How can I improve my online profile?

[Hoxton]

Hi,

 

 

I found this form, and I was wondering if I could get some thoughts on my dating strategy, especially online dating and my current profile. Specifically, I am stumped as to why online dating isn't working for me, and I am trying to figure out why.

 

 

I'm a 39 year old guy in Boston looking to date women. I joined Match back in July or so. I hired a dating coach who gave me great advice, encouragement, and helped me put together my profile. My friends looked at it and all thought it was a great profile. I've sent several dozens of emails. I think they're good emails, and so did my dating coach. Response rate has been close to nil. Women emailing me is also close to nil.

 

 

My Match profile name is Waiting4MyEqual

 

 

Dating for me is about meeting someone for coffee or a drink or whatever activity, talking, and getting to know them. My 'selection criteria' is broad. I don't have any racial preferences, no hair color preferences, no height preferences, etc. Age range 28 to 48. I email women whose profiles suggest we have some commonalities---enough for a fun conversation over a date.

 

 

I am new to dating, and I am trying to find out what I can and cannot change about my online profile. Some thoughts / possible reasons...

 

 

- Racial bias. When I look at profiles, I am surprised by how many women are specific in their racial preferences. I fall outside the racial preferences of more than half of the profiles I find. Maybe this is a big reason?

 

 

- Children. I have a son in elementary school who lives with my part time. In my profile stats, I am "not looking to have more children, but happy to go out with a woman who already has children." I notice that a lot of women say they want to have kids in their profile stats, even women in their early 40s. Maybe this is a big reason?

 

 

- Personal statement. My dating coach helped put together my personal statement. I like it, and I think it reflects me well. But, maybe I can tweak some of it to make it more appealing. Any thoughts?

 

 

- Photographs. Maybe my photographs aren't good enough? My dating coach recently suggested considering a professional photographer. It's expensive. I'm not sure whether it will make a difference, and I'm trying to decide whether it's worth the money in my case.

 

 

My friends, male and female---a couple of them in Boston, others living elsewhere--- currently (or back when they were online dating) get/got a decent volume of incoming email, and they get a decent response rate to emails they sent out. They are generally able to go out on one good date per week or more, if they want. By contrast, my online dating is close to zero. I want to improve that, or cancel my membership, and develop a greater understanding of what's going on. It's puzzling me.

 

 

Thanks for any advice!

 

 

Cheers

[d0nnivain]

I don't remember the name of the site but there is a dating site for people of color. Perhaps you will fit the racial preferences of more people on there.

 

 

Also remember OLD is one tool. You need to do more than just search on line. Do some in-real life searching too.

[smackie9]

Link us to your profile/photos so we can have a look.

 

My husband and I looked through a dating site to find his buddies profile, and while we were looking we both agreed the majority had horrible photos.

[Hoxton]

Thanks. I'm guessing you looked at my profile, and it seems fine.

 

 

I understand "people of color" refers to African American. I'm not African American (my racial heritage is Indian). I've looked into a couple of websites that cater to people who aren't concerned with ethnicity, including one my dating coach suggested called MashUp. Unfortunately, the membership bases tend to be very, very thin, and some of the website seem practically inactive.

 

 

A few people in Boston have steered me to Indian expat dating sites. However, I am not an Indian expat and have little connection to India. I have a friend who is of German extraction, and similarly he's not targeting German expat dating sites. He doesn't even speak German. I don't think even think he's been to Germany. Similarly, I'm not targeting Indian expat dating sites. I would go out with any race, including Indian, but I don't qualify for "expats seeking expats" if you see what I mean.

 

 

My post was focused on my online profile, but I look for dates offline, too. My hairdresser set me up with someone, and we're supposed to go out next week. Last August, I met a woman at a local restaurant, and we went on a couple of dates. But, even there, the number of dates I'm getting is tiny.

 

 

My location may be a factor. I am not a Boston native, and there may be factors working against me (my personality, interests, lifestyle don't always mesh with the Boston culture). Other places I've lived in have presented very different experiences to Boston and have worked more in my favor in the past, for example Montreal, Toronto, or London UK. I can't move right away, but maybe location is a factor, and I can just add that to my understanding?

 

 

 

 

I don't remember the name of the site but there is a dating site for people of color. Perhaps you will fit the racial preferences of more people on there.

 

 

Also remember OLD is one tool. You need to do more than just search on line. Do some in-real life searching too.

