Am I right to feel hurt?

[KelCon]

Hi. Just wondering if anyone can give me advice as I'm feeling hurt and I don't know if I'm being over-sensitive or if it's normal to feel this way (I've only really been in long-term relationships, so I'm not experienced in dating).

 

Basically, I met a guy on a night out recently (I'm 24, he's 34). I went back to his house with him that night, but made clear even before doing so that I wasn't going there to sleep with him (I was drunk so was being very forward about how I felt about the situation). But we got on really well, so I did want to carry on the night with him. He said that he understood and just wanted to carry the night on a bit more.

 

So I went back to his and we chatted, drank some more and just had fun (no sex!). We did kiss, but that was it. I went home the next day and he texted me that same day just asking if I got home ok, etc.

 

For the next week / 2 weeks, he would text me all day every day (even when he was at work). We also spoke on the phone in this time. He would ask me about myself, things going on in my life, likes/ dislikes - you know, just stuff you ask when you're getting to know someone. The more we spoke, the more I liked him and the more he said he liked me.

 

Eventually we were able to meet up again. Anyway, long story short, we ended up sleeping together that night. Well, that's when things changed. The next day he was different, uninterested almost. I went home and heard nothing from him. I let a bit of time go by, then eventually texted him. He then told me some bull about having a lot going on at the moment and so he didn't have time for anything with anyone.

 

Basically, I was played. But I'm just wondering if, because I didn't know him for that long, I'm right to feel hurt? I've told friends about what happened but pretended I'm not bothered by it because I feel silly (and maybe a little crazy?) for feeling hurt by someone who I don't know that well. But it does hurt. So just wondering what others think; do you think you'd feel hurt? Or am I being crazy? Thanks

Edited November 29, 2014 by KelCon

[StalwartMind]

I don't see anything wrong with feeling hurt, it always makes you suspicious when someone drastically change their attitude, especially after a night of intimacy. It's always a risk to get involved with someone whom you perhaps don't know as well as you may of liked, and from what you wrote with his daily contacting you to making up excuses, yeah that kind of character change feels a bit stingy.

 

Not to change focus and turn this into an intimacy topic, but I personally feel it's rather silly to suddenly change character after one night of intimacy, but I'm well aware that people have different desires and tastes. All i know is that, even if your first encounter is not perfect, you are throwing a way everything if you base your full impression of just that. I'm sure some people click from first go, but others develop pure magic over time.

 

You are better off with someone else and don't feel bad or that anything is wrong with you. Through experience you'll find out that there are all types of people, whom desire all kinds of different things. He didn't seem like a classy guy from the little you wrote, and I really wouldn't put too much thought into it. Do not think ill of yourself, I don't and I'm sure others on this board will agree with that too. There are much better guys out there whom won't fill you with bull****.

[angel.eyes]

Sorry you were hurt.

 

Unfortunately, it sounds like he wanted a hookup. You were hoping for more. It happens. I understand why you feel hurt. It's a risk you take when you sleep with someone hoping they'll continue to see you, before you know much about his character or have any sort of commitment.There's also the higher risk of STIs as you aren't exclusive.