Beautiful Kisses Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 (edited) Well I met this guy about 3 weeks ago, on a dating site. He came to see me a week after we met and I can say that we had a good time. Towards the end of the night tho I was ready to just go home because he kept wanting to kiss & I wasn't feeling it. He told me he hasn't had sex in a year in a half since his last relationship ended with his kids mother. He's a pretty stable guy, drives a nice car owns his home and works a good job. He's always talking about his money and how much he has which can get kind of annoying sometimes. Also hes showing clingy signs like mostly every time he text me he text me at least 3-4 text at once, granted their not long text, but still. Another time he told me that I never call him when I had just called him the day before & we talked for a half hour. He also will text me again if I don't answer him within like 5min. How should I deal with him moving forward if at all. Sometimes I like him, but then other times his behavior turns me off . Edited November 29, 2014 by Beautiful Kisses typos
confused_gf Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 A lot of red flags, I would walk (run!) away. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 He told me he hasn't had sex in a year in a half since his last relationship ended with his kids mother. Hold up. He drops this gem on you at the end of the first date, and you are worried that he might be clingy? So you don't care about being seen as a cum dumpster, as long as the guy doesn't exhibit clingy behavior? 1
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Well I met this guy about 3 weeks ago, on a dating site. He came to see me a week after we met and I can say that we had a good time. Towards the end of the night tho I was ready to just go home because he kept wanting to kiss & I wasn't feeling it. He told me he hasn't had aex in a year in a half since his last relationship ended with his kids mother. He's a pretty stable guy, drives a nice car owns his home and works a good job. He's always talking about his money though which can get kind of annoying sometimes. Also hes showing clingy signs like mostly every time he text me he text me at least 3-4 text at once, granted their not long text, but still. Another time he told me that I never call him when I had just called him the say before & we talked for a half hour. He also will text me again if I don't answer him within like 5min. How should I deal with him moving forward if at all. Sometimes I like him, but then other times his behavior turns me off . Listen to what your gut instinct is telling you here and get rid is my advice. YOU don't even want to kiss him. His behaviour is clingy and annoying, try that in 6 months time? I think you see him as having potential ie owns own home, drives nice car and has a good job and no doubt has money, but he acts like a jerk and you are not really attracted to him. Perhaps he is not really ready for a relationship yet, perhaps is gf dumped him and he has trust issues, but that is not really your concern, is it?
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 Hold up. He drops this gem on you at the end of the first date, and you are worried that he might be clingy? So you don't care about being seen as a cum dumpster, as long as the guy doesn't exhibit clingy behavior? Huh? I includes this detail because I'm thinking that was the reason why he was so affectionate and wanting to kiss, but I wasn't having it.
writergal Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 He also will text me again if I don't answer him within like 5min. How should I deal with him moving forward if at all. His incessant texting is an attempt to control and manipulate you, so that he will dictate everything you do and say in the relationship moving forward. The only personal space you'll have with this guy if you date him, will be when you're at work for 8 hours. He'll only be able to harass you via text, email, and phone calls if he doesn't show up to your workplace. Later, he'll accuse you of cheating on him (if you have any platonic male friends), and try to force you not to socialize without him in tow. Yeah, this guy sounds like a gem. Who cares if he owns his own home, has a good job and has money. Plenty of abusive guys have those things. So that material stuff is immaterial here. How should you deal with him moving forward, if at all? . Politely decline dating him via text. There are probably more red flags than what's obvious from your OP. Then delete and block his phone number b/c he won't give up bombarding your cell phone with text messages and phone calls. 2
FitChick Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 (edited) I say give him a chance but set boundaries, i.e. "I am not really a texter so please don't get too worried if you don't hear from me right away." "I am not comfortable being sexual with someone I've only just started dating." Find out why he didn't marry the woman he knocked up. How old is the kid? What is his relationship with the mother -- friendly or full of drama? I would rather date someone a bit clingy so I know where I stand than a guy who is playing it cool and is standoffish. A clingy person, once they feel secure over time, generally becomes less so. If he likes you more, you have control now in the relationship so speak up if you don't like certain behaviors. If he wants to keep seeing you he will want to please you. Edited November 29, 2014 by FitChick 2
