CalmandCarryOn Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Sooo....last weekend I had a coffee date (although I didn't call it this to her) with a girl I'm interested in. It turned out better than I expected and lasted over 2.5 hours. The ENTIRE time she didn't once look at her phone or watch to see the time, she was fully engaged in everything I said and wasn't afraid when she shared about herself and life. It was overall a great experience and I couldn't say anything bad about it. I sent her a message the next morning saying how it was great talking with her and she replied back that it was great talking with me too, and we continued in a little conversation. The following week I ended up weirdly running past her every single day. Up until the coffee date I had only seen her from time to time, but now i happen to notice her everyday. Is this subconscious? A couple times I passed her but was too timid to talk but noticed she looked at me each time and smiled from my peripheral vision. There was one morning she walked by and saw me and turned around to say "hello" and smiled. Finally, this past Friday she passed me again and I walked and talked with her on her way to class. Sadly, the weather was super crappy and it was very brief as we had to split to go to our classes. I guess I'm at a crossroads - am I overthinking everything? Should I just man up and go for it? I'm fearful that she's just nice and being friendly, and I'm reading too much into it all. Thoughts?
Assasda Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 What are you overthinking? What are you gonna man-up and go for? Next time you see her again, ask her to go out with you to some place. Tell her it will be fun. Thats the long and short of it
IronZ Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 You said it yourself, man up and ask her out. Walking by her and smiling or saying hello once a day isn't going to lead anywhere. Start talking to her and ask her out.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 What are you overthinking? What are you gonna man-up and go for? Next time you see her again, ask her to go out with you to some place. Tell her it will be fun. Thats the long and short of it Man just overthinking that I'll be rejected...
oberkeat Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Man just overthinking that I'll be rejected... Your behavior here is not masculine at all, guy. In the time you're spending wallowing in insecurity and not asking her on another date, you are probably sending the message to that her you're not interested and that she should move on. You are rejecting yourself by not acting. Be direct, go to her and ask her for another date.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 Your behavior here is not masculine at all, guy. In the time you're spending wallowing in insecurity and not asking her on another date, you are probably sending the message to that her you're not interested and that she should move on. You are rejecting yourself by not acting. Be direct, go to her and ask her for another date. Yeah but won't that come off as creepy? Being so fast about it and not letting it take time..
clia Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 You snooze, you lose. It's now been over a week since your first "date" and you haven't asked her out again. You are losing momentum. Ask her out on another date. If she says no, then at least you know she isn't interested. I don't understand why you think it would be creepy to ask her out? 2
Assasda Posted November 3, 2014 Posted November 3, 2014 Yeah but won't that come off as creepy? Being so fast about it and not letting it take time.. Here is the thing bro. Its only creepy if YOU think its creepy. If you do things with enough confidence, you proabably can do anything you want. I've went in a packed female restroom and made-out with a girl before. If I was stutter-stepping and back tracking, it would be creepy. Anyway, just ask her to go someplace with you, like this is the type of thing that you do all the time. Youre just an experienced dater, and you have no problem asking her, because, thats who you are
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 4, 2014 Author Posted November 4, 2014 Here is the thing bro. Its only creepy if YOU think its creepy. If you do things with enough confidence, you proabably can do anything you want. I've went in a packed female restroom and made-out with a girl before. If I was stutter-stepping and back tracking, it would be creepy. Anyway, just ask her to go someplace with you, like this is the type of thing that you do all the time. Youre just an experienced dater, and you have no problem asking her, because, thats who you are And if I'm rejected?
IronZ Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 And if I'm rejected? 1. You probably won't be. Based on what you've written it tells me this girl digs you. You have nothing to lose here trust me. The signs are all there. 2. Here are your options. You either ask her out and you have what, a 50/50 chance? Or you DON'T ask her out and you have a 0% chance. Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. 3. If you are rejected, so what? Move on to bigger and better things.
GoBlue Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 There are a lot worse things that can happen to you than to be told "no" for a second date! What if you just keep doing the same thing you are doing now? How will that turn out? Only two ways I can see - she'll end up asking you out, or nothing will ever happen and she will just think you weren't really interested. What in the world is there to be afraid of? You could always sit by and wait for someone else to take her to coffee...
Mrin Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 And if I'm rejected? Who cares if you are? Risk taking is part of the male essence. At least you will have tried. Man up. Be direct. Ask her out. But have a concrete proposal of what you are doing. A play. A poetry slam. An art museum -> can't miss by the way. But stop screwing around and take action. She's probably waiting for you to. Best of luck!
