rbhardwaj Posted March 19, 2005 Posted March 19, 2005 Hello everyone, I have a problem on my hand and am trying to get opinions on it. I have had a girlfriend for two years now. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met. Before I met her, if you asked me to write down a list of things I wanted in someone, I would have described her exactly. There is just one slight problem. She is two years older than me. Not as much a problem for me or her, as it is for her parents. Let me start at the beginning. She was with someone before me. Her parents loved him, and were under the impression that those two would get married. He was horrible to her, and she broke it off. She had been in bad relationships in the past, but when I came along, I gave her much more confidence and strength. And all her friends tell me she's been a better person because of me. Back to the story, her ex boyfriend, upon finding out that she didn't want to be with him, called her parents, and told them lies about me. He told them that I told everyone I got their daughter in bed among other horrible things. Needless to say her parents didn't approve of me much. Since then, they've found out that it was all lies, but are still not approving of the relationship. They say it's because since I am younger, I'm immature. They say I don't know what I want out of life yet. I am 22, she's 24. Another issue is that all parties involved are from India. Some of you may not know, but Indian culture generally frowns upon the man being younger, even if it is a mere 2 years. Her parents want to hand her off to someone who is already settled in with a job and is making good money. I think they firmly believe that if financial stability is there, emotional stability follows. However, I believe that if emotional stability is there, financial happiness follows. She loves me very much, but also wants her parents to be happy and accepting of our relationship. She prays everyday that somehow things work out. I believe that if she went ahead against her parents wishes, and was happy, eventually they'd see that and would be happy for her. However, I don't know if I'm being idealistic about it. I cannot imagine my life without this woman. And believe it or not, in the past 2 years, we haven't had one single problem. Not one. I have a short temper with most people, but in over 2 years, I have not yet been upset with her. It's really quite amazing. Also, for the past year, we have been in a long distance relationship. She is working in California, and I'm in school in Indiana. And interestingly, that has not presented problems either. I love her more now than ever. I trust her, and she trusts me. Everything between us is amazing, except her parents. If it means anything, she has her Masters in Computer Engineering from the same school that I will get my Bachelors in Computer Engineering from. Contrary to her parents' belief, I won't be on the streets scrounging for money not being able to support their daughter. And I also don't see the problem in her supporting herself if they educated her to that extent. So in the end, what do you all think of this situation? Can it work, will it work? And what can I do now? If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. Thank you.
Devildog Posted March 19, 2005 Posted March 19, 2005 I think for the most part it depends on her if you two work out. She will have to decide if she can face the reprecussions of going against her parents. That could be anything including disowning her. Would she be willing to turn her back on her family for you? Would you be willing to let her do that? Those are tough questions that require alot of thought.
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 19, 2005 Posted March 19, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog I think for the most part it depends on her if you two work out. She will have to decide if she can face the reprecussions of going against her parents. That could be anything including disowning her. Would she be willing to turn her back on her family for you? Would you be willing to let her do that? Those are tough questions that require alot of thought. What he said. Two years age difference among 20-somethings isn't even really an age difference at all. The sad part, is if your girl found some 20-year-old guy from some other culture, who didn't speak very clearly, doesn't plan to go to college and is proud of that, and brought him home to have dinner with the parents, it would scare you how fast they would call you up, and offer to buy you a first class plane ticket to visit their daughter "just because she misses you so much and because they think you are such a great guy". But they are frowning on you, just because the guy who was mean to her, slightly more closely fit their extra-superficial cookie-cutter stereotype of exactly who they think their daughter should be dating. Such hippocrits. Sometimes people just don't know what is good for them. If the other guy was bad to her, and you are good to her, and you are both in love, they should be happy with that, even if you were 18. The parents are just being asses. The real question, as Devildog said, is whether your girl will stand up to them. Hint: If she is worth it, she will. Best of luck.
Author rbhardwaj Posted March 19, 2005 Author Posted March 19, 2005 What scares her is how her parents talk to her. Her dad says "The choice is yours, but if you choose him, then I want no part of it." She wants their blessings, and they aren't willing to give them.
Illusion24 Posted March 19, 2005 Posted March 19, 2005 It sounds like you two have a healthy relationship but for the most part I see where the parents are coming from... I'm 23 and my bf 19 just recently I've noticed the age difference has been effecting our relationship for one reason...He's just starting his life, partying and having good time with his friends..Me on the other hand, I have a business to run, a house to maintain and many goals to accomplish..Our lives are starting to come together yet come apart the more I realize I'm ready for something he hasn't even thought of... My mother always told me I would have a problem...she says it's like I'm going back 5 years and I'm back into my college years...Her parents want her to be with someone who can offer her more than what she has right now... They feel as if she is ready for a more 'mature' relationship with someone who is financially stable and emotionally capable of offering a humble home NOW...They see you as a good potential but not a as a stable one...Parents have high expectations for any of their children..They feel they deserve the best..The more time passes her parents feel as if she's wasting her time waiting for you to 'become' a man...My mom has always told me to be with a man at my level or higher... I understand it's hard to keep up but they can't force you to be someone your not...they can't make you change your life because they feel you're not fit for their daughter but they can advise her to keep her doors open...I guess what I'm trying to say is don't stop being yourself...Go for what you want and finish school show them that you are worth being with their daughter and you can and will provide for her as her man...No matter what the only one that has to be happy is your girl...
RecordProducer Posted March 20, 2005 Posted March 20, 2005 Rbhardway, before I give you my opinion, I have a few questions for you: 1. How wealthy are her parents? 2. What do they do for a living and what do your parents (if alive) do for a living? 3. What are your plans for the future given that you are in Indiana and she in California?
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