[Hoxton]

Hi,

 

 

My profile name is Waiting4MyEqual. Here is the link:

 

 

Match.com® | The Leading Online Dating Site for Singles & Personals==

 

 

Cheers

 

 

Link us to your profile/photos so we can have a look.

 

My husband and I looked through a dating site to find his buddies profile, and while we were looking we both agreed the majority had horrible photos.

[Hoxton]

I can't change some things about me, obviously. But, in terms of what I CAN change on my online profile, I'm wondering what to change / how to make it better.

[Mirages]

My dating coach recently suggested considering a professional photographer. It's expensive.

I was recently approached to photo a male friend for this purpose, he went from none, to 1-2 within a week, that is dated prospects. I do not photo people for a living, but know a lot about such. A more serious effort on photography will help. Each of your photos has the exact same smile, and nothing below the waist. You really do not look overweight, get a photo in from the ankles to the head, prove it. The style of dress is similar in most photos, how about one formal, one sportive, one t-shirt. This can be done by you with a timer shutter and tripod, or professional, either way it will help. The first photo with blurred edges is quite good. I feel that each photo can benefit from a caption with date, i.e. "Feb, 2014" within the Match caption line. The use of old photos is so troubling, that this helps.

 

Ethnicity: I think you cannot leave that blank, eh? East Indian is potentially projecting some cultural cues that, as you said, do not exist. I have nothing against E.I.'s but if I was to date one, I'd know their culture is quite different, and have to read up first. How about "Other," for ethnicity. It is honest, you are ethnically but not culturally E.I. You basically look like any european guy.

 

Children: I have two, and am in the same boat you are; I decided that I must accept a candidate with 1-2 kids, or accept having to make 1-2 with her, it won't be both. Consider this one carefully, women often want kids. When they are over 38, and you date for a couple of years, really not good to make kids into the 40's, but many want to.

 

Personality type: Many educated Bostonians speak this four letter language of Myers Briggs. I think you might be InfP, just guessing on the profile, but testing out online and publishing that might entertain and enlighten some.

 

Hang in there, you seem to have marketable characteristics.

Edited November 28, 2014 by Mirages

[Hoxton]

Thanks! That's really helpful. I could get a tripod and take some more pics of myself - definitely.

 

 

Ethnicity "other" makes sense. I had "East Indian" in there before and took it out, as I figured people might get the wrong idea. Like you wrote, I am culturally European. I guess I can write "Other" and that would be honest.

 

 

Close guess! I am an ENFP.

 

 

Kids...I'd by lying if I wrote "Definitely" in my profile, but "Someday" or "Maybe" is better than saying no.

 

 

Maybe there is hope for me yet.

 

 

 

 

 

Hang in there, you seem to have marketable characteristics.

[FitChick]

Get new photos! Looks like you cut and pasted your head onto several photos = same pose, same smile.

 

You don’t need professional pics. Find a Fine Arts Photography major. Maybe if you model for him/her you can get free pics. Otherwise offer some money.

 

Take a pic of you concentrating while playing the guitar (and not grinning). Have someone, even a passing stranger (pretend you’re a tourist) take pics of you outside (light is generally more flattering) by the river with the Boston skyline in the background.

 

Date and caption the photos. One says Apr 82!

 

You’re attractive but need a more flattering hairstyle. Go to the top trendy hair salon in Boston and pay a little more than you normally might to get a good cut. Later you can find a cheaper place to copy it.

 

Do you have a disability? You seem to hint at one. If you are merely occasionally clumsy, then don’t mention it.

 

Your intro about noticing things needs to be shortened. Pick two instead of four things.

 

If you make at least $50K list your income. At your age you shouldn’t be struggling financially.

 

Mention the age of your kid.

 

Mention you worked Montreal, London, etc. Most educated professionals are well traveled or want to be. It's a good conversation starter if they've been or have wanted to visit.

 

Boston is very liberal and most of the professionals come from elsewhere so race isn’t your problem. Say you grew up in the US (if you did) and have never been to India (if you haven’t).

[smackie9]

I'm not going to register to look, but I don't see anything wrong with your looks or profile of what I can see of it. At your age it's not unusual to be a single dad, or unmarried. I see you have your limit set at within 10 miles....maybe you need to set it to 20+ miles. Demographics can be a huge factor of what type of people are available in your area. This is something you should look into.

[d0nnivain]

The site I was thinking of was more geared toward African Americans but I searched Indian dating & came up with a few sites. I can't say I know anything about them but you may want to peruse them as you are getting your new photos.