slimmontana Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Original thread link is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/491758-damn-why-did-she-break-up-me Wow I havent been on here since late August!! Time to Update!!!! I have maintained No contact with the ex since we broke up. 0 Contact whats so ever i my end. I did find myself stalking her facebook..but I have stopped havent even logged in to facebook since October. Because she would always pop up on my news feed...I decided i didnt want to know anything about her anymore. Even though I do miss her terribly. I rarely miss anyone. She did email me though..This is exactly what she wrote "i dont have your number anymore after my phone crashed. i need a favor. i need to do a cma for a property in miami-dade and i need access to the mls there. i understand if you dont want to help me. lmk..." She works as a Realtor and I am a Realtor as well. She needed access to some property down in my area. She sent me the email on Nov 7th I didnt see it until the 17th of November. I havent replied. Its been 3 months since I have had any communication with her. I'm wondering subconsciously why she sent that email. She works for a large organization to where she can reach out to a Realtor within her company who can get that information for her. Now whats next? I just hope this feeling of missing her will pass... What would you guys do? Would you email her back? Text her back? Call her or just leave it alone?
idoltree Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 What would you guys do? Would you email her back? Text her back? Call her or just leave it alone? Hard to say why she's sent you the email without the ability to be inside of her head. Your comment that she could get the information from someone other than you does indeed make this suspicious, and it is not unheard of for an ex to find an excuse to make an initial contact to avoid having to put themselves out there. But we don't know why. It could just be curiosity, wanting to find out if you still have feelings for her, she could be confused and missing you without intentions, or she could be missing you and open to working things out. You'll never know which it is. So in deciding what to do, you need to make a decision that puts your well-being first, not hers. Your options are: Answer her. If you choose to do this, I'd suggest you email a cordial but businesslike response: "I just saw this message and I assume you've found another source of assistance by now. Hope you're doing well!"Not answer her. You open a can of worms with either approach. If you answer, you may not hear from her at all. You may get something that will hurt you ("I'm soooo happy!") You may get a response that is just as vague as yours which you'll be tempted to read into. The benefit of answering is that you won't have any "what ifs?" and you let her know that you won't bite her head off if she contacts you. Are the benefits worth the potential pain? If you don't answer, you take care of yourself. But you may be left with "what ifs?" So what can you handle right now? How are you going to cope if you send a reply and don't hear back from her or get a response that hurts your feelings? What if this is just a contact to see if you're still hung up on her? How will you feel if you let this go? Will you always regret not responding? These are the questions you need to answer in order to know what to do.
Author slimmontana Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 So what can you handle right now? How are you going to cope if you send a reply and don't hear back from her or get a response that hurts your feelings? What if this is just a contact to see if you're still hung up on her? How will you feel if you let this go? Will you always regret not responding? These are the questions you need to answer in order to know what to do. Thanks for the insightful reply. If I send a reply I am thinking about just replying with my phone number and thats it...Leave the ball in her court sorta speak. That way she knows I am not going to bite her head off and its ok to contact me. Im not going to reply to what she asked me because its been 3 weeks ago so its no longer relevant. I am not ready to reply though....I want to reply when I am emotionally strong enough to do so and have her text me back. Would love some feedback...thanks
evanescentworld Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Honest reply? delete, forget, move on. Potential drama. Let it go.
