Finding out crappy news, why do i care?

[love2ride]

Been broken up and moved out since August. Been in contract and tried friends after two months and slept together. Chased her until a week ago. Now its NC. Brief summary ....

 

Anyway i'm having a really hard time with my breakup and missing my ex and her two kids. We were together almost two years. I'm in a depression, on anti depressant meds and seeing a therapist. SO last night i'm out for sushi with a friend of mine. She is a nurse at the local hospital and started hanging out after my ex and I broke up. She is single too and her ex moved back to Greece a few months ago. We have become good friends and she has given me a lot of support with my break up and depression. I know she likes me and would have a relationship with me. She is trying to get me to move into her place and rent a room. She says it would be cheaper than where i'm renting now and I wouldn't be so lonely. I've been hesitant because I don't want to lose my independence. I also know she wants to have sex with me, i'm not interested in her at all like that. I don't find her attractive and i'm not over my ex.

 

Anyway so thats some background, last night out for sushi and she starts talking about some other nurse at work that went to school with my ex and has her on Facebook. She says that my ex put a picture up of her and a cute guy on instagram. Right away I felt ill, my entire body went numb. It hurt so bad. Then I told her I would rather not talk about anything to do with my ex because it hurts. She then proceeds to tell me that the picture is no longer up, it was taken down.

 

So we got the bill and left and started driving back to her place. I felt like crap.

 

Then I said, "like why would you tell me that anyway, you know i'm not over her and I hurt everyday."

 

She said oh she forgot and didn't mean to. Then I got angry and said, "don't you have anything better to talk about at work than me and my ex, why am I subject of your conversation anyway? I ****ing hate gossip and would appreciate if my private life wasn't subject of conversation with people I barely know."

 

We were supposed to hang out at her place but I felt ill and left. I started crying and couldn't go home so drove an hour to my parents. Now either she was making it up to try and get me to stop thinking about my ex so I would be with her or its true. Now it doesn't matter either way because my ex doesn't want me back and she is dating, so its gonna happen anyway but it ****ing hurts. So the entire night visions of her making love to another guy went through my head. I didn't sleep a wink and just drove home now to get ready for work.

 

I'm jealous that she is with someone and feeling fine and moving on while I can't find anyone to date, and seem to be living a miserable life with no dreams or goals anymore. It just sucks!

 

Now i'm not sure why I care about my ex, I must have some underlying issues. Maybe its because i'm lonely or because I suffer from anxiety and depression that break ups affect me so much. I seem to obsess my thoughts over her all day and night. The relationship was not good and she is not a nice person. The relationship started just before Christmas two years ago. I'm a tattoo artist and she was a client. We had an immediate spark and connection. She was engaged at the time and living in a beautiful home with her two kids from a previous marriage with her new fiancé of 6 years. She pursued me even though I tried to stop it and new it was wrong. I told her to break up with her fiancé if she wasn't happy and after a month get in touch if she was still interested in dating.

 

Well that never happened I couldn't resist her and she wouldn't stop pursuing me. Eventually she moved downstairs of there house and she started to make plans to leave. After a month we moved into a basement suite together and I became dad to her two kids. Almost right away we started to fight. I know I wasn't perfect in the relationship but she overreacted about everything and was never happy with me. She was verbally abusive and threatened to break up with me all the time. We were dealing with a lot of stress in our life. Her family didn't like me because of my tattoos and didn't approve of what she did so that was a huge problem. Anyway we eventually moved into a townhouse and things didn't get much better. Constant arguing until she packed my stuff one day and asksed me to leave. I wasn't sure how serious she was because it wasn't the first time. I ended up moving into a friends place. We were broken up for about three months and got back together again after I begged and told her I would change. It was a year ago this December. I had gone into a depression then too and it went away after we got back together.

 

Things seemed fine for awhile and then we slipped back into our old ways and there were more threats of breaking up with me. She wanted to get married the entire time but I wasn't ready to propose until we could get along. So after a small fight in last August I came home to a letter that she was done, didn't see marriage in our future and to leave. She had moved all my belongings downstairs. So during the 3 weeks while I was trying to find a place to live, she seemed fine. She would still have sex with me but had turned off emotionally. Then she did a 180 and started calling me names and told me I was a piece of garbage and pathetic for 39. She took my keys because she thought I was gonna steal from her and gave me three days to find a place or she was changing the locks. So i finally moved out and was relieved to be out. She started texting me immediately, how she missed me etc. I ignored them for a month.

 

Then a month later calls me in the middle of the night saying its and emergency. I go over there and she is vomitting. I dropped her off at emergency and told her not to contact me again. A week later she started texting me again. I ignored them. She never once said she wanted me back. About this time I started talking with another girl on Skype. She was obviously looking on my Facebook or instagram even though I have her blocked on social media. She made another account or something. She saw i had sent this girl flowers thats when she contacted me and wanted to make amends and be friends. Like an idiot I started talking to her again and one thing led to another and we hooked up a few times. Thats when i wanted her back and started chasing her until a week ago where she said she was moving on and that I was just causing her stress and that I will meet someone that will love me entirely and a bunch of other **** I can't interpret but saying something like we were soul mates but only for the short term, not the long term and that we were better as friends. She then said maybe we can be friends but for now i need to give her space and if i love her i will let her move on.

