Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 I would think so, yes. However, some people may actually find it easier to open up to a relative stranger about such things than their friends/family as there isn't the risk of any real consequences if they take it badly. I wouldn't think a date would be someone you'd bring such things up to, however. Are you two together now? Later she shared that her struggle had led her to have to see a psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and a fork of OCD where she loved researching a specific topic. She had to see the psychiatrist because she struggled with violent dreams and similar brutal visions when she slept that she had developed for several years. When she was a child her parents would fight and it was so bad that she would compensate with these violent scenarios and these would eventually lead her to struggle with nightmares for years. After I learned this there was no more mention or talk of her anxiety disorder, OCD, or psychiatrist. 9 months later we started dating, all seemed well, and then she broke up with me before Christmas because she was "worries about our future and couldn't be her silly self around me like she was with her friends." After Christmas she ended up studying abroad ms returned this past summer. Didn't really reach out or contact me. When we returned to school this Fall she ignores me and won't even look at me. Sometimes if we bump past each other she will turns the COMPLETED opposite direction or turn her back towards me. All to say - wondering how someoje can treat you like that after saying they respected you so much and shared something like she did on our first date. More importantly, was her opening up a red flag and why???? Why did I miss it??,
d0nnivain Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 No. It's not a good sign. It's a very bad sign. It means she has problems & no boundaries. She didn't open up to you because there was some mystical connection. She opened up to you because you were there when the flood gates finally burst. She's not in a good place to start a relationship so you would never be able to build a solid foundation. 2
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 No. It's not a good sign. It's a very bad sign. It means she has problems & no boundaries. She didn't open up to you because there was some mystical connection. She opened up to you because you were there when the flood gates finally burst. She's not in a good place to start a relationship so you would never be able to build a solid foundation. Did you read my extended info above??
d0nnivain Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Did you read my extended info above?? Admittedly no. I'm glad you waited 9 months to date her but her oversharing initially was a red flag & you missed it. The other one was her parents' relationship. She never had an example of what a healthy, happy, loving relationship looks like. Therefore, she has difficulty creating one in her own life. Everybody struggles with something. The key to dealing with people with emotional baggage is to try to find somebody with a carry on not a steamer trunk.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 Admittedly no. I'm glad you waited 9 months to date her but her oversharing initially was a red flag & you missed it. The other one was her parents' relationship. She never had an example of what a healthy, happy, loving relationship looks like. Therefore, she has difficulty creating one in her own life. Everybody struggles with something. The key to dealing with people with emotional baggage is to try to find somebody with a carry on not a steamer trunk. Really like that analogy. Dang, I feel stupid for missing that huge flag.
Frank2thepoint Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Why the sudden attitude change after the break-up? You will not be able to decipher her change at all. The only logic that points to her behavioral change toward you is her parents' dysfunctional relationship. As d0nnivain pointed it out, they did not have a healthy relationship, therefore she has an embedded bad frame of reference. Don't beat yourself up too much, you experienced something that many other people have. You are not alone. I've experienced it as well. Just learn from it, and look out for it in the future.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 29, 2014 Author Posted November 29, 2014 I'm sorry - her little brother would fight with her parents- not the parents with each other. Fits of rage and anger and it would be stressful for her. It sounds like I still care, but it's more me figuring out how I can handle and act if I come into future situations like this. I'm a psychology student btw
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 30, 2014 Author Posted November 30, 2014 No, you seriously don't. Nothing is worse than being in this limbo state. Trust me. I pined after a girl who was my best friend for years. All I had to do was ask her out and when I did, she said yes! We found out that we were just better as friends, but I don't regret asking. Even if she had said no, it would've been better than staying silent. Worse case is you get a no and you don't have to wonder anymore. Go ahead and ask her. How big should I go? Movie? Dinner? Swing dancing?
fred123 Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 what if she says yes to meeting up but she has already friendzoned him and he has no clue! thats worse than being rejected. id rather be rejected. she already sees you as a friend who likes talking with you. she sees you as her girl friend. it will be worse if she keeps saying yes and you meet up every time thi king its a date when you are just friends. how do you know she doesnt just see you and hanging out as friends?
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 30, 2014 Author Posted November 30, 2014 what if she says yes to meeting up but she has already friendzoned him and he has no clue! thats worse than being rejected. id rather be rejected. she already sees you as a friend who likes talking with you. she sees you as her girl friend. it will be worse if she keeps saying yes and you meet up every time thi king its a date when you are just friends. how do you know she doesnt just see you and hanging out as friends? So I'm already friend zoned???