Author slimmontana Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 Honest reply? delete, forget, move on. Potential drama. Let it go. Appreciate it...why do you feel that way though? Our relationship was pretty drama free...I do want to link up with her at some point in the future..just not now
6Pack Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Original thread link is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/491758-damn-why-did-she-break-up-me Wow I havent been on here since late August!! Time to Update!!!! I have maintained No contact with the ex since we broke up. 0 Contact whats so ever i my end. I did find myself stalking her facebook..but I have stopped havent even logged in to facebook since October. Because she would always pop up on my news feed...I decided i didnt want to know anything about her anymore. Even though I do miss her terribly. I rarely miss anyone. She did email me though..This is exactly what she wrote "i dont have your number anymore after my phone crashed. i need a favor. i need to do a cma for a property in miami-dade and i need access to the mls there. i understand if you dont want to help me. lmk..." She works as a Realtor and I am a Realtor as well. She needed access to some property down in my area. She sent me the email on Nov 7th I didnt see it until the 17th of November. I havent replied. Its been 3 months since I have had any communication with her. I'm wondering subconsciously why she sent that email. She works for a large organization to where she can reach out to a Realtor within her company who can get that information for her. Now whats next? I just hope this feeling of missing her will pass... What would you guys do? Would you email her back? Text her back? Call her or just leave it alone? All of the other replies are really good, but here is another option: Respond with a question. Email her back and say: "Hi there. Would'nt it be easier for you to just get this info through someone at your company?" Just say that; nothing else. What this does is causes her to reveal her hand, in some way, without you having to reveal anything about yours. 1
SoThatHappened Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 (edited) You unintentionally didn't contact her for 3 weeks since you didn't know about the email. That may have been the best thing to happen to you. You're still in the midst of being heartbroken. I wouldn't do a single thing until you're out of that fog. You even recognize that you're not ready to reply. Good job. I got a text from my ex 3 months after the breakup saying (paraphrasing) "I know you don't want to hear from me, but you're heavy on my mind. I'm so sorry for everything. I hope you're doing OK." I ran here for advice and was convinced to stay NC. So I did. Glad I did because who knows what a reply would have opened up. However, I don't want her back. You want yours back. It's one of those tricky situations where you don't know what will happen if you reply. You could get hurt further or you could start something up again. That's the risk. In my opinion, if she wants you back, she'll make sure you know that, and it won't be a "business-like" email. Stay strong and stay silent for now. Edit: I also like 6Pack's possible approach. Shows power and may force her to reveal her hand. Still, you have the risk vs. reward situation if you contact her in any way. Edited November 29, 2014 by SoThatHappened
6Pack Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 (edited) You unintentionally didn't contact her for 3 weeks since you didn't know about the email. That may have been the best thing to happen to you. You're still in the midst of being heartbroken. I wouldn't do a single thing until you're out of that fog. You even recognize that you're not ready to reply. Good job. I got a text from my ex 3 months after the breakup saying (paraphrasing) "I know you don't want to hear from me, but you're heavy on my mind. I'm so sorry for everything. I hope you're doing OK." I ran here for advice and was convinced to stay NC. So I did. Glad I did because who knows what a reply would have opened up. However, I don't want her back. You want yours back. It's one of those tricky situations where you don't know what will happen if you reply. You could get hurt further or you could start something up again. That's the risk. In my opinion, if she wants you back, she'll make sure you know that, and it won't be a "business-like" email. Stay strong and stay silent for now. Edit: I also like 6Pack's possible approach. Shows power and may force her to reveal her hand. Still, you have the risk vs. reward situation if you contact her in any way. Actually your response here is perfect. I didnt read the OP's post thoroughly enough, as I missed the part where he mentioned that the email was sent three weeks ago. So you are right, at this point, it is probably better for the OP to not respond at all. However, there is one option here, send an email that is semi-honest: "Hey there; sorry for the delayed response. I was super busy lately and was behind on checking emails. Was finally cleaning out emails and and saw your question. Did you get the info you are looking for?" Something like that. This way she doesnt feel completely ignored, and it re-opens the line of communication in case she actually is wanting to somehow communicate for more than a business need. It also leads to some intrigue: "Super busy? Whaaat? Is he seeing someone? Oh no!" Messes with her mind a little bit, makes it seem like you have easily found a replacement and might cause her to feel some regret. Its a form of game playing, I know, but ex'es seem to respond to this ploy very well. Edited November 29, 2014 by 6Pack
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