shet Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 Under 2 months ago, through a social hiking/outdoorsy group I joined, I met a woman with whom I quickly developed an easy rapport. We have met at events three times now and it's honestly a joy to be around her; we spend the whole day talking exclusively with each other, there is a lot in common and we make each other laugh, even educated in similar subjects. I've told her I like her, only in those words. The last time, I proposed we meet separately from this group, and she was keen. However she deliberately used expressions like "we can be friends" and asked if it was OK she brought others to whatever I plan. I gathered then that she wasn't "interested", despite everything. Disappointed, I figured that's OK, we can still do something fun as friends. The last week though she has been in daily contact, requesting I join her at things. I'm now booked up every weekend, with her, through to new years eve, when she's invited me to a party - the first NYE I won't spend at home in many years. She seems boundlessly energetic. Dances and parties. Even an assault race type thing early next year that is totally outside my wheelhouse but I've gone along with. I'm not clear on whether these are things she's inviting me specifically to or everyone she considers "friends". Today she's asking me to join her at a christmas dance - I don't even like dancing that much, or at least, I'm not good at it, which I've explained. I've never had a woman simultaneously be apparently romantically disinterested and so desirous of my company she arranges to be seeing me so often. At this time of year as well. Last year I was newly (and turned out, briefly) dating someone at this time and she didn't want to go dancing or New Years parties with me. I'm not romantically forward, I won't make any sort of move without explicit or clearly implicit interest, and as far as I'm concerned I did my due diligence asking her to join me and having her call us friends and ask to bring people. That was a clear negative answer. But now all this. Is there a possibility I misunderstood her seemingly deliberate signals of romantic disinterest... perhaps this is all a test to see if I'm up to her standards? Or is this just a very active woman to be friends with? My actual other friends are not in touch to arrange things like this and there are no plans to be seeing them over the period. And I've dated women who've been less communicative and keen to do stuff.
PegNosePete Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 I won't make any sort of move without explicit or clearly implicit interest, and as far as I'm concerned I did my due diligence asking her to join me Well, chances are you won't get anywhere then. Women expect the guys to make the first move. So if you don't, then it won't happen. Ask her on a date. Make it clear that it's a date and it will be just the two of you. Then you will have your answer - instead of guessing and speculating.
Author shet Posted November 28, 2014 Author Posted November 28, 2014 I did, as described, and her first response was "yes, we can be friends like that" and to ask to bring someone. That was my rejection, a solid No. Am I supposed to then have said "oh never mind then **** off"? She's the one contacting me to arrange all this stuff. I was happy to take her No and forget about it. So you are saying it is friendly only. Thanks.
PegNosePete Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 A better response would have been "oh, I was hoping to have you all to myself..." Yes she's being friendly towards you. If you want more then you'll have to ask her out again - this time in a more manly way as I described above.
Author shet Posted November 28, 2014 Author Posted November 28, 2014 I don't appreciate you slinging trite alpha male bull**** in here. I used that exact turn of phrase (it isn't "manly", just semantics, and a cheesy line to boot that I cringed as I said it), and she responded she's only comfortable doing things with a friend, which is the case and she had said before - she comes quite a long way to participate in the group and does always bring someone. That's a No. If she had any interest she wouldn't ask to bring friends and put barriers in the way. I think I've answered my own question here.
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