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 How about this....let her contact you, and you continue to meet other girls.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 30, 2014 Author Posted November 30, 2014 How about this....let her contact you, and you continue to meet other girls. But I like to stay committed.....
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 But I like to stay committed..... There is nothing to commit to...you haven't had a date yet. You think she's gonna commit to you??? I doubt it.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 30, 2014 Author Posted November 30, 2014 There is nothing to commit to...you haven't had a date yet. You think she's gonna commit to you??? I doubt it. Dang man. That hurts.
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Dang man. That hurts. This is why I say DO NOT invest your feelings until you are officially in a relationship. You would be a fool to think anything at this point is going to land you a GF. You must keep your options open, meet/chat with other girls. You DO NOT owe her commitment, remember that.
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Tip: having deep conversations is not a sign of romantic interest...it totally could be just emotional, friends zone crap. You are best to not get involved in this kind of activity, be kool and aloof.....to be desired is to make yourself less available. Being mysterious, having them second guessing your interest in them is key in the beginning.
JuneJulySeptember Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 But I like to stay committed..... *Shakes head* You have a lot to learn, young one. How about this....let her contact you, and you continue to meet other girls. Yep. This is why I say DO NOT invest your feelings until you are officially in a relationship. You would be a fool to think anything at this point is going to land you a GF. You must keep your options open, meet/chat with other girls. You DO NOT owe her commitment, remember that. So wise, I could not have said any of it better myself.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 So was talking with friends the other night and I looked over my should really quick and to my surprise - my crush was walking right by behind us. This caught me off guard and I freaked out. As she was walking by I started to look away and noticed from my peripheral that she quickly glanced at me, then I glanced at her but she looked away, then I quickly looked away , and she glanced back before walking away. No lie - totally felt like an idiot not saying anything. What the heck is wrong with me?
Iso789 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Nothing is wrong with you. Like you said, you were caught off guard. The fact that you noticed she was looking at you is a good sign. A wise man once told me. If you have the slightest thought that she might like you. Then she probably does. If you've have the thought in you're head that she does like you, then you are right. Next time you see her. Take a few deep breaths, don't think about what you are gonna do and just go talk to her. The more you think about it, the more reasons you will give yourself not to talk to her. If the girl likes you then she will keep a conversation with you and you can take it from there. I know it's easier said than done, but give it a shot. Don't forget there are plenty of fish out there, but some are more rare than the others Good luck
Molly Hooper Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Eh - it happens. Nothing detrimental. If anything, it opens the door for a conversation. Does she have a facebook that you can message her on - or is she in a place where you can chat with her? Mentioning something about seeing her there but not having the chance to say hello is just an opportunity/excuse to talk to her. Then maybe you can invite her back there
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Nothing is wrong with you. Like you said, you were caught off guard. The fact that you noticed she was looking at you is a good sign. A wise man once told me. If you have the slightest thought that she might like you. Then she probably does. If you've have the thought in you're head that she does like you, then you are right. Next time you see her. Take a few deep breaths, don't think about what you are gonna do and just go talk to her. The more you think about it, the more reasons you will give yourself not to talk to her. If the girl likes you then she will keep a conversation with you and you can take it from there. I know it's easier said than done, but give it a shot. Don't forget there are plenty of fish out there, but some are more rare than the others Good luck What does it mean when she glances at you almost every time we pass each other and smiles? Is she just being nice? Is she just trying to say "hello"? The only time she didn't was when I was coming down the stairs and she was coming up, she looked down when she passed me (bad sign)???
doeblin Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 What does it mean when she glances at you almost every time we pass each other and smiles? Is she just being nice? Is she just trying to say "hello"? The only time she didn't was when I was coming down the stairs and she was coming up, she looked down when she passed me (bad sign)??? STOP worrying about the signs! Just go and talk to her. 1
Dallers Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Confidence.Work on you.Deal with it.Approach. Girl. No Confidence.No work on you.No dealing with it. No Approach. No girl.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 STOP worrying about the signs! Just go and talk to her. I have bro...dang guys i'm bad at this
doeblin Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I have bro...dang guys i'm bad at this Then keep chatting her up and ask her out. I mean, really, what are you expecting? What are you waiting for? What would you like to happen? You have to make some effort if you want to get a girl.
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