Mrin Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 (edited) Food and wine version of OP's story: the other night I had this exquisite glass of Malbec with my truffled fries and duck confit. I'd never tried Malbec before and it was great. Here's the thing - everywhere I go now I see people drinking Malbec. I see it in the wine lists all the time. In fact, this restaurant has Malbec. Do you think it would be wierd if I ordered a glass? What if I don't like it as much or they're out? Maybe I should just get a merlot... Edited November 4, 2014 by Mrin
Assasda Posted November 4, 2014 Posted November 4, 2014 And if I'm rejected? Why would you be rejected? If you asked one of your buddies to go out and have fun with you, and they say no. Do you feel "rejected"? You have to realize OP, you dont have anything riding on this. You wont lose anything, and you'll only gain experience. And 10 years from now, you wont remember this, so HAVE AT IT
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 5, 2014 Author Posted November 5, 2014 Why would you be rejected? If you asked one of your buddies to go out and have fun with you, and they say no. Do you feel "rejected"? You have to realize OP, you dont have anything riding on this. You wont lose anything, and you'll only gain experience. And 10 years from now, you wont remember this, so HAVE AT IT Good point. Lastly, I sent her a message asking if she was free this weekend and she said that she had time where she was! What does that mean? Where do I go from there?
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 5, 2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Good point. Lastly, I sent her a message asking if she was free this weekend and she said that she had time where she was! What does that mean? Where do I go from there? Well, you message back and ask her if she's free for lunch or dinner on Saturday/Sunday (pick one). If not, arrange something she's free for if you're also free. Maybe suggest a place 'are you free for dinner at *restaraunt* on Saturday?' You honestly snooze you lose in the dating game. She's probably talking to other guys too. If I met a guy for coffee and he didn't try meet up with me again within a week I would presume he wasn't interested and move on. Or assume it was a friendly coffee and nothing more. Have some balls, man up and ask her out! You WILL get rejected many times throughout your life when it comes to dating. It happens frequently. You cannot escape it. But if you're too scared to ask people out and put yourself out there you will never find love anyway. Would you rather take chances, get rejected and perhaps find an awesome relationship someday, or be single for the rest of your life?
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 Well, you message back and ask her if she's free for lunch or dinner on Saturday/Sunday (pick one). If not, arrange something she's free for if you're also free. Maybe suggest a place 'are you free for dinner at *restaraunt* on Saturday?' You honestly snooze you lose in the dating game. She's probably talking to other guys too. If I met a guy for coffee and he didn't try meet up with me again within a week I would presume he wasn't interested and move on. Or assume it was a friendly coffee and nothing more. Have some balls, man up and ask her out! You WILL get rejected many times throughout your life when it comes to dating. It happens frequently. You cannot escape it. But if you're too scared to ask people out and put yourself out there you will never find love anyway. Would you rather take chances, get rejected and perhaps find an awesome relationship someday, or be single for the rest of your life? I guess I don't have anything to lose....
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 There are a lot worse things that can happen to you than to be told "no" for a second date! What if you just keep doing the same thing you are doing now? How will that turn out? Only two ways I can see - she'll end up asking you out, or nothing will ever happen and she will just think you weren't really interested. What in the world is there to be afraid of? You could always sit by and wait for someone else to take her to coffee... I hear you. I hear you. It's iust finding that confidence in case she does say no.
IronZ Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I guess I don't have anything to lose.... No, you seriously don't. Nothing is worse than being in this limbo state. Trust me. I pined after a girl who was my best friend for years. All I had to do was ask her out and when I did, she said yes! We found out that we were just better as friends, but I don't regret asking. Even if she had said no, it would've been better than staying silent. Worse case is you get a no and you don't have to wonder anymore. Go ahead and ask her.
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 27, 2014 Author Posted November 27, 2014 Hey guys - wondering if I should give up and let this girl go. Talking on Facebook a little yesterday evening and everything seemed good (long messages sent back and forth). I wished her a "happy thanksgiving and asked for her number saying that I would love to catch up with her after the holiday when she's not too busy." She replied giving her number and then said "Thanks, I hope you have a good thanksgiving as well!" Bad response? Should I move on? We are both college students and are a week away from finals. Thoughts?
PegNosePete Posted November 27, 2014 Posted November 27, 2014 What's bad about it? She gave you her number right? So use it. 1
StalwartMind Posted November 27, 2014 Posted November 27, 2014 Bad response? Should I move on? What? How do you manage to spin success with gaining her number + being wished to have a good thanksgiving as well, into being a bad response. So do as you said, call her after the holidays and catch up. 1
Author CalmandCarryOn Posted November 27, 2014 Author Posted November 27, 2014 What? How do you manage to spin success with gaining her number + being wished to have a good thanksgiving as well, into being a bad response. So do as you said, call her after the holidays and catch up. And if she doesn't want to meet me after the holidays...
GG3 Posted November 27, 2014 Posted November 27, 2014 She responded like I would have. Don't doubt yourself! Contact her Monday and ask her out. It was a good response. 1
PegNosePete Posted November 27, 2014 Posted November 27, 2014 Then find someone who does want to meet you.
Recommended Posts