 

Now I know this chick has issues and that I was never happy when i was in the relationship. We had a cray sexual connection and i'm still very attracted to her physically. I think this is part of the problem. I want her for the physical aspect. So why do I hurt so much and miss her? Is it because it was my life for two years and she was the only person i really hung out with? Is it because she is moving on and I can't seem too?

 

If anyone can shed any light on this it would be great. I'm really struggling and I know i need to let go and move on because its over. I have to work today and i feel like crap and just wanna cry. I want to let go and be happy again but I feel i'm doomed at 39 living in this smaller town with not many friends. I wanna have a family and feel like I lost one. I need help.

[smackie9]

This might help you....How to Start Separating Yourself from a Codependent Relationship | World of Psychology

[smackie9]

What scares me is how oblivious you are to how toxic of a person she is, and the lack of self worth you have. She can't be fixed, but you can work on repairing yourself. Since you are suffering from depression, I suggest some counseling by a professional. This nurse friend also needs to be nixed out of your life too. She has no sympathy and is driven by her own desires.....she is toxic too. You need to stop ignoring these red flags with these women. Being vulnerable makes you an easy target....

[love2ride]

Thankyou this is absolutely me

[love2ride]

So three days ago she sent me the email, "Your officially blocked, blah blah blah Good luck in life."

 

Just now a stupid text from her asking if i deleted my netflix account. I guess she was still using it. Ya i changed the settings so u couldn't watch it. Like wtf now you and ur new boyfriend can't cuddle and watch netflix in bed. BITCH! I won't respond!

[smackie9]

So three days ago she sent me the email, "Your officially blocked, blah blah blah Good luck in life."

 

Just now a stupid text from her asking if i deleted my netflix account. I guess she was still using it. Ya i changed the settings so u couldn't watch it. Like wtf now you and ur new boyfriend can't cuddle and watch netflix in bed. BITCH! I won't respond!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r6nLgW5Gg0

[RedButton]

So three days ago she sent me the email, "Your officially blocked, blah blah blah Good luck in life."

 

Just now a stupid text from her asking if i deleted my netflix account. I guess she was still using it. Ya i changed the settings so u couldn't watch it. Like wtf now you and ur new boyfriend can't cuddle and watch netflix in bed. BITCH! I won't respond!

 

Mate, I really feel for you, sounds like you're going through some hard times and you got a bit heart.

 

Do you have any friends that weren't mutual or that didn't know your ex very well? If you do, it might be best to spend some time exclusively with them. If not, maybe spend some time on your own or try to take up something new to get away from everything.

 

I know right now everything sucks and you're angry, but I would ask not ot make any big decisions like moving just yet. I know when I broke up I was already looking at plane tickets back home a week later. I set a hard deadline for myself, no big decisions until New Year (2 months after breakup) because I was too emotional. I'm glad I did, and even a month later I'm thinking I might hang around a bit longer.

 

I really hope you get through this okay, but try to cut contact with her entirely and keep mutual friends or even friends that knew her to very limited contact. I know when I saw mutual friends after the fact I was nearly in tears from the memories. It'll get easier but right now try to exist in a different world entirely.

[broken77]

What is it that she does that her parents don't approve?

[mrs.nalgena]

Please read about relationship attachment styles http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_stop_attachment_insecurity_from_ruining_your_love_life

What is Your Attachment Style?, Relationships ? Live Abundantly

I hope it helps you

Edited November 30, 2014 by mrs.nalgena

[elaine567]

You have to concentrate on the bad times and not fantasise that this was the only woman for you as it is so obvious that she was not.

 

You feel she was not a nice person and you spent most of your time together fighting it appears too, so that sounds toxic to me.

 

You are sad and lonely and you are grasping at straws here.

I would make your feelings for the nurse abundantly clear, sit her down and say you do not see any prospect of you having a relationship with her now or in the future.

That will clear the air and you will then see if her offer of a room is genuine friendship, or was just an excuse to get you into bed.

 

Whether or not you end up staying at her place or not, you need to sort out some better permanent accommodation for yourself ASAP. Having a secure base will make you feel better. Throw yourself into your work or the gym or a hobby or anything that will take your mind off her, but keep doing something, anything.

Sitting around moping will solve nothing.

This is a clear case of a relationship that sounds toxic, so there should be no regrets or worries that you did the wrong thing, so you need to thank your lucky stars you are now free and can move on.

[love2ride]

Ya I had told the nurse on previous occasions I wasn't over my ex, saw her as a friend, didn't want to have sex and was depressed. She is just a manipulative person I guess. I know longer want the nurse in my life and told her so. She said she didn't start the gossip and was only the messenger. lol like thats just as bad, the point is you told me even though you knew it would hurt me. I don't need those people in my life.