Sarah2015 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 A month ago, I met a guy online and we texted back and forth daily (great, funny convos). Met him in person and (he was unfortunately very slightly drunk-had a bad day apparently) but was still quite coherent and interesting. He talked a lot about himself (possibly due to the alcohol) but otherwise we were attracted to each other and he said he asked for a second date. I politely declined. Now 2 weeks later, I am sitting here wondering if things would have been different if he had not had multiple drinks prior to the date? Maybe I should I given him the benefit of the doubt...? Would it be too awkward to reach out to him via text now? Thanks!
shet Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 You can do it and you might get to see him again but you will be handing him a sense of power that isn't ideal. To contact him, after a month, after you rejected him, makes you seem like you've no options and backtracked on your dismissal of him. I don't know how you navigate that conversation.
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 A month ago, I met a guy online and we texted back and forth daily (great, funny convos). Met him in person and (he was unfortunately very slightly drunk-had a bad day apparently) but was still quite coherent and interesting. He talked a lot about himself (possibly due to the alcohol) but otherwise we were attracted to each other and he said he asked for a second date. I politely declined. Now 2 weeks later, I am sitting here wondering if things would have been different if he had not had multiple drinks prior to the date? Maybe I should I given him the benefit of the doubt...? Would it be too awkward to reach out to him via text now? Thanks! Why was he drunk? Is what you have to ask, bad day or just a habitual drunk? Why if he was about to meet you, was he drunk? Is it not good to put your best foot forward if you are trying to impress someone? If he isn't too interested about impressing you on your first date, how does that look for the future? Things to think about before you go potentially careering into a relationship with him. 1
mariekatie Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 It's not awkward. You should text him instead of having regrets. But i would be more concerned about why were he drinking before meeting you? He should had brought out the best in him in the first meeting.
writergal Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I agree with the others. His drinking is a huge red flag. Who shows up drunk to a first date? I mean, you have no idea if he'd been drinking already before he met you. There are two types of drunks; the wet drunk and the dry drunk. The wet drunk can't even function (pay bills, show up to work on time). The wet drunk does everything on his own terms. The dry drunk can function in society but blames everyone else for his problems (no driver license, unemployed, divorced, deadbeat parent, etc.). He sees himself as a victim of everyone else. If he spent the first date talking about himself, that's a huge red flag too. He'll probably still be that way (make every interaction about himself when he's with you) if you meet up with him again. It's been one month since you went on a first date and you politely declined when he asked you out for a 2nd. You already have your own answer: you don't want to see him again. If you did you would have accepted his 2nd date invitation and gone out again. But I think you know deep down a 2nd date with him is a mistake because of his drinking and the fact that he only talked about himself on the 1st date. 2
angel.eyes Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I give guys a lot of leeway on a first date. Showing up drunk for the date though is an absolute deal breaker in my book. Why are you second guessing yourself now?
Author Sarah2015 Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 I agree that showing up drunk (or having any alcohol in your system is unacceptable). But I think he was pleasantly surprised that after meeting he was really interested in me. He is going through a rough time with one of his friends. Does not seem like an alcoholic. Even if he ignores me, would it hurt to just say [hey how are you doing?]. He has probably moved on, but I think it would still be nice to just keep in touch as friends if anything. He was a pretty entertaining person...more fun than some of my friends.
Author Sarah2015 Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 Perhaps he is a dry drunk, but he has a great job is a hard worker, earning a degree on the side. Yes, he is not perfect. Maybe a bit on the overly confident side, but definitely not one to make excuses.