FitChick Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 His incessant texting is an attempt to control and manipulate you, so that he will dictate everything you do and say in the relationship moving forward. The only personal space you'll have with this guy if you date him, will be when you're at work for 8 hours. He'll only be able to harass you via text, email, and phone calls if he doesn't show up to your workplace. Later, he'll accuse you of cheating on him (if you have any platonic male friends), and try to force you not to socialize without him in tow. Yeah, this guy sounds like a gem. Who cares if he owns his own home, has a good job and has money. Plenty of abusive guys have those things. So that material stuff is immaterial here. How should you deal with him moving forward, if at all? . Politely decline dating him via text. There are probably more red flags than what's obvious from your OP. Then delete and block his phone number b/c he won't give up bombarding your cell phone with text messages and phone calls. You have a wild imagination and seem to be attracted to unavailable men so I have a feeling that a man showing interest seems strange to you. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Huh? I includes this detail because I'm thinking that was the reason why he was so affectionate and wanting to kiss, but I wasn't having it. I'm an affectionate man, but I don't drop sexual comments such as I've hadn't had sex for a certain amount of time on first or even third date. The fact that he is talking about himself, his car, his money, and then sending you lots of texts, is the typical sign that he is looking for a booty call. Many women have recounted similar experiences on LS, and follow the same pattern. Him dropping the sexual comment is a glowing neon sign indicating just that. I can assure you, he is not clingy, he is just horny. 3
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I'm an affectionate man, but I don't drop sexual comments such as I've hadn't had sex for a certain amount of time on first or even third date. The fact that he is talking about himself, his car, his money, and then sending you lots of texts, is the typical sign that he is looking for a booty call. Many women have recounted similar experiences on LS, and follow the same pattern. Him dropping the sexual comment is a glowing neon sign indicating just that. I can assure you, he is not clingy, he is just horny. Good point, he is showing you how good a catch he is, and he is even showing some vulnerability, "pity me I have not had sex in 1.5 years", his "clingyness" is an attempt at control, but it comes more across as desperation. Julien Blanc would be proud of him, but he needs a few more lessons yet.
FitChick Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Easily remedied by putting off sex. If that's all he wants he will go elsewhere. Good advice for anyone.
deathandtaxes Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Has he had a relationship in that whole time? I'd be worried about being a rebound. And he sounds very insecure. The whole money thing...what a put off. If you really like him, establish boundaries NOW. 1
Divasu Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I think both men AND women exhibit their own "clingy" tendencies at different stages and at varying levels. For instance, I've noticed I can become "clingy" when I've reached an uncertainty period. That usually manifests after I've become more emotionally attached. But in the beginnng, I am more relaxed. Whereas, a man I was scheduled to go on a date with (this was sometime last year), blew up my phone after the 1st night I met him, with texts asking question after question like "are you a nice girl", "are you seeing anyone". He also rushed to get me to kiss him as I was leaving, asking me "not to go home yet" (keep in mind, it was already like 1am). He was recently divorced, so, I understood. I didn't see it as he's "a bad guy", just, not right for me at that juncture. So, maybe try to keep that in mind (the cling factor) while also listening to what your instincts are trying to tell you. 2
FitChick Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 a man I was scheduled to go on a date with blew up my phone after the 1st night I met him, with texts asking question after question like "are you a nice girl" Was this 1955?
max5050 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 His incessant texting is an attempt to control and manipulate you, so that he will dictate everything you do and say in the relationship moving forward. The only personal space you'll have with this guy if you date him, will be when you're at work for 8 hours. He'll only be able to harass you via text, email, and phone calls if he doesn't show up to your workplace. Later, he'll accuse you of cheating on him (if you have any platonic male friends), and try to force you not to socialize without him in tow. Yeah, this guy sounds like a gem. Who cares if he owns his own home, has a good job and has money. Plenty of abusive guys have those things. So that material stuff is immaterial here. How should you deal with him moving forward, if at all? . Politely decline dating him via text. There are probably more red flags than what's obvious from your OP. Then delete and block his phone number b/c he won't give up bombarding your cell phone with text messages and phone calls. You're jumping to conclusions.
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 I say give him a chance but set boundaries, i.e. "I am not really a texter so please don't get too worried if you don't hear from me right away." "I am not comfortable being sexual with someone I've only just started dating." Find out why he didn't marry the woman he knocked up. How old is the kid? What is his relationship with the mother -- friendly or full of drama? I would rather date someone a bit clingy so I know where I stand than a guy who is playing it cool and is standoffish. A clingy person, once they feel secure over time, generally becomes less so. If he likes you more, you have control now in the relationship so speak up if you don't like certain behaviors. If he wants to keep seeing you he will want to please you. Well he said that they have a very good relationship, he said he pays her rent & gives her money every week. His youngest is 2 years old. I actually get turned off by him talking about how much money he has and blah, blah, blah because I feel like he's almost trying to win me over with money. He's already offered to buy me a very expensive gift for my upcoming birthday. I'm just not feeling it like that,he seems pushy. Now he wants to know when he can come back up to see me. I feel semi-smothered already gosh.
