types that make them the perfect girl and all of that. At any rate, it definitely doesn't hurt you and is a good thing overall as long as you don't wave it around like this trophy, and that's the problem with guys...once they figure out something that kinda works or they get attention for, they start to go overboard with it making it the main feature...when they were getting attention for it before when they weren't even thinking about it. And that's how you have to be, if you try to flaunt something towards women like bait...sure some will fall for it or not care, but others will think you're a shallow douche for it. Normally they'll be turned off by it. And you don't really sound a good-looking enough guy to get away with all that...the better looking, the bigger of a douche you can be, so don't overestimate yourself.
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 i have come across a few of these guys, ones who aren't good-looking but brag about past good-looking gf's by showing me a fb photo of her, or something like that. i don't think they are any more handsome after seeing their past gf's, just more prone to being braggarts, and that makes them less attractive. Yup... if a new boyfriend or date showed me a photo of their ex, I'd be so turned off and think they weren't over her and it would pretty much kill any attraction. Seriously, who does that? I can't remotely imagine being with a new partner and getting out a photo of my ex to show them! I don't even have photos of my ex on my phone or facebook, just one or two physical photos for the two serious exes that are kept in a shoebox somewhere. I do remember one relationship I had though, where we somehow got into the discussion of exes, and ended up kinda giving each other a potted history of the significant people in our past, complete with looking them up on Facebook and everything. It was actually kinda interesting and didn't make me feel jealous or weird. But that only happened once, organically, and I really wouldn't want to do the same with my current partner. It was once we'd been seeing each other a while and kinda happened naturally during a discussion about our lives, which is different to a new guy getting out a picture of his ex to show me. 1
liove Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 I'm not the best looking dude. I've been called cute a lot by girls(and hot? like wth) but for some reason just think peeps are being nice. I'm alright I guess, not really worth a second look but not ugly. My ex-girlfriend is someone many, many guys have chased after. She is beautiful in the face and hot as well. We broke up mainly due to her thinking I don't care about her enough. She was really insecure blah blah. We were each other's first bf/gf The thing is 95% of people wouldn't even think that we actually dated. Even random girls find her so beautiful. If people knew they dated, I'm sure their first thought would be "He actually was able to date that beauty?" I've read and heard that other girls are likely to look at a guy positively if his exes are good looking. The whole, "Hmmmm, if it is not his looks, he must have something special or worth going for." And this creates an interest in the guy. Just the fact that his ex was beautiful. What would be your take on this psychology? that depends! for teens and highschool girls maybe. but for the 20s et 30s ppl not quite. For example, I am considered to be a hottie (no modesty there) and i can tell you that all my exboyfriends never had other girlfriend after me because their stadards are high (because of me) and usually they get even higher while aging... so that depeds. i think what make girls want to be with you is the persoality. Cofidence is sexy as f***! we dont quite care about the looks if you have a good personality and you can make us laugh. So work on that before using your exgf image to hook up (it's very very superficial and it will bring you superficial relationships only!)
shinyprettything Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Listen, it totally works! The crucial point is HOW the new dating material KNOWS about the ex-gf (or ex-bf, bc it works in reverse too). If you told the new date or showed a pic, that would be lame. You have to act like it was no big thing or that you are hung up on ex-gf. If new date knows who the ex-gf is or seeks that info out on her own, it works. I've seen it a million times. It's called marketing, my friend. Aspirational marketing.
Dallers Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Looks mean nothing confidence means everything. If you see yourself as ugly that is the reason why you are struggling to date girls. Even the ugliest guy in the world could win over a girl if he was confident enough. Looks are a bonus but do not mean anything in the dating world. Scrub yourself up the best you can and focus solely on making you stronger.
d0nnivain Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 In a small closed society like school, it could be an asset. However I thought you were breaking up with her because she hooked up with your buddy freshman year & lied about it. For a pop culture example of this technique working, watch Legally Blonde. There's a scene when the big guy is hitting on the hot red head who keeps turning him down because he's nerdy looking. Elle, the lead character played by Reese Witherspoon, comes along & slaps the guy saying something about breaking her heart by giving her the greatest night of passion then never calling her. The red head then agrees to go out with the guy.
Eighty_nine Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Yes. I hate to admit it, but when I first met the guy I'm dating I was unsure about how attracted I was to him. When he eventually added me on facebook I saw that he's dated several very pretty girls in the past.... And it made me view him as more attractive.
ascendotum Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 that depends! for teens and highschool girls maybe. but for the 20s et 30s ppl not quite. For example, I am considered to be a hottie (no modesty there) and i can tell you that all my exboyfriends never had other girlfriend after me because their stadards are high (because of me) and usually they get even higher while aging... so that depeds. i think what make girls want to be with you is the persoality. Cofidence is sexy as f***! we dont quite care about the looks if you have a good personality and you can make us laugh. So work on that before using your exgf image to hook up (it's very very superficial and it will bring you superficial relationships only!) You ruined your exes. lol. I think hitting the jackpot for both men/women can sometimes mess with their mind by distorting their perception and they raise the bar too high. I saw the movie Shallow Hal recently and there is a scene in that were his sexy neighbor starts to show a lot more sexual interest in him after she sees him dating ugly women. Supposedly it made him more attractive because it shows he is not superficial. imo, it would work the opposite for most women in real life unless the guy was a hunk, where an aspect like that would not damage his reputation. With my experience and my friends, a new gf seeing a picture of a pretty ex did seem to enhance their perception of us, but as Ninja pointed out its not an easy thing to use as bait, but with online social media now I'd say its a lot easier than in the past (lissvana ^). I've known a few guys that kept old pictures of hot exes in their wallet and would find excuses to take them out to show people to brag. lol. There have been some studies that show women find men in photos that have attractive women next to them to be more attractive than when they don't. The halo effect or whatever its called. I've also known women to have lower opinion of their exes when they have seen them with a new women they deem unattractive. I knew a quiet geeky guy once that struggled to get a gf (like numerous yrs single). He had read an article along these lines, and struck a deal with his sister's pretty friend. He fixed up her car for free if she would meet him at a club dressed up sexy for an hour (he paid expenses) for 6 weeks and hang with him, act flirty with him but not to pretend to be his gf and help to kick start convos with other girls. It worked. He got a gf within the month.
TheyCallMeOx Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 I was with my ex-girlfriend before she lost a lot of weight. Now that she's lost weight, she's more confident in herself and probably bangin' dudes left and right. People might wonder the same about me, how I managed to get a woman like her, but **** those people. I'm not interested in trophy wives. I don't care if someone has a more attractive girlfriend than I do. It ain't a competition, and love isn't complicated. You're a man, she's a woman; that's all that matters. If you click, congratulations. If you don't, move on. Looks are just a small aspect. The quality of a relationship isn't determined by the attractiveness of a couple. Anyone who believes so doesn't really know **** about love.
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