Frank2thepoint Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Perhaps he is a dry drunk, but he has a great job is a hard worker, earning a degree on the side. Yes, he is not perfect. Maybe a bit on the overly confident side, but definitely not one to make excuses. Well this will turn out well. You don't even really know him, and you are already making excuses for him. Should we all save you a spot here on LS, say six months from now, when you'll be upset with yourself for giving an alcoholic a try and he just took you for granted? 1
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Well this will turn out well. You don't even really know him, and you are already making excuses for him. Should we all save you a spot here on LS, say six months from now, when you'll be upset with yourself for giving an alcoholic a try and he just took you for granted? Yes, "My bf is a narcissist with a drink problem, what can I do to help him?" 1
writergal Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I agree that showing up drunk (or having any alcohol in your system is unacceptable). But I think he was pleasantly surprised that after meeting he was really interested in me. He is going through a rough time with one of his friends. Does not seem like an alcoholic. Even if he ignores me, would it hurt to just say [hey how are you doing?]. He has probably moved on, but I think it would still be nice to just keep in touch as friends if anything. He was a pretty entertaining person...more fun than some of my friends. If a dry drunk guy you met on a 1st date and haven't talked to since, seems more entertaining than your current set of friends...wow. Set the bar low often, do you? Exactly how boring are your friends? Exactly how funny is dry drunk guy? So, it may be "fun" to have a dry drunk guy on-call to entertain you when your boring friends aren't available? Dry drunks never seem like alcoholics, hence the AA term "dry drunk." They can disguise their alcoholism so that they can hide in plain sight in society, to appear as just another upright citizen. Meanwhile, they have a litre of Vodka for breakfast, a 6 pack of PBR for lunch, and for dinner, well, the bar is open. If you've never been friends with or dated (or related to) an alcoholic, you really don't know what mess you'd be getting yourself into, if you contact this guy via text. Everyone here can tell you how it will end: badly.
Author Sarah2015 Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 Thanks for the input everyone! Appreciate it. Lots of good insight..i guess my gut feeling was right to reject him in the first place. 1
smackie9 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Thanks for the input everyone! Appreciate it. Lots of good insight..i guess my gut feeling was right to reject him in the first place. Yes it was right. Anyone who shows up to a date already into the sauce is a warning. It's true that first impressions DO COUNT. 1
DivorcedDad123 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I did this on a first date with one woman. We can drink at work and we tend to cook out on Fridays during the summer. I had a few beers at work,then when she and I went out,we both had a few and mine added up. I wasn't drunk, but I felt pretty good. Not my best foot forward,but I'm not out to impress anyone. It was a date and they can take it or leave it.That was over 1.5 years ago. She text me a couple of weeks ago and still can't find a guy. She was fishing to see if I was available again, but no, I'm not. My point is,one date does not a person make OP. If you want to go out with him again, go out with him. See if this is a pattern or if it was just a one time thing.
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I did this on a first date with one woman. We can drink at work and we tend to cook out on Fridays during the summer. I had a few beers at work,then when she and I went out,we both had a few and mine added up. I wasn't drunk, but I felt pretty good. Not my best foot forward,but I'm not out to impress anyone. It was a date and they can take it or leave it.That was over 1.5 years ago. She text me a couple of weeks ago and still can't find a guy. She was fishing to see if I was available again, but no, I'm not. My point is,one date does not a person make OP. If you want to go out with him again, go out with him. See if this is a pattern or if it was just a one time thing. Your ex date is now desperately trying to revisit drunk guys from 1.5 years ago??!!
deathandtaxes Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 It doesn't hurt anything to reach out and go out again. That's one of the prerogatives of being an adult - changing your mind. Reaching out isn't a commitment, neither is going out again. You'll regret more not reaching out than you would taking another hour or two of your time on a random night. Now if he shows up having had beers before you two meet, then there's a problem.
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 It doesn't hurt anything to reach out and go out again. That's one of the prerogatives of being an adult - changing your mind. Reaching out isn't a commitment, neither is going out again. You'll regret more not reaching out than you would taking another hour or two of your time on a random night. Now if he shows up having had beers before you two meet, then there's a problem. OK but as an adult you have to be wary of red flags and protect yourself too. Drunk is not the only red flag here, talking about himself all night is another one, is it not? 2
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