Guitarisgood Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I started like any other guy that ended up being rejected badly by the girl of his dreams. Looked up online how to win a girl back and ended up on various PUA sites. I don't disapprove of them; heck, they taught me how to be who I am today aspiring for what I want, not caring and the confidence and ability to pull or talk to any woman when I walk into anywhere. The problem is what happens after nowadays. I mean it almost all feels like a game of cat and mouse to me as I read everything said or done and this is not just girls I'm dating. I don't build meaningful relationships anymore, not opening myself up. I don't message friends all the time and build those life long bonds needed to survive in this world. I'm like a drifter now, dropping into social circles maybe staying long enough to pull one of the girls before disappearing. Yet I don't like this. I don't want to be this anymore. Yet whenever I try to open up or type out a new message to send to someone girls I'm dating and friends included I falter and end up closing the chat box. It's even worse with girls as I'll be honest, I want a meaningful relationship yet past the first few dates and after sleeping with them, I just can't open up. I had a girl so crazy about me walk away because she said I was such a closed book always making her do the work and not putting the effort back in. Yet I wanted to. I'd pick up the phone and when I'd about to initiate, I'd get those feelings of all those years of rejections flooding back to me and I'd just walk away. Can you ever find a balance? How do you let the past go, open yourself up?
Jules Dash Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 You are trying to apply all this pick up artist stuff but it's not you and your whole approach becomes formulaic with you becoming disconnected. This is the rub of trying to be someone you are not, seriously. You may call what you have accomplished thus far success but you still do not have what you want. Your balance will come through experience. Just keep dating and as you deal with more and more dates you will figure it out. Avoid formula and rules, focus on your style and what works for you. Feel good about it.
ThaWholigan Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I think your problem is that you are afraid to be vulnerable. Having had the uncomfortable feeling of rejection permeate throughout your formative dating experiences, you are subconsciously detaching when you feel yourself about to drop your guard. PUA in your case is as much a defense mechanism as it is a tool for your self-improvement. Sort of an insurance that you can perhaps more successfully find dates and meet people, but you stop yourself from ever making real intimate connections because you don't want to be hurt or rejected again. I'd say there's 2 things you can do: 1. Learn to be vulnerable. Being hurt sucks - we can all attest to that. But sometimes, we need to be hurt, we need to experience pain occasionally because it enables us to grow, become stronger and learn more about ourselves and the world. Open yourself up to connect with people just by allowing yourself to be seen as you are, not as you appear to be. To do this you need to accept your past rejections, and accept that rejection will happen again - then make peace with it. Once done, you won't be afraid to put yourself out there when meeting people and particularly women. It will be difficult to form a true connection if you're afraid to show yourself . 2. Ease up on the PUA a little. It's good sometimes - I've consumed much PUA literature myself - but you may want to wean yourself off of it just a tad and just talk to people like you normally would. Instead of gaming the girl, try to take an actual interest in her and be in the moment with her. Focus all on her - what makes her tick, what does she love to do, her favorite tv show, whatever the f*ck it is you 2 want to talk about . Before you know it, you're actually having a conversation where you are bonding. You can throw in a little "tease to please" here and there, but that will eventually become a natural thing to you rather than a PUA thing you do . Hope it was helpful . 1
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