KindlyUnspoken23 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I was just wondering how you guys deal with something that doesn't have any labels. He hasnt said if we're dating, seeing each other, friends with benefits, exclusive, non exclusive, etc. We have been out twice, spent the night together 5 times, only had sex once. He has admitted that he likes me, cares for me very deeply, and wants a relationship with me someday when things settle down. But right now, I don't know what we are and it stinks. He refers to everyone he works with as his "restaurant family" and I don't think he'd date any of them, but there's one girl I was worried about because she began to like/comment on everything he put on facebook. He texted her the other day while I was laying next to him, and told me who she was (without me asking), and said she was part of the family. So I don't THINK I have anything to worry about, but my paranoia sometimes gets the best of me. Him and I even ordered tickets to an event in January, so I should think of that as a good sign. I don't want to scare him away by asking for a label, but not knowing stinks. I really like him and care about him and would love to be with him. I don't have any other guys I'm talking to right now, and I suppose I'm not stopping it if one were to come along, but I'm so confused.
mariekatie Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I was just wondering how you guys deal with something that doesn't have any labels. He hasnt said if we're dating, seeing each other, friends with benefits, exclusive, non exclusive, etc. We have been out twice, spent the night together 5 times, only had sex once. He has admitted that he likes me, cares for me very deeply, and wants a relationship with me someday when things settle down. But right now, I don't know what we are and it stinks. He refers to everyone he works with as his "restaurant family" and I don't think he'd date any of them, but there's one girl I was worried about because she began to like/comment on everything he put on facebook. He texted her the other day while I was laying next to him, and told me who she was (without me asking), and said she was part of the family. So I don't THINK I have anything to worry about, but my paranoia sometimes gets the best of me. Him and I even ordered tickets to an event in January, so I should think of that as a good sign. I don't want to scare him away by asking for a label, but not knowing stinks. I really like him and care about him and would love to be with him. I don't have any other guys I'm talking to right now, and I suppose I'm not stopping it if one were to come along, but I'm so confused. Ask him, you have the rights to clarify. If i were you, i'll talk to him. It will be hard to talk about such topics but it's necessary. Well if he's scared of labels more than scared of losing you, it's not worth it isn't it? You don't have to ask for labels but clarify with him.
Divasu Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 You're the only one who can assess what your limitations are, we can't define those for you. He can't define those for you either. It seems to be that he is not ready for more than what he's already stated. So, that is where "you are". No need to push for more at this juncture.
RebelWithoutACause Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 wants a relationship with me someday when things settle down. When somebody says the above, 99 out of 100 times it means they want to keep their options open. People will juggle busy jobs, children, family issues, health issues, etc. to make sure they get with the person they are really interested in. This guy is just keeping you around without having to commit to anything until he meets someone he likes better. You're way more into him than he is and you will keep putting yourself thru endless confusion and frustration unless you take a step back now and start treating this as what it is, casual, friendly and fwb at best. Think about it, if he wanted to really be with you and date you he would. It's not he can't, it's that he doesn't want to. This is the obvious truth, everything else is wishful thinking. 2
BuckleShuffle Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I was the guy in this scenario. We'd hook up. We were exes already though. Idk why I felt scared about commitment. We were exes/best friends hooking up and couldn't find a label and this mentally drained her. One time we hooked up and her feelings caught on strong enough that she was really sad right after that I wasn't ready. That's the last time I do that to a woman's feelings. Anyways I think he's like me. A commitmentphobe. Right now you gotta make him come to YOU. Because to him, he knows he has you in some regards physically/emotionally and isn't worried about moving further. Guys will feel satisfied in this position. You will notice it's usually girls who want to final label(generalizing). Anyhow talk with him. If it scares him away then you know he was just hoping things would remain "label-less" while he could still get to you emotionally and physically. Good luck.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 I will never understand a woman's need to put a name to everything. What is, is. A label does not change the nature of things. Theres nothing wrong with a label or at least clarification. Its better than assuming and when s/he shows up randomly with another girl/guy, you are heartbroken. Like I've heard on here before, if you are sleeping with him, you should be comfortable enough to talk to him. If you can't deal with the label (or lack thereof)...let him go. It won't get better. Also, you don't seem to have been out much...2 dates, 5 sleepovers? How long have y'all been doing whatever y'all have been doing?
KatZee Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 I mean honestly, he has no reason to take things any further with you. He gets all the perks of a girlfriend with zero drama of a girlfriend. What do you mean he would want a relationship someday when things "settle down" ? When what settles down? Also, if he wanted a relationship with you, he'd be in a relationship with you. Now. Not tomorrow, not a week from now, and especially not something as ambiguous as "someday." Can you see how ridiculous this statement looks? What does he expect you to do? Sit around with your thumb up your a.ss waiting on "someday"? I'd walk if I were you. No ultimatums, no getting angry, just walk. And leave it with this: "I've enjoyed the time we've spent together but you're not giving me what I need and I would like to be free to find what I'm looking for." 2
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