writergal Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 You're jumping to conclusions. No I'm not. I'm offering an opinion of a possible scenario that you and FitChick disagree with. OP's date may be a harmless, horny Stage 5 clinger, or he could be worse. No one knows. Not even the shadow knows. 1
Divasu Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Was this 1955? Oh Well, he asked the question one hour post a night of grabbing my hands and trying to coax me out of my car as I was trying to pull away in my car asking me for a kiss. Confusion city.
writergal Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Well he said that they have a very good relationship, he said he pays her rent & gives her money every week. His youngest is 2 years old. I actually get turned off by him talking about how much money he has and blah, blah, blah because I feel like he's almost trying to win me over with money. He's already offered to buy me a very expensive gift for my upcoming birthday. I'm just not feeling it like that,he seems pushy. Now he wants to know when he can come back up to see me. I feel semi-smothered already gosh. OP already feels smothered by the guy who has control over his ex because he pays her rent. His bravado is a smoke screen. OP doesn't want to accept an expensive birthday gift (i.e. BRIBE) from the guy she barely knows. Uh, I'd say those are warning signs of what's to come. He thinks he can buy your love / attention. This guy doesn't do well with boundaries does he. OP if you're not feeling good about this guy just cut it off now. There are plenty of fish in the sea, to match you with so that you can experience some eharmony in your love life. Ok, cupid?
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 Oh Well, he asked the question one hour post a night of grabbing my hands and trying to coax me out of my car as I was trying to pull away in my car asking me for a kiss. Confusion city. Omg this is kinda similar to what happened to me that night too. It was past 1am and he still didn't want me to leave. The next morning he was trying to see me again :rolleyes:
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 OP already feels smothered by the guy who has control over his ex because he pays her rent. His bravado is a smoke screen. OP doesn't want to accept an expensive birthday gift (i.e. BRIBE) from the guy she barely knows. Uh, I'd say those are warning signs of what's to come. He thinks he can buy your love / attention. This guy doesn't do well with boundaries does he. OP if you're not feeling good about this guy just cut it off now. There are plenty of fish in the sea, to match you with so that you can experience some eharmony in your love life. Ok, cupid? Heck yea! I declined that gift, IT TURNED ME OFF! like why would you spend over $100 on someone you JUST MET. He just seems to desperate for me. 2
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 You have a wild imagination and seem to be attracted to unavailable men so I have a feeling that a man showing interest seems strange to you. Man that was my problem for years. Give him ago i say. Men don't know how to interact with women if they're been single for a while. They kind of act a bit weird because they're so excited at the new prospect of a new relationship. Don't let that bother you. He may learn over time.
Divasu Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Omg this is kinda similar to what happened to me that night too. It was past 1am and he still didn't want me to leave. The next morning he was trying to see me again :rolleyes: Nothing wrong with him wanting to see you again, that's a good sign. My shared experience was merely trying to point out the difference in the cling factor. Think of, for instance, the times you've exhibited it yourself. So, you could say that this man was highly attracted to you physically, which is flattering/a nice compliment. 1
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Beautiful kisses has hardly said one good thing about this man, so whilst we can make excuse after excuse for him, there is hardly a strong connection here. WE are not the ones feeling annoyed by his texts, we did not feel repelled when he tried to kiss her, we are not turned off by his constant talk of money, we are not feeling silly being offered a huge gift. WE were not embarrassed by his admission he has not had sex for 1.5 years... So whilst there may be good enough reasons for why he acts like this, then I feel there is no reason for her to keep contact with a man who is making her feel uncomfortable 1
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted November 30, 2014 Author Posted November 30, 2014 Beautiful kisses has hardly said one good thing about this man, so whilst we can make excuse after excuse for him, there is hardly a strong connection here. WE are not the ones feeling annoyed by his texts, we did not feel repelled when he tried to kiss her, we are not turned off by his constant talk of money, we are not feeling silly being offered a huge gift. WE were not embarrassed by his admission he has not had sex for 1.5 years... So whilst there may be good enough reasons for why he acts like this, then I feel there is no reason for her to keep contact with a man who is making her feel uncomfortable Right! And him calling me babe & baby this doesn't make sit well with me either. I just want to know how can I nicely break it off with him? 2
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